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What's interesting is how many posters actually think the forced exposure of unwilling victim's genitals is normal and apparently how often it's being done in the public schools -- and the schools are letting it go on.
I'm a little stunned by that myself.
Have we become a society where public stripping and humiliation of innocent children is so common the victim should be laughing it off because "it happens"?
Kids are idiots.
Just tell him he'll have a funny story to tell when he's older.
As for all the teasing and hazing...
Either ignore it, or snap and tell him to do the exact same thing to whoever wants to make fun of him.
It'll blow over in a couple weeks...
like i said, kids are idiots
Have we become a society where public stripping and humiliation of innocent children is so common the victim should be laughing it off because "it happens"?
No, I think we've become a society that wants to make every incident into The Worst Possible Thing Ever. I believe we've become a society that doubts the human's ability to cope with conflict in a healthy manner.
Humans are resilient but if you keep giving them reasons why they should wallow in self-pity, they will lose that ability to bounce back.
Have we become a society where public stripping and humiliation of innocent children is so common the victim should be laughing it off because "it happens"?
I think what happened to the OP's son was terribly humiliating and I agree that the punishment wasn't harsh enough. I think there is a difference between a child using a strategy of "I'm going to smack talk and laugh it off" because it will be the most effective thing to help the child and the peers move on from the incident and saying the incident was no big deal, if that makes sense. If the same thing happened in different circumstances (for example, if the child was being bullied continuously), I might suggest other responses, but it seems to me that in this case, being the victim of an (awful) action is different from taking on a victim mentality. ETA: I've worked with bullied teens, and while it is never the victim's fault, having a victim mentality is almost a sure-fire way to increase peer harassment. If a kid can pull of a "the perpetrator is a jerk, what a lame thing to do" attitude, the disdain for the perpetrator's actions tends to be contagious.
The boy got two days suspension, but what should I do about my son.
At 13, it seems a bit late for him to learn that some people can be very cruel, but better to learn now than never. Most of my male classmates in 7th grade would've laughed it off, so I am a bit concerned about your boys sense of self-esteem and confidence. Have you perhaps been babying him a bit too much?
We all have many embarrassing moments in our lives and it is best to learn to deal with them as soon as possible. Too bad this happened so late in his life, but now I would just explain life's facts and reassure him that as a strong, capable young man, he will survive unscathed.
Have we become a society where public stripping and humiliation of innocent children is so common the victim should be laughing it off because "it happens"?
Well, yes.
Because the alternative is worse. This crappy thing happened to this kid. No one (at least no one rational) is saying it SHOULD happen but now that it did the best thing for this child is to move on in a way that preserves as much as his dignity as possible. "Laughing it off" provides a way for someone to take control of their situation. Mom running in and demanding a stronger punishment just makes the peer group, as well as the child (which is way worse) perceive the student as a victim.
As many people will tell you (including those who have been raped) the victim mentality becomes as much of a cage as the act itself, hence the preferred term "survivor". So acknowledge that what happened to this kid sucked, and teach him he how best to survive this incident and not let himself be victimized by it.
My God, what happened to sanity and perspective? Cops? Lawyers? Send the perp to alternative school?? Christ in a space ship, get a GRIP, people! The kid got pansted, not maimed. This has been going on for decades. You know what kids used to do when it happened to them? They didn't call cops, they didn't threaten to sue anyone, and they didn't run home to solicit assurances from their parents that they're still the most precious thing in the world. They pulled their freckin' pants up and got on with their lives. Yes they dealt with mortal embarrassment for a day, lingering embarrassment for maybe a week, but then they coped and moved on.
I really need to stop tripping into the Parents forum; with every thread I read I grow increasingly fearful for the nation of mewling pansies whose parents are raising them to believe that every sleight, every insult, every 5-second affront to their personal dignity must be dealt with by an army of authority figures and bureaucrats to assure them that they're still a good person and that the perpetrator is a wretched meanie (and boy we'll show him!). It is my fervent hope that we come to realize this is no substitute for actual coping skills before subsequent generations can't even bear to get out of bed in the morning unless they're assured they will not be confronted by any degree of discomfort from any source.
My God, what happened to sanity and perspective? Cops? Lawyers? Send the perp to alternative school?? Christ in a space ship, get a GRIP, people! The kid got pansted, not maimed. This has been going on for decades. You know what kids used to do when it happened to them? They didn't call cops, they didn't threaten to sue anyone, and they didn't run home to solicit assurances from their parents that they're still the most precious thing in the world. They pulled their freckin' pants up and got on with their lives. Yes they dealt with mortal embarrassment for a day, lingering embarrassment for maybe a week, but then they coped and moved on.
I really need to stop tripping into the Parents forum; with every thread I read I grow increasingly fearful for the nation of mewling pansies whose parents are raising them to believe that every sleight, every insult, every 5-second affront to their personal dignity must be dealt with by an army of authority figures and bureaucrats to assure them that they're still a good person and that the perpetrator is a wretched meanie (and boy we'll show him!). It is my fervent hope that we come to realize this is no substitute for actual coping skills before subsequent generations can't even bear to get out of bed in the morning unless they're assured they will not be confronted by any degree of discomfort from any source.
Sanity go down the hoooooole.
Anyways, christ drives a space ship? Let me guess a mercury manger?
EXACTLY YES! I love "mewling pansies".
I agree with you, this generation is being taught "you're precious and deserve only happy feelings, happy feelings ALL THE TIME". Coping skills aren't being taught, which is why so many kids kill themselves over bullying when it never used to happen before like it does now.
Maybe if more kids were taught that there are a ****ton of people in the world and we can't control any of them, we can't change any of them, we can't make them be nice, there are some nice people and some mean people, we enjoy the nice ones and ignore the mean ones.
We should raise them with the self confidence that they AREN'T what that bully says they are, to ignore those comments because they have the confidence to know they aren't true.
My God, what happened to sanity and perspective? Cops? Lawyers? Send the perp to alternative school?? Christ in a space ship, get a GRIP, people! The kid got pansted, not maimed. This has been going on for decades. You know what kids used to do when it happened to them? They didn't call cops, they didn't threaten to sue anyone, and they didn't run home to solicit assurances from their parents that they're still the most precious thing in the world. They pulled their freckin' pants up and got on with their lives. Yes they dealt with mortal embarrassment for a day, lingering embarrassment for maybe a week, but then they coped and moved on.
I really need to stop tripping into the Parents forum; with every thread I read I grow increasingly fearful for the nation of mewling pansies whose parents are raising them to believe that every sleight, every insult, every 5-second affront to their personal dignity must be dealt with by an army of authority figures and bureaucrats to assure them that they're still a good person and that the perpetrator is a wretched meanie (and boy we'll show him!). It is my fervent hope that we come to realize this is no substitute for actual coping skills before subsequent generations can't even bear to get out of bed in the morning unless they're assured they will not be confronted by any degree of discomfort from any source.
While I agree with you, I think you should take note that the vast majority of us on this thread feel the same way as you.
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