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I'm usually a supporter of father-son heart to heart talks, but I'm not sure it would work in this case. The OP doesn't seem comfortable with showing emotion towards his boys, and if they are resistant to his overtures, it could backfire.
I think you should write a letter OP, not an email, a real letter to your sons. Tell them you thought you were doing the right thing at the time, but you realize now (you DO realize now, don't you?), that you were wrong. Let them know you love them, and have always loved them. Then ask them to forgive you.
I think thats the best idea, writing a letter. Although of course the OP won't do it as he's a troll who most likely doesn't even have children (and I don't understand why everyone keeps responding to him) but its still good advice for any parent who has a broken relationship with their child(ren) for similar reasons.
It's not my style to do those things, their mother already does plenty of that. She babied them a lot when they were kids.
At your first post, you had me on your side. (I agree with a swat on the behind when they need it BTW, but not a harsh spanking at ALL) BUT, FOR THIS COMMENT, I disagree with what you say.
Just because you are a disciplinarian (nothing wrong with that unless it is cruel punishment), to hug them or telling them you love them EVERY SINGLE DAY, does NOT mean you are babying or spoiling a child.
I have 3 sons, a 22 year old and 19 year old twins. I was always very strict since they were little kids when it came to politeness. I've always expected them to have impeccable manners, no answering back as teens, always deferring to their superiors and no less than top grades at school. I spanked them whenever I though it was necessary and contrary to modern parenting, I think spanking is a very effective method. One day one of the twins wouldn't stop putting his fingers in his mouth while eating, he was about 4. A single slap in the face and he never did it again.
Besides, their mother and both grandmothers babied them a lot and were far too tolerant with them. Therefore, there had to be someone to show them some discipline.
One of the twins had a car crash a few weeks ago. He was returning home with a couple of friends, it was raining and the car fell down a hill into a small creek. The police was called but couldn't find them. We had to wait 6 hours until they managed to get back up (it was during the night).
At Christmas, I overheard a conversation between him and his grandmother. She was telling him how his mother cried throughout the whole time we didn't know about him and he could never imagine how much everyone was worried. And she said "Your father as well, of course". And my son rolled his eyes and said "My father has ice in his veins, he couldn't care less if I came back up in a coffin."
I mean, that struck me. Does he truly think that's how I am? I never expected to hear such a thing.
You reap what you sow. You sowed fear and intimidation and now your son thinks of you as someone with ice in his veins. Hardly surprising.
The OP creates multiple screen names to tell variations of the same story over and over. His recurring themes are: masculine men hit their kids, hitting kids is good for kids because it shows them who's boss, not hitting kids is what has screwed up America and men who show affection and emotion are weak. The recurring sub-plot involves multi-generation daddy hang-ups.
The OP creates multiple screen names to tell variations of the same story over and over. His recurring themes are: masculine men hit their kids, hitting kids is good for kids because it shows them who's boss, not hitting kids is what has screwed up America and men who show affection and emotion are weak. The recurring sub-plot involves multi-generation daddy hang-ups.
And boys benefit from all-male schools, being surrounded by emotionless men who don't get involved with other humans in an emotional way. Having male friends is OK because they understand what it means to be a man as long as they are kept at arms-length and not ever requested for emotional-type support (but you never know when you might need a car towed or a ride home after one too many beers, so at least they have a point). Women are good for sex (if necessary) and birthing as well as doing the raising of children (even though they clearly over coddle, if some emotional support is needed, it at least relieves the man of that unfortunate responsibility). No need to marry them or have any unnecessary emotional connection. That would be unmasculine.
I have 3 sons, a 22 year old and 19 year old twins. I was always very strict since they were little kids when it came to politeness. I've always expected them to have impeccable manners, no answering back as teens, always deferring to their superiors and no less than top grades at school. I spanked them whenever I though it was necessary and contrary to modern parenting, I think spanking is a very effective method. One day one of the twins wouldn't stop putting his fingers in his mouth while eating, he was about 4. A single slap in the face and he never did it again.
Besides, their mother and both grandmothers babied them a lot and were far too tolerant with them. Therefore, there had to be someone to show them some discipline.
One of the twins had a car crash a few weeks ago. He was returning home with a couple of friends, it was raining and the car fell down a hill into a small creek. The police was called but couldn't find them. We had to wait 6 hours until they managed to get back up (it was during the night).
At Christmas, I overheard a conversation between him and his grandmother. She was telling him how his mother cried throughout the whole time we didn't know about him and he could never imagine how much everyone was worried. And she said "Your father as well, of course". And my son rolled his eyes and said "My father has ice in his veins, he couldn't care less if I came back up in a coffin."
I mean, that struck me. Does he truly think that's how I am? I never expected to hear such a thing.
your example of the slap when he was 4 is telling. did you really need to slap a 4 year old for something as harmless as putting his fingers in his mouth?
and all the "boot camp" stuff about grades and deferring to authority - what exactly were you trying to accomplish by being so strict? are you some champion in life yourself?
The OP creates multiple screen names to tell variations of the same story over and over. His recurring themes are: masculine men hit their kids, hitting kids is good for kids because it shows them who's boss, not hitting kids is what has screwed up America and men who show affection and emotion are weak. The recurring sub-plot involves multi-generation daddy hang-ups.
How sad.
Even he knows somethings wrong here or he wouldn't keep posting. Creating multiple screen names to keep doing so is just strange.
Wonder if reading Pat Conroy's The Great Santini might help the poor guy.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 12-31-2013 at 03:43 AM..
If you ask me, it is better to slap a 4 year old in the face rather than to wait until they are 16! (Teach them to follow rules from the get go.)
Actually I feel that it is IMPORTANT for kids to learn to follow rules. Their lives can depend on it! And at some point they will test you to see what they can get away with.
Life saving rules like...
Don't run out into the street!
Don't stick your finger in the electric outlet!
And for later...
Don't text when driving!
11 teenagers DIE each day now because they are texting while driving! Dead!
Is this because no one ever impressed on them how important it is to follow rules? Do what they are told?
Last edited by Billy_J; 12-31-2013 at 05:44 AM..
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