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The following happened when I was 27. I was single at the time. I was at my mother's for the weekend(I'm her only child). A married couple with two kids, ages five years and six months, came over for a few hours. The wife is five years older than me.They aren't close friends, but my mom knew the woman's parents years back and we helped them out when they settled in our area. Anyhow, my mother was playing with their daughter and being very affectionate, as many people are around kids. This woman looks at me and says with a smile on her face:
"[Mother's name] doesn't have a granddaughter".
I was stunned but didn't show my surprise and anger. I was only 27, working a professional job and preparing for graduate school. She knew about my then financial situation. Now, even if I were older, it still would've been highly rude to basically scold me for not having kids. I just think that what she did was beyond unacceptable. Yes, I know that there are rude people who cross our paths and that we should not dwell over it. Still, this take the cake. What do you think?
I would have said, "Yes, I'm not a fan on out-of-wedlock births. Doesn't seem fair to the child." or the more snarky, "Well, she did have one, but she misplaced her, so no more grandchildren for her!"
It never ceases to amaze me how people comment on other people's choices to procreate or not. There's so much unknown, the vast majority of which is no one else's business, including the equally valid choice not to have kids at all.
Is it possible you read too much into her comment and it was meant innocently enough? Hard for us to say without seeing the body language and knowing the person.
But when you decide (if you decide) to procreate is not her business. I'd have said nothing and just ignored the comment most likely. Or said something sarcastic like mentioned above. Why people think someone else's body is their business is beyond me but I've found the most effective way to deal with them is ignore them.
Is it possible you read too much into her comment and it was meant innocently enough? Hard for us to say without seeing the body language and knowing the person.
But when you decide (if you decide) to procreate is not her business. I'd have said nothing and just ignored the comment most likely. Or said something sarcastic like mentioned above. Why people think someone else's body is their business is beyond me but I've found the most effective way to deal with them is ignore them.
I should've specified it in my op. I was in a bit of a hurry and even made a few typos. It was her body language and the tone of her voice. She was looking right at me when she said it. It wasn't a casual innocent type of remark. I've got more than enough problems of my own to think about right now. So, it's not something that's constantly on my mind. It's just mind boggling to me that someone can have the guts to say it. I know some people can sometimes say to their kids who are married: "So when are we gonna see some grandchildren?" That sounds innocent enough.
Last edited by Marissa23; 03-21-2017 at 05:55 AM..
Reason: add info
The following happened when I was 27. I was single at the time. I was at my mother's for the weekend(I'm her only child). A married couple with two kids, ages five years and six months, came over for a few hours. The wife is five years older than me.They aren't close friends, but my mom knew the woman's parents years back and we helped them out when they settled in our area. Anyhow, my mother was playing with their daughter and being very affectionate, as many people are around kids. This woman looks at me and says with a smile on her face:
"[Mother's name] doesn't have a granddaughter".
I was stunned but didn't show my surprise and anger. I was only 27, working a professional job and preparing for graduate school. She knew about my then financial situation. Now, even if I were older, it still would've been highly rude to basically scold me for not having kids. I just think that what she did was beyond unacceptable. Yes, I know that there are rude people who cross our paths and that we should not dwell over it. Still, this take the cake. What do you think?
Why do some people care about comments from random people? Perhaps you need to examine the bigger picture as to why a comment, from basically a stranger, got you worked up, and what that truly means?
I think you read too much into it. Even if she meant it in a rude way, do you dwell on every rude comment you hear?
No, I don't dwell on every rude comment I hear. Please read my post above. It's just that they way she said it was incredibly rude: not just the words, but the look in her eyes.
She was rude and has no class. There are lots of people like that. Either we ignore them or sometimes stoop to their level and come back with a snarky remark. Every once in awhile a snarky remark feels good...sadly I rarely come up with one when needed, lol.
Then again maybe you should just point it out. And say "wow how rude you are".
My husband and I cannot have children. And at this point, we decided that we do not have the desire or energy anymore to have children anyway. While I think it's a tacky question or remark to make towards someone, if a person said this to me, I would not have gotten bent out of shape about it. But that's just me. I don't mind sharing with people my infertility issues-- usually going into great detail makes them uncomfortable enough to where they will think twice about broaching the subject with me or anyone else again.
OP, what I would suggest, should you be encountered with a like situation in the future, is to look that person in the eye and simply say "That is a rude question/comment and none of your business." Making a sarcastic comment or witty comeback, while tempting, just makes it look like their question/comment is one that should be taken lightly, and they will likely reoffend. People that say this stuff are clearly thick in the head- directness would be the most effective.
No, I don't dwell on every rude comment I hear. Please read my post above. It's just that they way she said it was incredibly rude: not just the words, but the look in her eyes.
I did read it. I still think you are blowing it out of proportion. These kinds of comments are annoying. Lots of things are annoying. I just don't think it's a big deal.
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stoop to their level and come back with a snarky remark. Every once in awhile a snarky remark feels good...sadly I rarely come up with one when needed, lol.
