Son, 20, making bad choices... (deadbeat, married, mother, generation)
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In all honesty, outside of this ticket scandel, your son doesn't sound all that "bad" to me. He maintains a solid GPA, works two jobs ( I'm assuming part-time, but not all that much money?). I suspect that he was being "used" or manipulated a little, though. I do think that he'll realize that the $900 he spent on tickets had a very short shelf-life, and I'll bet that he wishes he had the money back, regardless of the experience.
In spite of this unfortunate experience, I think that your son is far ahead of many in his generation..
Am I doing the right thing by cutting the money off? What say you?
Yes, you are, but probably not for the reasons you think. You seem to be doing this for somewhat manipulative reasons. The son has displeased you, so you're going to cut the purse strings to reel him in. Don't think of it like that. Think of it like this -- a man who can afford $900 football tickets obviously doesn't need mommy's money anymore. Pitch it to him like that. Tell your son you're proud of him for finally reaching an age where he can take care of himself .. this is something every parent anticipates since the moment their child is born. Encourage him to make wise decisions with his money in the future, but don't act like you have oversight over them. Now that you've cut the subsidies off, these are his mistakes to make.
Consequently, it sounds like you've got a good kid there -- better than a lot his age.
In all honesty, outside of this ticket scandel, your son doesn't sound all that "bad" to me. He maintains a solid GPA, works two jobs ( I'm assuming part-time, but not all that much money?). I suspect that he was being "used" or manipulated a little, though. I do think that he'll realize that the $900 he spent on tickets had a very short shelf-life, and I'll bet that he wishes he had the money back, regardless of the experience.
In spite of this unfortunate experience, I think that your son is far ahead of many in his generation..
I am proud of his grades and the fact that HE DOES work.
My son, 20. His dad and I have been divorced since he was 4. Has moved out on his own and has been for 4 months. He is a Junior at a University, his GPA is 3.4, he works two jobs. For the most part he seems very responsible and always has been respectful. I have helped him out the first 3 months with groceries, a TV, furniture, and general stuff needed for the first time you move out, I would guess this is what all parents do.
So, yesterday, I find out he spent $900 on three football tickets. I had to be peeled off the roof. First, I've been buying groceries for him because he said he has no money...so, I called him and ask him "was this indeed true?", he said, "yes it was" I didn't get mad with him, didn't raise my voice. I simply ask him, " do you think that was a good, sound finanical decision?" he replied, "it's my decision, right or wrong, my money." I told him he was right and launched into I know you want to do things for people and thats good, but it's not right to spend that money on football when someone is buying your groceries. This is where he lost it, I never ask who the tickets were for, didn't care, but he says, "they are for Dad and ******(his stepmom)" and I will buy them whatever I want..I explained it didn't matter who they were for...but, he didn't want to hear it.
I signed for his apartment, I moved him, I helped with his bills. Until now. I will not buy another penny of groceries or fork out any more money, I told him, to apply for student loans cause the bank of Momma is closed.
It breaks my heart that he is mad, but, It's time he went to the school of hard knocks...His dad is aloof, he's been there, but he can't help with money or credit cause his management skills suck...and my boys are continuiously trying to "buy" his love...
Am I doing the right thing by cutting the money off? What say you?
Okay, I'm going to offer a somewhat contrarian opinion here, but I think that for a lot of 20-year-olds, there's an idea or expectation that parents and student loans will take care of basic expenses, and the young person takes care of luxury or unnecessary items. I think your son knows that these football tickets fall in the latter category, and because he paid for them, he doesn't see how he did anything wrong. So I can see his point. At 20 years old, I probably would have thought the same way to be honest (and I'm not that much older than that; sometimes I still buy luxury items when they're helping me out through my current unemployment. ) So by cutting him off, he thinks you're making a value judgment about what he's doing with his life. It is a problem that your son misled you though. My guess he knew you would disapprove.
I'm not sure how to handle this. My personal opinion is that cutting him off completely is too harsh, because you'd probably be still helping out if he didn't buy those football tickets and there wasn't clear communication between the two of you about who was going to be paying for what. I think it's probably best to have a discussion about how financially independent you want your son to be. Hopefully he's still willing to listen.
Okay, I'm going to offer a somewhat contrarian opinion here, but I think that for a lot of 20-year-olds, there's an idea or expectation that parents and student loans will take care of basic expenses, and the young person takes care of luxury or unnecessary items. I think your son knows that these football tickets fall in the latter category, and because he paid for them, he doesn't see how he did anything wrong. So I can see his point. At 20 years old, I probably would have thought the same way to be honest (and I'm not that much older than that; sometimes I still buy luxury items when they're helping me out through my current unemployment. ) So by cutting him off, he thinks you're making a value judgment about what he's doing with his life. It is a problem that your son misled you though. My guess he knew you would disapprove.
I'm not sure how to handle this. My personal opinion is that cutting him off completely is too harsh, because you'd probably be still helping out if he didn't buy those football tickets and there wasn't clear communication between the two of you about who was going to be paying for what. I think it's probably best to have a discussion about how financially independent you want your son to be. Hopefully he's still willing to listen.
Is it an imprisonable offence to buy football tickets ?
Maybe you aren't being specific enough and there's much more to the story.
I could understand your concerns if he'd turned to crime to feed a burgeoning drug habit, or if he'd held up a 7/11 to get the money.
I understand that you are upset he maybe wasn't honest with you aboutt his financial situation, but I know of very few people who'll say "no" to free financial help.
Methinks there is a deeper issue here
He spends almost $1,000 on sports tickets while mooching off of mom.
Do you really think that's ok?
She made the right decision. If he can blow that kind of money on frivolous items, he can fend for himself in all ways.
Not a smart move on his part but u need to ctfo! Ur the one that had a baby with a dead beat or at best aloof dad. Your son despite that is going to want a relationship wwith his father. Maybe he thinks spending $900 on football tickets is the only way he can have that. Look in the miror u are the cause of this
If my mom was paying for my groceries, why wouldn't I spend $900 on football tickets. I feel that it's your choice to give him money just like it's your choice not to. I agree with another poster who said don't take away the money because of manipulative reasons, but rather tell him that it seems like he can afford his own way and you don't see a reason to give him money anymore.
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) So by cutting him off, he thinks you're making a value judgment about what he's doing with his life. It is a problem that your son misled you though. My guess he knew you would disapprove.
