A Quantitative Analysis of How Much Time Spent with Kids Correlates To The Child's Outcome... (support, clothes)
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Perhaps what it comes down to for my family is that I'm happier when I'm at home, and when I'm happier my husband is happier, and our marriage is better. I think that has a positive effect on our children. The time isn't that which I spend directly with my children so much as it is the indirect effect of the energy and time I have to spend with my husband, keeping our marriage happy and satisfying.
1970's SAHM???? I was born in 1973 and my mom went back to work about 2 months after I was born.
no matter how the kids turn out, the bad stuff will be blamed on the mom. not enough time, too much time, not enough quality time, too many activities, not enough activities... Who says we know now which of us is doing it "right?" I guarantee our kids, all of them, will wish we'd done something different.
Halleluia.....the right answer! Do the best you can and KNOW that you're doing the best you can, because chances are, your kids are going to attempt to do things differently than you did, because they'll find a "better" way. Some book (probably a re-write from 50 years ago), will come out that's a best seller, for child rearing. It will be touted as the next best thing since the ipod and our children will all of a realize that their parents didn't know what they were doing (until of course, THEIR kids become parents)...and the circle goes round and round.
Sadly, childen who had a relatively good home life will be made aware that their parents were AWFUL! They will then feel terrible pity for them, because "we" were so ignorant and clueless. "Holy cow! How did we survive our parents!!" (us)
As for spending quality time with my children, who has time!? I'm too busy reading studies and surveys on HOW to be a better parent and making charts and graphs comparing the data. Who has time LEFT to spend time with their children? Does that count as quality time? I mean, it's ABOUT them, right!?
And I'm glad you've joined in Mags. We don't always agree but I, for one, like reading what you have to say. I've learned from you and, basically, that's why I'm here, so: .
Why do we need two threads to beat the dead horse with now?
To summarize some 200+ pages.
SAHMs are making choices they feel are best for their UNIQUE situations.
WMs are making choices they feel are best for their UNIQUE situations.
Granted, the two topics are related but they ask different questions.
A stay-at-home parent may spend a lot of time with a child, or very little.
A working parent may spend a lot of time with a child, or very little.
These are independent factors. The two threads do have some common ground, and the two may be getting all murky because the other, longer thread is still going. If it had died out, I think this one would have been fine by itself. We'll see how it goes.
My mom did stints as SAHM and as WM. Can't say it really made a difference to me one way or the other growing up. My parents weren't involved in school things but we talked all the time at home and did family outings often. Of course they made mistakes - just like I know I do as a parent.
I spend as much time as I can with my daughter because I love her and I enjoy being with her. She makes me see the world in new ways and she's funny as heck! She's the best part of my life and if that means me wanting to spend time with her makes me a 'hover' parent, then so be it.
In my defense, I spend a lot of time with my dog and our hamster also. Guess I hover over them as well.
Perhaps what it comes down to for my family is that I'm happier when I'm at home, and when I'm happier my husband is happier, and our marriage is better. I think that has a positive effect on our children. The time isn't that which I spend directly with my children so much as it is the indirect effect of the energy and time I have to spend with my husband, keeping our marriage happy and satisfying.
I would agree with this. I feel that kids will do better when their parents have a good relationship and work together at parenting. And whatever makes Mom happy, whether being at home or at a job will most likely affect how she and her husband relate.
For me, I sometimes find it difficult to strike a balance between my kids independence and doing too much for them. My own Mom died when I was
11 and was out of our home when I was 8. My Dad had to work, obviously, so my older sister and I were left to get our own breakfast, get to school on time, get our homework done, etc, and I became a very independent person.
So now, with my own kids I struggle with sometimes thinking, OMG, they should be doing this themselves, I had to! On the other hand, at times I think I do to much because I never want them experience what I had to.
So no doubt, I'm screwing them up by being schizophrenic!
Perhaps what it comes down to for my family is that I'm happier when I'm at home, and when I'm happier my husband is happier, and our marriage is better. I think that has a positive effect on our children. The time isn't that which I spend directly with my children so much as it is the indirect effect of the energy and time I have to spend with my husband, keeping our marriage happy and satisfying.
According to research, there is more depression among SAHM's, which I find interesting because it doesn't seem to result in negative outcomes for children*. You would think it would but it doesn't appear to. We want to think happiness makes a difference but there's really nothing to point to it actually making one. Sometimes, what we think matters doesn't.
*Disclaimer for the twist everything I say police here.....correlation does not equal causation. We don't know why this correlation exists. We just know it does. This does not imply a causal relationship and I am not saying it does.
"In general, married women experience depression more than single women do, and depression is common among young mothers who stay at home full-time with small children. "
"Employed mothers had lower scores on a measure of depressive mood (the CES-D) and higher scores on a measure of positive morale."
Seriously, I would think maternal morale would make a difference but it doesn't seem to. It's a factor to consider in overall quality of life, for mom, but I don't think it's a decision maker in this case because it's not going to make a difference for her kds. Things like SES and demographics would still top the list.
I'm kind of baffled as to why increased depression doesn't impact kids though. While it's pretty easy to not let your personal feelings on the matter effect your kids when you don't get what you want, I would think it could be tough to just set depression aside. A good mom who would be happier staying home who works because she improves her family's finances isn't going to let the fact she'd be happier at home impact her kids. I'm not sure what's washing out the impact of living with a depressed mom. Logically, that seems like it would be a negative but we're not seeing it in the research.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 10-09-2011 at 06:13 AM..
I think depression is higher in SAHMs because of the monotony of the "job". There are times, even when the kids go to bed, I think "Now what?" Every day is the same, but different. It's an odd thing. But I also wouldn't want to work full time at this point in our family's life.
According to research, there is more depression among SAHM's, which I find interesting because it doesn't seem to result in negative outcomes for children*. You would think it would but it doesn't appear to. We want to think happiness makes a difference but there's really nothing to point to it actually making one. Sometimes, what we think matters doesn't.
*Disclaimer for the twist everything I say police here.....correlation does not equal causation. We don't know why this correlation exists. We just know it does. This does not imply a causal relationship and I am not saying it does.
Because someone will ask for some kind of reference (yes I know this isn't a study but this is common knowledge) Depression in Women
"In general, married women experience depression more than single women do, and depression is common among young mothers who stay at home full-time with small children. "
Depression is also more common among men and women who spend more time on the internet looking for validation...
I'm not sure how this relates to spending time with the children, though. It's just another jab at deciding to stay at home. Anecdotally, depression can be entirely situational too, not just because the mom is staying at home. The times when I am most depressed about staying at home are times when my husband is deployed or TDY, and I'm responsible for the entire household. It could also be the level of support a husband gives his spouse. In addition, generally young moms to young children have babies, and postpartum depression is considered depression. In general, I don't think people are depressed because they are not working, I think they are depressed from various externals (and I know that correlation doesn't cause causation, but you are extrapolating data here).
On topic:
I think a bigger factor on the way children turn out versus time spent at home with them, is whether the time is quality time or not. I know that my MIL was a stay at home mom for a few years after her children were born and before my FIL and her divorced. She is an extremely self absorbed woman, and two of her children out 6 were successful. Of the other four, one is in and out of jail, one is homeless, one is a "welfare momma", and the other still lives at home rent free. I think successful children have more to do with the child's personality and their interactions with their parents than have to do with a quantitative measurement of time spent with their parents.
I'm not sure how this relates to spending time with the children, though. It's just another jab at deciding to stay at home. Anecdotally, depression can be entirely situational too, not just because the mom is staying at home. The times when I am most depressed about staying at home are times when my husband is deployed or TDY, and I'm responsible for the entire household. It could also be the level of support a husband gives his spouse. In addition, generally young moms to young children have babies, and postpartum depression is considered depression. In general, I don't think people are depressed because they are not working, I think they are depressed from various externals (and I know that correlation doesn't cause causation, but you are extrapolating data here).
On topic:
I think a bigger factor on the way children turn out versus time spent at home with them, is whether the time is quality time or not. I know that my MIL was a stay at home mom for a few years after her children were born and before my FIL and her divorced. She is an extremely self absorbed woman, and two of her children out 6 were successful. Of the other four, one is in and out of jail, one is homeless, one is a "welfare momma", and the other still lives at home rent free. I think successful children have more to do with the child's personality and their interactions with their parents than have to do with a quantitative measurement of time spent with their parents.
Research does not take "jabs". Research is just research. The point, which you missed completely, was that our happiness with our situation doesn't seem to matter. Many times, what we think matters doesn't and we overlook what does. I'll give another example. People think that using grandma or your sister to watch your kids while you work is a good thing but research has found that kith and kin care (use of relatives and friends to provide day care) is the only form of day care that produces, consistently, inferior results. Sometimes, research is a reality check.
What does your link to time on line and depression have to do with this discussion? (seems to me you're the one taking jabs here. ) And actually, it's computer time in general. It has to do with the flickering screen. You actually see the same effect in people who watch too much TV as well, to a lesser extent (thought to be because we tend to look away from the screen more and do other things while watching TV like fold clothes, walk on a treadmill, etc, etc, etc...). This also could have to do with lack of sunshine...exercise...and a host of other things that change when one participates in one activity too much but we, first, must define too much and recognize that too much for one person isn't too much for another.
I once worked for a company that put the entire staff through physicals and stress reduction testing/training because of one workaholic they were sure would drop dead at his desk. He turned out to have the lowest stress levels of all of us in spite of looking/acting like he was going to implode several times a day. Working 80 hours a week suited him just fine. He, probably, would have dropped dead if they made him retire.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 10-09-2011 at 06:37 AM..
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I was born in 1973 and my mom went back to work about 2 months after I was born. 
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) And actually, it's computer time in general. It has to do with the flickering screen. You actually see the same effect in people who watch too much TV as well, to a lesser extent (thought to be because we tend to look away from the screen more and do other things while watching TV like fold clothes, walk on a treadmill, etc, etc, etc...). This also could have to do with lack of sunshine...exercise...and a host of other things that change when one participates in one activity too much but we, first, must define too much and recognize that too much for one person isn't too much for another.