Dad shoots laptop: What do you think of this act of parenting? (school, video)
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It IS pretty nice we agree on this one. from me too!
I especially like your words about affection and things coming from the heart. How very, very true those words are.
I honestly think that this is "IT".
Unless the parents manage to weave strong ties of affection/sentiment between them and the child (going both ways), rules enforced, limits set, disciplinary action will not be enough. Don't get me wrong. I do believe in consequences and discipline. But I also know that consequences and discipline without solid sentiment between the parent and the child can, in fact, be quite dangerous to the long-term parent-child relationship.
The question is how do you raise a child who will NOT believe, as a teen, that bringing a cup of coffee to her parents equates "slavery"?
The ties of affection change everything. Personal inconveniences, limits, duty, etc cease to be a perceived "problem" when you WANT to help because you FEEL that you want to help. Or you feel guilty as H if you refuse help.
As a teen-ager I would have shot myself before allowing myself to feel that bringing a cup of coffee to my parents or grandparents means I am their "slave".
I am not accusing the father. I feel for him and the frustration he experiences and I think that, at this point, he did the right thing - because the child already is a clear brat. How she ended up this way is probably complicated and NOT the exclusive fault of the parents (I am a major believer in the impact of the larger environment).
But I am just thinking that somewhere along the way the parents themselves forgot to plant those seeds of affection and sentiment, right alongside the discipline.
Rules of the house can always be broken. But the affectionate ties that bind - cannot.
Saying get me a cup of coffee and her doing it is not true affection nor is the action coming from the heart. Her asking dad if he wants a cup then getting it is doing it because she wants to. You cant force someone to have genuine feeling or make them bend to your will with a smile on their face. Punishing her may have the desired effect of getting her to comply but its unlikely she will do it with a genuine heart, she wont realize for many many years that her dad may be teaching her something.
Absolutely, I completely agree.
If the father says, "Jenny, would you mind bringing me a cup of coffee?", the girl should have WANTED to do it without hesitation.
Not to COMPLY; but simply to WANT to give a hand.
This is happening naturally when there is affection between the parent and the child; if it is not, the child will perceive it as "slavery". It is sad.
Unless the parents manage to weave strong ties of affection/sentiment between them and the child (going both ways), rules enforced, limits set, disciplinary action will not be enough. Don't get me wrong. I do believe in consequences and discipline.
The ties of affection change everything. Personal inconveniences, limits, duty, etc cease to be a perceived "problem" when you WANT to help because you FEEL that you want to help. Or you feel guilty as H if you refuse help.
Rules of the house can always be broken. But the affectionate ties that bind - cannot.
Bingo! I agree, 100%. (I edited your post to emphasize my agreement with the ties of affection concept.)
('m also beginning to understand where you have been coming from in some of your other posts about the way our society influences our children. Sorry, I wasn't getting it. I think I do now.)
[quote=syracusa;22945129]Absolutely, I completely agree.
If the father says, "Jenny, would you mind bringing me a cup of coffee?", the girl should have WANTED to do it without hesitation.
Not to COMPLY; but simply to WANT to give a hand.
This is happening naturally when there is affection between the parent and the child; if it is not, the child will perceive it as "slavery". It is sad.[/quote]
<Shrug> All I see is a parent who let his indulgent attitude towards his child go and go and go, until she reached a point where even she overstepped her boundaries, and he overreacted (as those who don't have firm rules and a firm foundation of mutual respect, discipline, self-discipline, and love are wont to do).
It's one thing for a teen to push the envelope or push their parents' buttons - it's another for a parent to allow it, until the behavior is so egregious that a parent resorts to equally outrageous consequences. There are more people in that family who need to grow up than the teen.
Quite honestly, I thought the whole thing was rather stupid. My FB page was bombarded with this video. Over half my friend list posted it because it was "so great". I watched the first 3 minutes of it and got bored. He went on and on about his daughter and couldnt spit out the word responsibility. I turned it off. Only a day or so later I found out at the end he shot the laptop with a gun. 8 minutes I won't ever get back. I didnt really get the point of it especially when I found out he is supposedly an IT guy. He couldnt think of something more creative? Destroying the laptop showed her what? That he is some sort of bad ass gun slinging cowboy? Weird. He kind of reminded me of a redneck neighbor I had once. His kid kept leaving his bike in the driveway. When the dad would come home from work the kid's bike was in the way. So he decided to drive over the bike 5 times with his bronco destroying it. I don't get that style of parenting.
Unless the parents manage to weave strong ties of affection/sentiment between them and the child (going both ways), rules enforced, limits set, disciplinary action will not be enough. Don't get me wrong. I do believe in consequences and discipline. But I also know that consequences and discipline without solid sentiment between the parent and the child can, in fact, be quite dangerous to the long-term parent-child relationship.
The question is how do you raise a child who will NOT believe, as a teen, that bringing a cup of coffee to her parents equates "slavery"?
As a teen-ager I would have shot myself before allowing myself to feel that bringing a cup of coffee to my parents or grandparents means I am their "slave".
Rules of the house can always be broken. But the affectionate ties that bind - cannot.
Are you really going to take the raving loony talk of a teenager seriously?
I don't think for a minute she thinks bringing coffee makes her a slave. Or that she doesn't have affection for her parents. I think that she thinks she is the sh*t and that it's cool to mouth off in front of the world...
Firing an instrument meant to kill human beings at close range - within a household - is the sign of a lunitic - no wonder the daughter has no respect of a father that is clearly capable of murder when enraged - I hope the authorities cleared his house of all weapons - and put this jerk on a life long ban...from owning a gun - what a nut.
Where did you see a "household"? The video I watched showed him in a FIELD that was AWAY from buildings.
How in your mind is shooting a laptop the same as being about to commit murder?!?!?!?!?!?! Half the people I served with froze in combat and were were trained to shoot enemy combatants, not pieces of plastic, and their training certainly didn't make them "murderers"; what is your logical thought process with that one?
I agree that children should have responsibility but if you want to teach them to be adults then treat them like little adults. You want them to clean up after you, make your coffee, babysit little brother? Pay them to do it. You dont work for free. Why should they? Because they are kids? BS. If you want to treat them like kids, then do it. If you want to treat them like adults, then do it. But dont complain when your child who you insist on treating like an adult-in-training wants all the perks of being an adult-in-training which includes pay for labor.
If that is the case then we should also charge these "adults-in-training" for room,board, insurance, gas, phone, internet, clothing, etc... to encompass the whole "adult" experience right?
I did chores when I was a kid for no money cause and I quote: "we had to do chores when we were kids, our parents told they only had us to make their lives easier, so that's why we had you, and why you will have your kids." Sarcastic YES, but truthful. My grandparents were born before the Titanic sank, so they really DID have kids to help work the farm...
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from me too!
I didnt really get the point of it especially when I found out he is supposedly an IT guy. He couldnt think of something more creative? Destroying the laptop showed her what? That he is some sort of bad ass gun slinging cowboy? Weird. He kind of reminded me of a redneck neighbor I had once. His kid kept leaving his bike in the driveway. When the dad would come home from work the kid's bike was in the way. So he decided to drive over the bike 5 times with his bronco destroying it. I don't get that style of parenting.
