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I'm not against marriage for that reason. It's one of the best ways for a father to stay very involved with his child, without welfare handouts it's MUCH harder for a single young mother to raise a child than it is for a married young mother to raise a child.
I don't disagree on this although I think much more important than marriage is education for teen parenting situations. Because people can flake out and jobs are competitive, plus the statistics show that those with bachelors+ are just having a much easier time of things.
OPs Daughters BF sounds like a good guy but she has to make sure she can support the child with or without his help.
I am adamantly opposed to abortion in cases like this, but when I had to put my money where my mouth was, when my own daughter became pregnant at age 19, I realized just how torn people can be.
TO THE OP:
That being said, Jersey, I DO hope she keeps the baby and that you get to experience the amazing love of a grandmother for her grandchild. IT IS THE MOST FABULOUS FEELING! There's no love like it - it's different from the love you feel for your own children. It's so much more relaxed, so easy going and yet, still so overwhelming! When you are with your daughter, and she's in labor, and you are overcome with concern and excitement, not only for your own child, but for your grandchild...wow, it's just hard to explain. And you're young - as I was. This is even BETTER! So much energy to spend loving up on that child! It's so much fun!
You won't regret supporting her decision to keep this baby, if she decides to do so. But you may regret it if you encourage her to abort the baby. It can cause so many problems between you and your daughter down the road - I've seen it in several cases. But a child is a gift. This baby is a gift to your family. The first time you hold this gift, I promise you, you won't regret supporting your daughter's decision to have this baby. You will be overwhelmed with love. Don't cheat your family out of this.
By the way, when my daughter had her baby, she had two younger brothers and a younger sister. They were ages 12, 14, and 16. None of them "followed in her footsteps." But oh my gosh, how they loved that baby! The cutest thing was how crazy my youngest son was about his niece. I could barely pry her out of his arms for WEEKS! Every picture from the hospital, he's either holding her or hovering over whoever is. He wouldn't even go home -he insisted on sleeping at the hospital with her in a chair! Eleven years later, he's still crazy about her. And he's still not married, and still not a dad - but one day he will be a great dad - just seeing how nurturing he is with his nieces and nephews tells me this.
Last edited by Jaded; 09-09-2013 at 06:41 PM..
Reason: Removed deleted post and reference to it.
I agree! That idea of getting married just because a teen became pregnant went out 40 years ago .
Yup and we have so many more problems now because of it. People are not willing to take responsibility for their actions. So many children are being raised in single parent homes. That is just not right. Parents have a need to realize that they need to do what is best for the child that they created and stop being so selfish.
No, it is a good example of how parents should discuss this issue with daughters from age 8, and also be proactive in assisting daughters in getting birth control.
It was basically drilled into my daughter's head, ''When can you have a baby?' ',
''When I graduate from college, move out, have a car, and support myself.''.
That was a litany she knew, when we discussed other girls who were pregnant.
My values are, if you can't support yourself, you have no business having a baby. Babies need food, clothes, diapers, a place to live, and a parent who already has those issues solved, so the focus is on the baby.
Important to teach boys and girls the importance of waiting for marriage before they have sex period end of story. Some things are just too sacred to offer them to anyone other than that person who you will spend your life with.
Yup and we have so many more problems now because of it. People are not willing to take responsibility for their actions. So many children are being raised in single parent homes. That is just not right. Parents have a need to realize that they need to do what is best for the child that they created and stop being so selfish.
Compared to when? I don't see there being any correlation between single parents, and a sudden rise in problems. Plus forcing 2 people to get married when they have no desire just makes them miserable, and that directly affects a child as well.
Important to teach boys and girls the importance of waiting for marriage before they have sex period end of story. Some things are just too sacred to offer them to anyone other than that person who you will spend your life with.
Many young women that have them wish that they never would have. I know a few people that are bothered by the fact that they made that decision.
Some people do experience regret, but the majority don't. And the issue with the first group is that you are left wondering whether it's personal regret, or social reasons making a woman feel she has to regret her decision.
Well at lot of times, teens do ruin their lives if they have any kind of higher aspirations such as college. For every success story there are like many others that just don't make it and end up on welfare the rest of their lives. No decent parent would ever want to see their child live like that, so while it may be harsh, the good intentions are still there.
Of course they can ruin their lives. I have a 17 yr old granddaughter that is very close to doing just that. Her mother(now 43) pretty much did the same thing the OP's daughter has done and I did not handle it very well, at all. She still struggles with poor choices but, I love her and do what I can.
I wasn't questioning the OP's harshness, I was questioning her statement.
I hope the OP and her daughter can work through this time successfully for all concerned.
That is where parenting comes in. It is possible for parents to make sure that this kind of thing does not happen.
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