Middle School Bullying (teenager, 13 year old, music, student)
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treat it as a learning experience,,,for coping skills,
sometimes there are no obvious reasons why people do things,,, sometimes its jealousy, and the recipient never sees this, they take it as the opposite something must be wrong with them..
again, its a learning experience.
what is trust, what is honesty , what is loyalty?
people change, people hang with new friends, people adjust,,
the best reaction is no reaction at all,
the best thing a parent can try to give to their kids in confidence and if your kid is confident, comfortable in her own skin,,she can hold her head hi,,,,and refuse to allow others to define her,,,,someone deals you some shytty cards,,don't play them,,,push them off the table
I know its a tough age,,,but sometimes its the greater good,,,when they learn to cope with crap when young..
Bullies manipulate their victims into fearing the 'consequences' if they defend themselves. Without this tactic, they would not succeed. Teach your daughter to remove the fear of what might happen if she stands up for herself. She doesn't have to get emotional, they would get a rise out of that, but she needs to make it clear she doesn't care what they think or do. No oxygen=no flame.
Thanks so much for all your replies and advice. We've approached the guidance counselor at her school without mentioning names and she is going to speak to our daughter directly for more information. My daughter has blocked the four girls from her phone. Her wallpaper on her phone is a picture of the 5 of them together heading out to the 6th grade dance last June. All smiles and arms around each other. She's deleted the photo. She wants to stick with the play and soccer and luckily with both there are other girls she can interact with though they're not her good friends.
Spring break is in a few weeks and we are going on vacation - before this all transpired we actually considered taking a couple of the girls with us. Not.
Please keep us informed on whether or not there's a good outcome to your situation. I'm curious to see if how the schools handle "bullying" today is any different than when my kids were bullied years ago.
Please don't let the adult bullies posting here stop you from updating us on the situation. Compassion and empathy seem to be something that some people aren't capable of and it's turning our world into a mean place.
The poster that said your daughter needs to learn that there's mean people in life and she needs to learn coping skills is one thing. You daughter DOES NOT NEED TO LEARN TO ACCEPT EMOTIONAL ABUSE OR ABUSE IN ANY FORM!
I've continued my interest in bullying and have read that while some schools promote Anti-Bullying, some don't follow through.
I can tell you that any parent I ever called to inform them of wrongdoing (and I called maybe 8 parents between my 2 sons) and some of the things I called them for was wrongdoing on my kid and their kids part. The answers I got from parent were, My son's an altar boy and he wouldn't do anything like that. I asked my son and he said he didn't do it and I believe him. I KNOW my son wouldn't do anything like that.
Well, the one that asked her son and he said he didn't do it and she believed him, he ended up on Pittsburgh's Most Wanted List.
The one that said she KNEW her son, he's a drug dealer.
When I went to the principal about my son being jumped by the 7 kids, the principal threw out the "Columbine" incident to ME. 7 kids jump my son and the principal is defending the 7?
I was keeping in constant contact with his teacher and the teacher said to me one day, "Well Mrs. ...
I heard that you were mouthing off at the boyscout meeting last night about the bullying." I just shook and said to her, "You know that's pretty amazing considering my son isn't a boyscout, so how could I be at the meeting?" I turned and walked away and never spoke to her again.
My kids did get over it eventually and I think it made them more compassionate people who were willing to stick up for the "underdogs" later in school.
Parents need to realize that our kids lie to us. Our kids do things behind our backs that we wouldn't want them to do. They're kids and if they're not acting right, then the parents need to get out of the mindset that their kids are angels.
I'm sorry to have gone on about this, but it strikes a chord with me.
Your daughter is already moving in the right direction and I hope to God the school does something about it.
If the school does nothing, your daughter may have the "RIGHT" to contact an attorney free of charge because of her age because she does have the RIGHT to an education free from abuse.
I really would love to know of the outcome and I pray it is good. You can PM me if you don't want to get "bullied" from some of the adults here that don't have the ability to see the other side of the coin.
I hope your family gets released from this HELL you've been living with.
I know that I post a link to this documentary on every thread about bullying, but here it is again: About the Film - BULLY
I think it's still available on Netflix. If you think you know what it's like to be bullied, or that being bullied online or in person somehow is beneficial to the victim, please make a point of watching the movie.
My takeaway is that the combination of a passive child, passive parents and an incompetent school administration creates a miserable and sometimes deadly situation. Someone has to stand up the bully.
I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. It is absolutely awful, girls can be very mean. I think you have received a lot of sound advice already. I just want to give you the flip side as my daughter was accused of bullying a girl on social media.
I received a call from the principal telling me my daughter along with several other girls had posted a picture on Instagram supporting a friend. One of the girls in the picture (unbeknownst to my daughter) sent a message to a girl threatening her. Every girl in that picture was disciplined for what happened. (Note, my daughter did nothing but post a picture, it was perceived as bullying)
I talked to my daughter about what happened. (I monitor her Instagram and Facebook accounts). My daughter had absolutely no intention of bullying. She thought she was having fun with friends. The entire thing spiraled out of control, and was a good teaching moment for my daughter how social media can hurt.
My daughter went to the girl that was bullied and apologized. She let her know this was not the intention of the picture and she was very sorry the girl was hurt.
There may be parents out there that don't listen. However, there are parents, like me, that would like to have a call informing them of something that happened! It is impossible to navigate every movement a child makes, it takes a village.
If I were in your shoes, I would definitely call the parents and let them know what is going on. I would also remove my daughter from the situation and have her go out with new friends.
I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. It is absolutely awful, girls can be very mean. I think you have received a lot of sound advice already. I just want to give you the flip side as my daughter was accused of bullying a girl on social media.
I received a call from the principal telling me my daughter along with several other girls had posted a picture on Instagram supporting a friend. One of the girls in the picture (unbeknownst to my daughter) sent a message to a girl threatening her. Every girl in that picture was disciplined for what happened. (Note, my daughter did nothing but post a picture, it was perceived as bullying)
I talked to my daughter about what happened. (I monitor her Instagram and Facebook accounts). My daughter had absolutely no intention of bullying. She thought she was having fun with friends. The entire thing spiraled out of control, and was a good teaching moment for my daughter how social media can hurt.
My daughter went to the girl that was bullied and apologized. She let her know this was not the intention of the picture and she was very sorry the girl was hurt.
There may be parents out there that don't listen. However, there are parents, like me, that would like to have a call informing them of something that happened! It is impossible to navigate every movement a child makes, it takes a village.
If I were in your shoes, I would definitely call the parents and let them know what is going on. I would also remove my daughter from the situation and have her go out with new friends.
I applaud you as a parent. I feel bad that your daughter was brought into a bullying situation by another person and I'm sorry your daughter went through what she did. It's a shame that things got so out of hand.
You did what a good parent should do and you obviously have done a good job raising her and you deserve Kudos! The fact that your daughter went to the girl and apologized and let her know that her intent was of a friendly nature speaks volumes of you and your daughter. The world could use some more parents out there like you.
i truly do not understand people that post as though they think that when the bullying is over, the victim has learned something positive from the experience -- for example, that they have "toughened up" (or should have learned to do that).
Let me tell you from personal experience -- the scars from REPEATED bullying NEVER go away, and in trying to justify the bullying that either you, your child, or others have done, you are only deluding yourself -- and although you probably aren't, you should be ashamed!
i truly do not understand people that post as though they think that when the bullying is over, the victim has learned something positive from the experience -- for example, that they have "toughened up" (or should have learned to do that).
Let me tell you from personal experience -- the scars from REPEATED bullying NEVER go away, and in trying to justify the bullying that either you, your child, or others have done, you are only deluding yourself -- and although you probably aren't, you should be ashamed!
I second that motion!
The thick skinned people tell you to "suck it up" or "grow a backbone" or "just deal with it". They're ignorant to the fact that some of us weren't born with thick skins no do we have the ability to be mean and nasty people.
As a 58 y/o woman, I was bullied at work and I can only assume that she was also a bully in school. I quit that job 4 years ago and I still can't get over the cruelty of it.
I haven't read all the replies but I'd encourage you to call your child's school counselor. I'm so sorry, girls can be so mean and hateful at that age for very little reason at all. There is something in Maryland called Megan's Law. Long story short, a teenage girl in my area killed herself a few years ago as a direct result of cyber-bullying. So I don't know the whole story with the Law or how it is implemented but I do know that the schools HAVE to handle any cyber-bullying now; no matter if it occurs during school hours or not.
i truly do not understand people that post as though they think that when the bullying is over, the victim has learned something positive from the experience -- for example, that they have "toughened up" (or should have learned to do that).
Let me tell you from personal experience -- the scars from REPEATED bullying NEVER go away, and in trying to justify the bullying that either you, your child, or others have done, you are only deluding yourself -- and although you probably aren't, you should be ashamed!
Have to respectfully disagree. I was bullied in high school, but a particular student. He harassed me in class, on the bus home, and all around the school. My mom came to the school to complain, but was told there was nothing they could do about it.
So I endured. And toughened up. And realized that what one person did to me did NOT matter. I didn't care about them, so why would I care what they were doing? Guess I'm made of stronger stuff than most.
The scars from bullying remain ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.
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