Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She is 29 , this is none of your business and maybe why the problem exists in the first place . My husband has a daughter the same age . HE was married to her mom 16 years . We have been married 10 , The entire ten this woman seems to have no boundaries and acts like I am renting her ex husband . Finally we had to move away from her and the daughter to be able to stay married , the daughter refuses to visit Long distance) unless we also pay for her boyfriend at the moment so that wont work .. it's over with you two . Check yourself to stay out of ALL of their lives, It can really mess things up .
And it always comes back to somebody wanting more money...
What do you mean "more money"? She's his daughter. She's his heir. In fact, she has been his child longer than anyone. So if he leaves her nothing, he better be really careful about how he does it or she can get a lawyer and challenge the will.
If it were me, I'd be keeping a record of all the times I tried to contact him and was spurned. Just so he couldn't claim I was the one who abandoned him. If a parent ignores their moral duty to have a relationship with their child, the least they can do is leave them some money as inadequate compensation for what they should have done and failed to do. A divorce decree covers what a person owes or doesn't owe an ex-spouse. But a divorced parent still has ethical responsibilities toward their children, no matter what their ages. If the child spurns the parent, that's another story. But that's not what this OP says.
At her age, her problems are probably way more severe if she gets depressed over not seeing her Dad at the Father's Day weekend. And it seems to me you might be a controlling mother that could contribute to this.
What do you mean "more money"? She's his daughter. She's his heir. In fact, she has been his child longer than anyone. So if he leaves her nothing, he better be really careful about how he does it or she can get a lawyer and challenge the will.
If it were me, I'd be keeping a record of all the times I tried to contact him and was spurned. Just so he couldn't claim I was the one who abandoned him. If a parent ignores their moral duty to have a relationship with their child, the least they can do is leave them some money as inadequate compensation for what they should have done and failed to do. A divorce decree covers what a person owes or doesn't owe an ex-spouse. But a divorced parent still has ethical responsibilities toward their children, no matter what their ages. If the child spurns the parent, that's another story. But that's not what this OP says.
She is not his heir unless he makes her an heir by leaving her something in his will.
"heir
er/
noun
a person legally entitled to the property or rank of another on that person's death."
Just being the child of a person does not make them legally an heir.
Again a will is NOT the proper place to declare love or obligation. It is a legal instrument to dispose of property.
My father died when my brother was 31 and I was 27. I never expected one red dime from him and that is exactly what I got- Nada. Leaving his entire (and sizeable) estate to my mother was absolutely right. Even thought he was a probate judge he only left a holographic will and I was the only one who knew where it was. My self-centered and always-in-debt brother once told my mother he could have made big trouble for her if he had wanted to contest that holographic will. She kind of laughed it off at the time but she never forgave him or forgot. She was a 52 year old widow who hadn't worked outside the home in many years and he (brother) was a college graduate (law school drop out) who lived way beyond his means for his entire life. I think my father knew exactly what he was doing when he worded his will the way he did.
Ignore the long term future (even if you think about it) and focus on your daughter. Send him a heartfelt but cordial message that his daughter misses him (but won't admit it) and he should strongly consider spending some time with her as he could possibly do her some good. Perhaps suggest that he invite her to dinner.
End with thanks and hope you are doing well. Keep the message on point.
She is 29 , this is none of your business and maybe why the problem exists in the first place . My husband has a daughter the same age . HE was married to her mom 16 years . We have been married 10 , The entire ten this woman seems to have no boundaries and acts like I am renting her ex husband . Finally we had to move away from her and the daughter to be able to stay married , the daughter refuses to visit Long distance) unless we also pay for her boyfriend at the moment so that wont work .. it's over with you two . Check yourself to stay out of ALL of their lives, It can really mess things up .
The daughter. You can't even address her as "his daughter". It sounds like the two of you deserve each other.
She is not his heir unless he makes her an heir by leaving her something in his will.
"heir
er/
noun
a person legally entitled to the property or rank of another on that person's death."
Just being the child of a person does not make them legally an heir.
Again a will is NOT the proper place to declare love or obligation. It is a legal instrument to dispose of property.
My father died when my brother was 31 and I was 27. I never expected one red dime from him and that is exactly what I got- Nada. Leaving his entire (and sizeable) estate to my mother was absolutely right. Even thought he was a probate judge he only left a holographic will and I was the only one who knew where it was. My self-centered and always-in-debt brother once told my mother he could have made big trouble for her if he had wanted to contest that holographic will. She kind of laughed it off at the time but she never forgave him or forgot. She was a 52 year old widow who hadn't worked outside the home in many years and he (brother) was a college graduate (law school drop out) who lived way beyond his means for his entire life. I think my father knew exactly what he was doing when he worded his will the way he did.
I just wanted to state that under Maryland law (and in most states, I suspect) a child is an heir unless the parent prepares a will that states otherwise. And even then, the child, an an "interested party", has the right to contest a will. (Which is why parents are advised to acknowledge the child's existence in the will.) It is kind of old fashioned, but the law still encourages passing ones wealth through the bloodline.
Years ago I taught Estates and Trusts (and other legal stuff) to paralegal students. I had several students who were second wives that freaked out when they learned that without a will that stated otherwise, their husbands' child(ren) would inherit approximately 1/2 of their husband's estate. The stepchildren, of course, were entitled to nothing.
As for your brother, well, he sounds like another "misguided" man.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,825,032 times
Reputation: 10348
Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchessCottonPuff
She is 29 , this is none of your business and maybe why the problem exists in the first place . My husband has a daughter the same age . HE was married to her mom 16 years . We have been married 10 , The entire ten this woman seems to have no boundaries and acts like I am renting her ex husband . Finally we had to move away from her and the daughter to be able to stay married , the daughter refuses to visit Long distance) unless we also pay for her boyfriend at the moment so that wont work .. it's over with you two . Check yourself to stay out of ALL of their lives, It can really mess things up .
Your last line is RIGHT ON in referring to a second wife who comes in to the picture and MESSES THINGS UP... Before she came along..my dad was my DAD...THEN when he had a reason to call my house, which I think was under ten times in 20 years or more, he'd leave a message on my answering máchine sounding like she was standing over him with a meat cleaver( since she was never more than a foot away when he made a call and you could hear her even correcting him if he said something wrong on the message)...and said..."""ahhh Linda? THIS IS BILL""". NOT DAD OR YOUR FATHER... HIS FIRST NAME... What a joke.....
Is there anything I can, or should, do at this point? I've been tempted to call/text him and say what needs to be said, in hopes he'll open his eyes and see how this is negatively impacting our daughter.
What do you all think, and have any of you dealt with this before?
I think you should call your ex. My wife's parents had a stormy divorce but at critical moments they have talked. Despite severe animosity between the ex-husband and the new husband.
Why are men allowed to do this and it's acceptable?
Many of these situations wouldn't happen if shared(50/50) custody was the norm instead of the full time mother/occasional visitor father model that has been the standard in our society for so many years. To keep him invested he has to be allowed to stay involved.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
