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When I read posts like this, I have a deeper appreciation of the sacrifices my parents have made for me. Even after graduating (and making >90k/yr), they allowed me to stay on rent-free, purchased a car for me and took care of the little day to day costs without asking for a dime for almost 3yrs. Admittedly, I was saving for grad school and they understood that. Obviously, I was not an ungrateful child and did my own part (took care of my little brother, did household chores, helped around with upkeep, etc).
I come from a culture where the children of the home are respected and nurtured until they've established their own households. Even when parents are strapped for cash, their children are rarely in the know. Thankfully, I have a different relationship with my own parents and constantly let them know I am available to help with whatever issues that arise.
This is a reminder to me to continue to honor my parents and love them for their unconditional sacrifices.
After splitting from a divorce, I stayed with my parents (i had a job making about 35k but had about 10k in debt to pay off in addition to a car). They charged me about 100 a month for rent (plus chores) and i was responsible for my own food.
My son just graduated (with his doctorate) and is currently looking at apartments in San Francisco. He said that most are $2,000 to $2,500 a month and that does not include utilities. He would jump at the chance to live with a relative for only $400 a month! BTW I don't know his income but I suspect that it is about the same as your son's income ($40,000 a year as a post-doctorial researcher) or maybe somewhat higher.
You are being very reasonable to charge your son that little to stay at home. He should be able to easily pay down his student loans, esp. not having to make car payments.
Or let him check out how much it would cost if he lived in his own apartment & paid all of the expenses himself. I bet that he would be happy to pay you only $400.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-17-2013 at 01:37 PM..
Wait a sec, you were making 90K and you didn't buy your own car? I'm sorry but that is just not right.
Haha... Luckily, it is not up to you to determine what is "right" in my case. The car was a graduation present because they acknowledged how hard I worked in school and wanted me to feel appreciated. Please make no mistake: I didn't ask for the car and had actually planned to get one with my own funds.
When I eventually finish grad school and have more stability in my career, I can assure you that my parents will continue to want for nothing. I believe that at the end of the day, raising children to have unremitting love and respect for you truly pays off.
I believe that at the end of the day, raising children to have unremitting love and respect for you truly pays off.
And even more can be said when they receive the same unremitting love from children not because of the financial sacrifices they made. I truly believe the work ethic I required in my early years are beyond valuable and something that so many entitled and babied kids in my generation lack (I'm 25).
I had a trip for work last week with a guy about my age who was an only child with most everything given to him and it was interesting, and probably why I make around triple what he does while I have an associates and he has a bachelors. I've had jobs regularly since 13 and he never really worked till college.
What's with people going 80-100k worth of debt for college? If you go to a CC for 2 years and then transfer out to a state school you can cut the cost of your degree in half. The people going 100k into debt are the ones who move far away to live in dorms to party and come out with a useless non STEM degree.
My daughter's $90K in student loans came from grad school, where she was told NOT to work. This was at a state university. One does need money to eat and live, as well as go to school. Her degree is in physical therapy. Useless?
My daughter's $90K in student loans came from grad school, where she was told NOT to work. This was at a state university. One does need money to eat and live, as well as go to school. Her degree is in physical therapy. Useless?
Kind of useless if she isn't able to make enough afterwards to live on her own entirely independent after she's done.. unless you were talking about while she was in school.
This lack of work experience, independence, etc is why some kids end up moving home after college.
You turn 18 and you should be an adult if you were raised right. By the time youre done with college, ten fold. If your kids still want/need help after that, then theres more issues, even if it means picking a crappy major so they can't get a decent job.
Parents think they are "helping" so much by babying their kids till their mid to late 20's. More often than not they are actually hurting them.
Kind of useless if she isn't able to make enough afterwards to live on her own entirely independent after she's done.. unless you were talking about while she was in school.
This lack of work experience, independence, etc is why some kids end up moving home after college.
You turn 18 and you should be an adult if you were raised right. By the time youre done with college, ten fold. If your kids still want/need help after that, then theres more issues, even if it means picking a crappy major so they can't get a decent job.
Parents think they are "helping" so much by babying their kids till their mid to late 20's. More often than not they are actually hurting them.
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Would you please explain what the heck you mean about my daughter?
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The moral of my story....
