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Nope. Only four states have actual laws on the books about how old a kid must be to stay home alone. Of those states, two allow eight-year-olds to stay home alone, one allows ten-year-olds, and the other allows fourteen-year-olds (which seems insane to me -- I've hired younger babysitters!).
Personally, I can't say I worry much about kidnappings/random crime. Statistically the most dangerous thing my child will do all day is get in my car after school and ride home. Nothing else even comes close. Until she turned five the next most dangerous was taking a bath but at her age it's probably riding a bike.
I don't let my son (7) wander around the neighborhood because (1) we don't know our neighbors; people aren't friendly in this area. They'll be out walking their dogs and won't so much as say "hi" or smile. (2) people here drive horribly. We have a million speed bumps but everyday I still see someone doing 40-50 mph through our residential area.
Now I do let him go off by himself when we're at theme parks but I always dress him in something easy to spot and I still position myself in an area where he can't leave without me seeing him. I think (hope) that I've drummed into his head not to go off with anyone and how to identify people in uniforms if he gets lost (actually happened at Sea World once.
All the same he loves being able to wander the play areas freely and ride alone.
Multiple choice. What is the annual number of children in the USA who are abducted by strangers and not returned unharmed within 48 hours:
a) 2 million
b) 200,000
c) 20,000
d) 2,000
e) 200
f) 20
g) 2
The correct answer is e) 200. Which is smaller than the number of children who are dropped, scalded, drowned, strangled, electrocuted, or otherwise maimed accidentally by their own parents who think they are safer under Mommy's constant vigil. Not even counting the millions who grow up with absolutely no sense of good judgment or common sense that arises from being left on their own to sort out the world for themselves.
And yes, I would at least partially judge a parent whose kid got kidnapped or hurt because he or she was allowed to wander around unsupervised at a young age. More than that, though, I cannot imagine how much that parent would blame themselves for the rest of their lives, wondering if they could've easily prevented the tragedy from happening. Therefore, I would not want to place myself in the position where there is even the tiniest risk of this happening. It's like leaving your toddler alone in the bathtub for a few minutes - chances are, nothing will happen, but there is that however tiny risk that something WILL happen precisely in those few minutes that you're gone - and it's something you'd never forgive yourself for. Why risk that happening?
As a parent of almost-5 year olds, this is still my mentality. Maybe one day I will give them more trust but I honestly don't see it coming anytime soon. Of course if someone else's parent is watching their kids while playing with mine, I still have to question whether they are actually going to do it. Better safe than sorry is still my way of thinking right now.
I equate this with not being worried anymore about my wife driving everywhere/anywhere now. She hadn't driven in 10 years. With time comes experience/trust.
As a parent of almost-5 year olds, this is still my mentality. Maybe one day I will give them more trust but I honestly don't see it coming anytime soon.
The thing is, there really are some major cognitive shifts in kids that happen sometime around first grade.
When they're three, four, five years old, they still feel like "little kids" even though they're constantly growing and changing and developing new skills. Sometime around six, seven, eight, they put a lot of things together and their competence to be out in the world increases pretty massively.
It doesn't mean they're necessarily ready to be set loose in the world with no restrictions whatsoever (mine is eight-and-a-half, and while she does have some freedom to be out by herself it's within certain boundaries and we know where she is), but they'll be capable of more trust and responsibility by then, and they'll find ways to let you know it.
The thing is, there really are some major cognitive shifts in kids that happen sometime around first grade.
When they're three, four, five years old, they still feel like "little kids" even though they're constantly growing and changing and developing new skills. Sometime around six, seven, eight, they put a lot of things together and their competence to be out in the world increases pretty massively.
It doesn't mean they're necessarily ready to be set loose in the world with no restrictions whatsoever (mine is eight-and-a-half, and while she does have some freedom to be out by herself it's within certain boundaries and we know where she is), but they'll be capable of more trust and responsibility by then, and they'll find ways to let you know it.
I agree with you 100%. One of the things my son likes to do is go get things in the grocery store. I have no idea why but its a huge deal for him. So he'll say "what's next on the list" and I'll say "milk" and he'll say "I'll get it" and take off. He likes to go to the bakery alone and ask for a cookie at Publix.He likes to go in the gas station and pay for the gas.
He's never really completely out of my sight but the fact that I'm not standing right there next to him makes him feel like a big kid.
I would never allow "free range" for my dd, mostly because we live in a sketchy area, on the corner of a busy intersection. Even if we lived in a safer area, unless I knew my neighbors well, I wouldn't be comfortable with her running around unsupervised and in and out of homes of people I knew nothing about.
I'm not the type to sit and watch CNN all day, and be paranoid about everything and everybody, but I do know that there are some unscrupulous people out there, and those people look and act just as normal as I do. I wouldn't know who they are unless I knew them...and sometimes not even then. Kids being abused isn't just something that I've "heard" happen on the news. I personally know many women who were molested as children by fathers of friends or neighbors, and this was back in the days before the constant media coverage we have now. When my mother was a child, she described being accosted by a neighbor, so this was back in the 1950s, when she and all kids had that "home before the street lights come on" freedom. Things like that have always happened, even though it wasn't talked about or in the media, and I wonder if it WAS talked about more back then, would parents have been more cautious about letting their kids roam free.
If I lived in an area where I really knew my neighbors and felt comfortable that not only would my dd not come to any harm with them, but they would look out for her just as they would their own, then I would probably be willing to allow that kind of free range. But other than those circumstances, I am just not willing to take a risk on my dd's safety and well being.
As you point out though even in this age of hyper parental controls an obsessive nannyism the incidents have increased rather than decreased. It has nothing to do with whether kids free range. most of the time the molester is a trusted friend or relative. That being the case, the kids are actually safer free ranging than being watched by a trusted friend or relative.
As you point out though even in this age of hyper parental controls an obsessive nannyism the incidents have increased rather than decreased. It has nothing to do with whether kids free range. most of the time the molester is a trusted friend or relative. That being the case, the kids are actually safer free ranging than being watched by a trusted friend or relative.
From personal experience, I have to agree with with you. I never stayed home if I could help it.
At age 7 I had the responsibility to walk my younger (11 whole months younger) brothers home from school. We had moved to a new neighborhood and I made sure we crossed the streets.
Even before that I can remember running around the old neighborhood.
The new neighborhood had more friends and more opportunities for exploring. We left home after breakfast and came home at dinner time. Coming home for lunch was optional, as mom knew we would eat somewhere.
By age 13 I was babysitting, not only overnight, but over the weekend... 3 kids - twin girls who were 4 and their 2 year old brother. Those weekends were so fun that the memories are still so fresh. I loved to take them to the nearby park, where we would picnic and swim in the wading pool all day.
The only injury I ever saw during all those weekends happened to me. I cut open my thumb on a can of Spam... I healed.
My son grew up in the BIG city and I let him roam at will. He didn't stray too far, but he'd travel everywhere on his scooter. He was more limited in what he and his friends could do because in Phoenix, AZ things are a bit spread out.
As a teen I would walk around Phoenix, AZ but usually no more than a mile or two. To go anywhere else we rode bikes. With wheels we traveled from Luke Air Force Base to Encanto Park... and all spots in between.
My son grew up in Phoenix, and I let him roam at will from kindergarten onward. He didn't stray too far. He never learned to ride a bike, but loved his scooter and was out on that and went a few miles with his friends.
I agree with those who say that each child is different. As parents it is up to us to determine the boundaries we put on our children. (I have a brother that should never have been let off the front porch. ) Every child matures at his/her own pace.
As you point out though even in this age of hyper parental controls an obsessive nannyism the incidents have increased rather than decreased. It has nothing to do with whether kids free range. most of the time the molester is a trusted friend or relative. That being the case, the kids are actually safer free ranging than being watched by a trusted friend or relative.
That could be true, but it's still a big enough risk factor to make me be cautious about it. I wouldn't want to keep my kid locked inside, but I would like to know where she is and who's home she is in. It's not even just molestation. Some parents are okay with just about anything going on in their home, whether it's drugs or sex or watching porn on pay-per-view. Some parents may be on drugs themselves. You just never know unless you make it your business to know. Free range sounds wonderful, I would love to feel comfortable with my child having such freedom, but I just wouldn't.
One additional comment. Even if you do let kids free range a bit, the judgment and comments you can get from other parents can be quite negative. My friend was commenting on her neighbor's kid who was riding her scooter or bike up and down the neighborhood street. Mom was inside and kid was unsupervised. The kid is 8 and the neighborhood streets are pretty safe. Even when she came over to my house and the kids were tossing a football around outside, she was hyper and wanted to constantly check on them. I almost felt guilty about letting them go outside. I find that my friend's attitude is not uncommon. Although people drive too darned fast around here, we do have sidewalks and the kids aren't in any immediate danger.
We had another incident that got me thinking. I leave my son alone at times if I'm shuttling my daughter around. Never longer than an 45 mins or so but sometimes he just likes to stay at home, do his homework or piano or just relax. He usually asks me if he can stay and I make sure that he is comfortable with it. We've been building up some alone time to give him a bit more confidence and independence. Beats sitting in a car while we wait for his sister, especially on those cold winter days. He will be 11 next month. One day when I was dropping her off, he was at home practicing the piano and a solicitor came to the door, heard him practicing. When he wouldn't answer the door, this guy kept pounding until my son.......shudders......... opened it and told him his parents weren't here. This was in the afternoon. Now, we've had all the safety talks, practices, etc with my son but this guy was relentless and did not show good judgement. This solicitor (from Optimum Online trying to get us back as customers) came back to try again at 7:30 pm a few days later and did his door pounding thing again while we were home. After he gave my husband a really pushy sales talk and starting to aggravate my husband to the point of raised voices, he kinda threatened us about leaving my son alone and told us what happened. Of course my son didn't tell us what had happened but this guy did. I almost felt like he was going to call DYFS on us. I was glad to find out what my son had done but I wasn't glad to be threatened or made to feel crappy as a parent. After this, we gave my son a stern talking to and didn't leave him alone for several months. Now it isn't more than 20 minutes or so if I have to drop off/pick up my daughter.
In our area, free range kids just aren't that common and when you do give them those freedoms, people can judge you pretty harshly.
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) Every child matures at his/her own pace. 
