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The most important point in this post is mention of the husband doing something with the kids. Up to this point, the impression I've gotten is one of married single mothers who do everything for their kids all by themselves.
Is this an accurate perception, or am I missing something?
Yes. My husband works close to home, goes in early, doesn't take a lunch, and comes home close to 5:00 every day. He does sometimes have weekend and evening work responsibilities. I am able to work because my husband doesn't travel and doesn't normally work late into the evening, and because my job is a standard M-F, 8-5. I realize a lot of husbands aren't around much, and I realize a lot of jobs require more than 40 hours. My issue is with posters who think every job requires working evenings, or putting in 12 hour days, and thus "quitting your kids." Even if my husband didn't help as much as he does, I'd still be home between 5:15 and 5:45 every evening. We'd still eat dinner together. I'd still tuck my kids in every night. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that some people are unaware that a lot of jobs end at 5:00.
On the subject of husbands helping out, I have a lot of mom friends who stay home. They stay home because their husbands travel and work long hours, and do very little work around the house. Their husbands also make a lot of money (I assume, based on the way they live). I also know couples who both work lower salary jobs, and are both home in the evenings, and both contribute to the house work. By lower salary I don't mean "low." I mean they are things like teachers and social workers who work normal hours and don't travel. They probably combined make what one of the other husbands makes alone.
There are a lot of ways to make a household run. I have a real issue with a stranger on the internet telling me my way isn't working.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 02-16-2013 at 08:56 AM..
Reason: typo
Just as a parent needs to be there for their kids and things can crop up at any moment unexpectedly, a business owner has an obligation to its customers to provide on time service and support. There are some businesses that are able to accommodate flexible working hours for employees; some are not. I know that mine is not. Some don't want to change their workplace structure and they have every right to do that. I guess the only option is to seek employment with a company that has family friendly policies.
Being angry that a business does not support one's personal needs seems over the top to me.
I don't know if it is anger as much as frustration. Kids or not, I think it is a lot for an employer to expect such long inflexible hours. There are a lot of hard working, qualified people who would make fantastic employees if employers were more flexible. I think some compromise and flexibility could benefit everyone.
I know Anne Marie personally. Her husband only did his fair share while she was working in DC. And thats only part of the reason why she wrote that oped. She would have never written that oped had it been possible, even with a somewhat supportive husband, to have the career and be a mom.
I know Anne Marie personally. Her husband only did his fair share while she was working in DC. And thats only part of the reason why she wrote that oped. She would have never written that oped had it been possible, even with a somewhat supportive husband, to have the career and be a mom.
I personally cannot imagine a career where I was away from my family Mon-Fri. Anne Marie says she still has a career; it's just in Princeton, where the rest of the family lives.
I will ask my now-20s daughters whether they are thankful that I was working full-time while they were in middle school and high school and get back to you, tiff. Somehow I doubt they will say yes.
And I literally just asked my 19yos if they were ever bothered by the fact that I worked or that they felt I wasn't there for them.
They actually laughed. My daughter said I was there, all the time. When I told her I mean while I was at work, she said "you mean when I was at school?". Apparently she never felt a lack of parenting.
No you are not missing anything. Men still don't pull their weight when it comes to parenting. This is statistically documented. But I'm sure we will hear about an army of perfect fathers who do exactly 50% or more of the parenting. More denial, more exaggeration, more lies.
That piece is crapola. Why would any parent think that livingi n one state and working in another, requiring 12+ hour days is going to work. That isn't being a bad mother, its being a bad parent. Fathers should not choose positions that require being away from home that much during the formative years.
It isnt that women can't have it all, its that PARENTS can't have it all. And even in that piece the author still worked full time, she just made a CHOICE to be in a more family friendly position.
It is a strawman and afalse dichotomy that working is bad and staying home is good. Working at the RIGHT job is just as good as staying home, at the very least for school aged children.
I know Anne Marie personally. Her husband only did his fair share while she was working in DC. And thats only part of the reason why she wrote that oped. She would have never written that oped had it been possible, even with a somewhat supportive husband, to have the career and be a mom.
That piece is crapola. Why would any parent think that livingi n one state and working in another, requiring 12+ hour days is going to work. That isn't being a bad mother, its being a bad parent. Fathers should not choose positions that require being away from home that much during the formative years.
It isnt that women can't have it all, its that PARENTS can't have it all. And even in that piece the author still worked full time, she just made a CHOICE to be in a more family friendly position.
It is a strawman and afalse dichotomy that working is bad and staying home is good. Working at the RIGHT job is just as good as staying home, at the very least for school aged children.
Exactly! Just this thread is full of people who actually just set unrealistic expectations and putting unnecessary burden on themselves. Of course a good parent is not one who is away Mon-Fri and only get to see the children on weekends. However, that is also not the only career choice, and she should not be surprised by how difficult it is to make that work, if at all possible. But then we also have people here who say they would only work if they can give 150% to their careers, which if the math is done correctly, means working 12 hours while getting paid 8 hours. That is in addition to assisting the children for 4 hours to do their homework, or she becomes a bad mother?! Then the requirement to do all the errands and chores within the weekdays or their children cannot spend their weekends doing 100% fun!
If that is how people here are setting the bar, then of course it's stressful and something's going to break. But their own bosses and children are not the ones who set these expectations! There's the occasional overtime hours that one needs to spend, but there are many bosses that are happy if they work only 40 to 45 hours a week, as opposed to 60 hours a week? Also, I don't think doing 4 hours of homework is necessary in most cases, plus I don't know any children who despised their parents because they have to run errands and do some chores on weekends, and end up with one day instead of two days to have some fun! If your children complain that you have to spend some hours with them on the weekends doing grocery shopping, buying their books for class, getting their outfits for the school play, etc. Do yourself a favor and smack them right there! You're not being a bad parent, they're being sheltered brats!
Exactly! Just this thread is full of people who actually just set unrealistic expectations and putting unnecessary burden on themselves. Of course a good parent is not one who is away Mon-Fri and only get to see the children on weekends. However, that is also not the only career choice, and she should not be surprised by how difficult it is to make that work, if at all possible. But then we also have people here who say they would only work if they can give 150% to their careers, which if the math is done correctly, means working 12 hours while getting paid 8 hours. That is in addition to assisting the children for 4 hours to do their homework, or she becomes a bad mother?! Then the requirement to do all the errands and chores within the weekdays or their children cannot spend their weekends doing 100% fun!
If that is how people here are setting the bar, then of course it's stressful and something's going to break. But their own bosses and children are not the ones who set these expectations! There's the occasional overtime hours that one needs to spend, but there are many bosses that are happy if they work only 40 to 45 hours a week, as opposed to 60 hours a week? Also, I don't think doing 4 hours of homework is necessary in most cases, plus I don't know any children who despised their parents because they have to run errands and do some chores on weekends, and end up with one day instead of two days to have some fun! If your children complain that you have to spend some hours with them on the weekends doing grocery shopping, buying their books for class, getting their outfits for the school play, etc. Do yourself a favor and smack them right there! You're not being a bad parent, they're being sheltered brats!
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