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Compared to when? I don't see there being any correlation between single parents, and a sudden rise in problems. Plus forcing 2 people to get married when they have no desire just makes them miserable, and that directly affects a child as well.
They were in love enough to have sex. Seems that they had plenty of desire when they were having sex. Why would they be miserable now? Unless you are saying that they don't really love each other. In that case this is a result of what I was talking about.
That you can not see the correlation between an increase in single parents and a rise in problems is amazing. The ideal situation for the child is a mom and dad at home. When two people create a family and work together on building a strong family they can succeed and normally do just that. You can look at the past and see where people in similar situations have been able to work together at building a life. They got married and did what they had to do to succeed. You see less of that today. When the moms decide to keep the baby more than likely both parties end up fighting, the father walks away from his responsibility as a father, while the mom is saddled with trying to make things happen. It is sad when it has become so commonplace that people think that this choice is OK.
If this couple can not see themselves as making this work then adoption is the only real choice. Once again saying I do not believe in abortion.
Well we talked to them last night. They are determined to keep the baby and make it work. I went over all costs involved as I researched apartments and costs along with utilities, food, the possibility of buying formula, everything!!
I also went over the military option.
They were receptive to all of it!!
There was no yelling or blame. No accusations, simply reality. I did let them know that I would babysit at nights for school and such. We told them about working opposing shifts like we did to save on child care.
At the end, her bf thanked us profusely for going over everything because he had no idea in reality how much it would cost to have a family. They both said they felt weird the past couple days because we were kind of stand offish. I told them that I needed to wrap my head around it and just think. They did that. They gave us space and I thanked them for it. I actually slept last night for the first time.
They asked questions that were intelligent. She has a plan to continue school through the local college that has an agreement with a four year right there.
We explained how rough it will be and they will fight and want to run but the child is now the most important and they must do all they can for the child.
I took the one posters advice and used the line that they have taken themselves out of the child role and put themselves in the parent role of a family. It seemed to put it in perspective for them. I did give them a three month time frame to get their place and get it set for them to move in. We will help them by looking at them. Giving them any extra things we may have, etc.
We will help them by looking at places and figuring out a budget and all.
They want to raise this baby. Not us and not his parents. That is good.
I will help them do so.
I gave them a clipboard and pen and I used a whiteboard. They took notes and did calculations. It was encouraging for us to see.
I'm not thinking it will be all wonderful but I am a little more hopeful about the situation.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. You helped me to look at this from many angles and be rational when my emotions were out of control.
I am very grateful and humbled by this whole experience.
Jerseye, of course you were scared, that's part of being a mom - I think, despite this unplanned pregnancy, you have still raised a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders. The reality will, of course, be much harder than they realize (those of us who were older and married found it to be too!) but they will be okay in the end. It goes quick. Heck, our best friends did the same thing at that age, and now their kids are getting ready to start looking at colleges. At 35, they are still young enough to enjoy life, without worrying about diapers anymore. It's not all bad. Congrats on your grand baby.
Remember, she came and told you at 6 weeks - a lot of young girls would put it off as long as they could, out of fear. She obviously had some faith in you to confide this so soon.
Well we talked to them last night. They are determined to keep the baby and make it work. I went over all costs involved as I researched apartments and costs along with utilities, food, the possibility of buying formula, everything!!
I also went over the military option.
They were receptive to all of it!!
There was no yelling or blame. No accusations, simply reality. I did let them know that I would babysit at nights for school and such. We told them about working opposing shifts like we did to save on child care.
At the end, her bf thanked us profusely for going over everything because he had no idea in reality how much it would cost to have a family. They both said they felt weird the past couple days because we were kind of stand offish. I told them that I needed to wrap my head around it and just think. They did that. They gave us space and I thanked them for it. I actually slept last night for the first time.
They asked questions that were intelligent. She has a plan to continue school through the local college that has an agreement with a four year right there.
We explained how rough it will be and they will fight and want to run but the child is now the most important and they must do all they can for the child.
I took the one posters advice and used the line that they have taken themselves out of the child role and put themselves in the parent role of a family. It seemed to put it in perspective for them. I did give them a three month time frame to get their place and get it set for them to move in. We will help them by looking at them. Giving them any extra things we may have, etc.
We will help them by looking at places and figuring out a budget and all.
They want to raise this baby. Not us and not his parents. That is good.
I will help them do so.
I gave them a clipboard and pen and I used a whiteboard. They took notes and did calculations. It was encouraging for us to see.
I'm not thinking it will be all wonderful but I am a little more hopeful about the situation.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. You helped me to look at this from many angles and be rational when my emotions were out of control.
I am very grateful and humbled by this whole experience.
This is EXCELLENT news!
Now, you can get ready to enjoy that baby. I'm so happy for you!
That is where parenting comes in. It is possible for parents to make sure that this kind of thing does not happen.
All good parenting can do is ensure their children are prepared to have sex safely, and delay early sex by being involved in their childs lives, and stressing the importance of education. But the reality is that once your child decides to have sex, your parenting abilities will no longer factor in.
They were in love enough to have sex. Seems that they had plenty of desire when they were having sex. Why would they be miserable now? Unless you are saying that they don't really love each other. In that case this is a result of what I was talking about.
Love and sex are not tied together however. You don't need to be in one to have the other. They had plenty of desire to have sex for sure, whether or not love factored in is a different story. And to be realistic at 19, it's is usually lust that teens are mistaking for love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
That you can not see the correlation between an increase in single parents and a rise in problems is amazing. The ideal situation for the child is a mom and dad at home. When two people create a family and work together on building a strong family they can succeed and normally do just that. You can look at the past and see where people in similar situations have been able to work together at building a life. They got married and did what they had to do to succeed. You see less of that today. When the moms decide to keep the baby more than likely both parties end up fighting, the father walks away from his responsibility as a father, while the mom is saddled with trying to make things happen. It is sad when it has become so commonplace that people think that this choice is OK.
Well then show me some facts to back things up. People in the past also were forced to stay together *and usually pressured to marry* due to draconian marriage laws. Parents who were emotionally abusive to one another, very unhappy, or being abused physically, had little recourse. That's really a bit different from people staying together and working it out .
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
this couple can not see themselves as making this work then adoption is the only real choice. Once again saying I do not believe in abortion.
That's your choice however, not theirs.
Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 09-09-2013 at 06:35 AM..
I for one am VERY GLAD that my daughter didn't marry the father of her firstborn. It would have made a less than ideal situation even more complicated.
She did hold his feet to the fire for child support - which he was never all that great at paying, even though it was a very small amount. In fact, the way she "got him" to finally sign over his parental rights to allow her husband to adopt our oldest grandchild was to "forgive him" of his back child support. He and his family are still a part of the child's life, which I think is good, but she now has the same last name as the rest of her siblings. We also don't have to worry about what could happen if, God forbid, something terrible happened to my daughter and she could no longer take care of the kids. We could see how the other family could come in and get custody of the oldest, and separate the kids, which would have been AWFUL. I mean, the oldest has had my daughter's husband in the role of Daddy since she was a year old - she doesn't remember a time when he wasn't in her life.
Fathers aren't always Daddies. If the father isn't Daddy material, then that's a very good reason not to marry him!
I was a young mother. My parents did help us out, I finished school, and have a great career which is my second one actually. So even under those not ideal circumstances I managed to obtain two degrees and even did some credits towards a masters in education. Because my family helped me I never had to go on any form of public assistance but they didn't do it all for us either. It was very hard to manage work, school, and not having the life of people my age but I made it. The child is now a young adult and I have no regrets. It didn't work out with the father and I'm re-married and we had more children. Just want to share this because a teen mom doesn't always end up a statistic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719
Well we talked to them last night. They are determined to keep the baby and make it work. I went over all costs involved as I researched apartments and costs along with utilities, food, the possibility of buying formula, everything!!
I also went over the military option.
They were receptive to all of it!!
There was no yelling or blame. No accusations, simply reality. I did let them know that I would babysit at nights for school and such. We told them about working opposing shifts like we did to save on child care.
At the end, her bf thanked us profusely for going over everything because he had no idea in reality how much it would cost to have a family. They both said they felt weird the past couple days because we were kind of stand offish. I told them that I needed to wrap my head around it and just think. They did that. They gave us space and I thanked them for it. I actually slept last night for the first time.
They asked questions that were intelligent. She has a plan to continue school through the local college that has an agreement with a four year right there.
We explained how rough it will be and they will fight and want to run but the child is now the most important and they must do all they can for the child.
I took the one posters advice and used the line that they have taken themselves out of the child role and put themselves in the parent role of a family. It seemed to put it in perspective for them. I did give them a three month time frame to get their place and get it set for them to move in. We will help them by looking at them. Giving them any extra things we may have, etc.
We will help them by looking at places and figuring out a budget and all.
They want to raise this baby. Not us and not his parents. That is good.
I will help them do so.
I gave them a clipboard and pen and I used a whiteboard. They took notes and did calculations. It was encouraging for us to see.
I'm not thinking it will be all wonderful but I am a little more hopeful about the situation.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. You helped me to look at this from many angles and be rational when my emotions were out of control.
I am very grateful and humbled by this whole experience.
Fathers aren't always Daddies. If the father isn't Daddy material, then that's a very good reason not to marry him!
You are right about that Moderator Cut.
Last edited by Jaded; 09-10-2013 at 01:34 AM..
Reason: Too off-topic and argumentative
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