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2. Doggy is not well trained at all. We have her litter trained, but she still disobeys sometimes. She has almost no obedience training. She does behave much better for me, but DH and DD let her do whatever she wants.
3. Dog is a chiweenie; half chihuahua and half dachshund.
4. I don't know what DH gets from the dog that he doesn't get from us. I suppose it might be a link to his childhood? He had small dogs when he was a kid. I also suspect he may have got the dog in an attempt to derail our plans to move back to the US. Immediately after he got it he started telling DD that we'll have to give up the dog if we move. That made me mad!
5. The decision to get a dog was DH's. I didn't think it was a good idea, because we were making plans to move overseas; and I had too much on my plate already. I told him not to show a picture of the dog to DD until we had time to think about it, but he did, so she helped him plead for the dog. Then he told me the breeder would probably kill her if we didn't take her, and I didn't want to be responsible for that. (But when I offered to help find homes for the other puppies, he said no, so maybe his story of killing the puppies was a lie?)
6. Daughter is 7, going into 2nd grade.
7. Yes, she is an only child.
8. Yes, DH has had dogs before. He had 2 growing up, one they had to give away when they moved, and one they kept until old age. His parents also have one now, that is very old.
9. DH works a lot, but he did spend a lot of his free time playing with DD before we got the dog. He spends less time with her now, because much of his play time is spent playing with the dog instead of DD.
Some of the comments in here about pecking order and dogs becoming aggressive to kids make sense. Our dog is always humping DD's legs, and a couple relatives said that is a dog's way of establishing authority over a person.
Also, I suppose the dog is pretty aggressive to DD. She's always digging her fangs into DD's clothing and hair, and pulling on her clothes and hair. DD's clothing are getting filled with holes from it.
Plus the dog often growls at DD, either when they're playing, or even if the dog is playing with DD's hair while she reads. I don't like it. I interpret growling as anger or intimidation, and don't like to hear it directed at my daughter.
DH interprets it to mean that DD must be doing something to hurt the dog. DH gets mad at DD when he hears the growling, because he assumes that DD is being mean to the dog. But I've seen them play, and that's not why she growls. She does it when she's ripping at DD's hair and clothing, and she starts pulling and whipping her head side to side while she does it, like she's in battle with her or something. DD thinks it's funny, but then DH yells at her to be nice to the dog, when she wasn't doing anything. THe dog doesn't growl at us adults. (I have seen her growl at DD's friends though, and at other dogs.)
HOLY CRAP!
This needs to be fixed - yesterday. You have an obligation to protect your daughter, and make no mistake, emotional damage is being done here. Frankly, the potential for physical damage is very real. Either your husband's attitude and behavior needs to radically change or the dog needs to go or the dog and husband need to go.
And, yes, your husband does sound highly manipulative. What your husband gets from the dog that he is not getting from you or your daughter is blind worship. The issue here is not really the dog, it's your husband.
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My blood is boiling reading this. It's not because of the DD and DH acronyms, and I hate acronyms besides ones like FBI or NASA etc (just spell the danged word out already, I say) , it's instead due to the outrageous situation of anyone putting a dog (or cat etc) anywhere near the importance level of ANY human beings in the house. You NEVER do that. Humans ALWAYS come before pets, absolutely no exceptions and no excuses. Ever.
I actually consider this enough reason for a parent to lose any and all parental rights over, and I'm someone who is HUGE with respect to parental authority, but I do grant exceptions, and this is certainly one of those.
To be blunt, your husband is a first class jerk and is guilty of child abuse, and that's a term I do NOT use lightly. If this were me and I had somewhere to go, I'd take my child and move out and file for divorce and sole custody. He'd come home from work with a note saying "I hope you and your stupid dog enjoy your life together."
I'd even seek to have his parental rights terminated, to the absolute top degree possible, as in he doesn't even receive any cards or have any contact even during her birthday or Christmas. This is something I wouldn't play around with. This is something I'd make absolutely NO tolerance for, not even 0.001%. Zero.
My blood is boiling reading this. It's not because of the DD and DH acronyms, and I hate acronyms besides ones like FBI or NASA etc (just spell the danged word out already, I say) , it's instead due to the outrageous situation of anyone putting a dog (or cat etc) anywhere near the importance level of ANY human beings in the house. You NEVER do that. Humans ALWAYS come before pets, absolutely no exceptions and no excuses. Ever.
I actually consider this enough reason for a parent to lose any and all parental rights over, and I'm someone who is HUGE with respect to parental authority, but I do grant exceptions, and this is certainly one of those.
To be blunt, your husband is a first class jerk and is guilty of child abuse, and that's a term I do NOT use lightly. If this were me and I had somewhere to go, I'd take my child and move out and file for divorce and sole custody. He'd come home from work with a note saying "I hope you and your stupid dog enjoy your life together."
I'd even seek to have his parental rights terminated, to the absolute top degree possible, as in he doesn't even receive any cards or have any contact even during her birthday or Christmas. This is something I wouldn't play around with. This is something I'd make absolutely NO tolerance for, not even 0.001%. Zero.
True, I would do the same. But I think the OP really is not realizing how serious situation is. And she clearly does not know anything about the dogs. Maybe there are some other underlining issues. First person needs to be aware how serious this is. I think OP is desperate for somebody to say that behavior is Ok. There are a lot of crazy people e out there thinking dogs Are more important. So far nobody is giving her that and that is good. Hopefully she will realize this is bad. Sadly this is one of those cases when it might be more likely neighbor will report it to CPS. They do not live in the U.S. So maybe OP has nowhere to go. All I can say is poor child is abused. Hope she ends OK. If a dog did that to my child I would demand that dog be put down immediately. I remember dog abused me when I was 9 or 10. It was a stray nobody picked up. My grandfather actually killed the dog. Nothing is more important then children.
True, I would do the same. But I think the OP really is not realizing how serious situation is. And she clearly does not know anything about the dogs. Maybe there are some other underlining issues. First person needs to be aware how serious this is. I think OP is desperate for somebody to say that behavior is Ok. There are a lot of crazy people e out there thinking dogs Are more important. So far nobody is giving her that and that is good. Hopefully she will realize this is bad. Sadly this is one of those cases when it might be more likely neighbor will report it to CPS. They do not live in the U.S. So maybe OP has nowhere to go. All I can say is poor child is abused. Hope she ends OK. If a dog did that to my child I would demand that dog be put down immediately. I remember dog abused me when I was 9 or 10. It was a stray nobody picked up. My grandfather actually killed the dog. Nothing is more important then children.
The dog hasn't done anything yet...but it's coming. If they would get some training for both the dog and the husband no one would have to die.
PS: How does a dog abuse you? It may have attacked and bite you....bit it could not have abused ypu as that takes forethought and dogs respond with instinct.
Based on just the few instances you've posted about things your husband did when getting the dog, it's very clear that he is an extremely manipulative and narcissistic person....and a liar to boot. ("the breeder would probably kill her if we didn't take her" ??? Seriously???? The fact that you fell for this seems to indicate that you are pretty naive. How could you not realize that a dog breeder makes puppies in order to sell them, and if you hadn't bought the dog, he would have sold it to someone else!!)
I would seriously consider leaving this idiot in order to protect DD. Poor little girl, hearing such ridiculous and hurtful and demeaning statements from her father at such a young age! At the very least, insist on counseling (or else!). He's messed up.
Last edited by Luvvarkansas; 07-01-2015 at 11:29 PM..
Just from the little I've read in this thread, there are some very serious issues in your home.
It is not normal for a parent to put a dog above a child (or any other human). We love our fur kids. Seriously. They mean the world to us -- but they are not and never would be on equal ground as each other or the children.
I would advise running, not walking, to a therapist. You need some solid advice on how to manage this issue and I'm not sure the online environment is going to be able to help you as much as you need.
I discussed this with DH. He promised to put DD above the dog, and never make another comment about them being equals again. I also told him what another poster said about the growling and ripping at her clothes being a bad sign.
I've started wondering if his mother also taught her kids that her dogs were equal to them? Maybe that's where he got that idea from? People often treat their kids the way they were treated, and I've noticed that his mother really does spoil dogs (her dog and ours). He loves his parents, but his older brother doesn't seem to, and he doesn't seem very fond of dogs either.
In any event, I told him that our daughter must have priority, and told him all the reasons given here.
I also told him that if he's going to baby the dog, he needs to baby his daughter too. It's not fair to her that he went cold turkey on the baby talk and cuddling as soon as he got a dog, and gave that all to the dog instead. It just makes her jealous.
He seemed to understand, and said he'll try to do better.
I think we definitely should find our little doggy a new home before we move. I think I could probably convince mom's boyfriend to let us bring the dog to the new house, but I don't think I will. It hasn't been very good for our family, and DH might start spoiling it again.
I have a friend who offered to take it in if we couldn't bring it to the US, and it sounded like she was hoping that we would give it to her. I think she would give it a great home, because she seems to know a lot more about dogs than I do. (I think she also knows how to obedience train it. She does a great job with her kids!) I might ask her. But I think DD and DH would rather that it went to live with somebody we will continue to see often, like his parents, so they can still visit it. He said their condo won't let people get any more dogs, but nobody was supposed to get them in the first place. Our dog never barks, so she wouldn't be a nuisance to neighbors.
I don't know if the breeder really would have killed the dog, or was just saying that so I'd agree to take it. But it didn't surprise my friend who was interested in taking her off our hands. She said a lot of breeders in Japan do that when they have pups they can't sell. She said they gas them.
We didn't actually buy this one (as far as I know). DH said his best friend knows a breeder, that overestimated the demand for chiweenie pups, and said we could have one if we want one. So we didn't actually pay for it, as far as I know. However, when I offered to find homes for the other pups, DH said no, because they will only give them to people they know and trust. That seemed strange. Why be fussy about who you're giving it to if the alternative is killing it? I sometimes wonder if maybe DH did pay for it, but led me to believe otherwise.
A "chiweenie"? From a breeder? Tell your husband he was taken. "chiweenies" are a dime a dozen at the local pound/shelter/humane society. He bought a mutt, and I guarantee you, he paid for it.
She wanted to sit on his lap. He wouldn't let her sit on his lap because he didn't want to make our little dog jealous. He's said that a few times that the dog gets jealous when she sits on his lap. But today he actually told her not to, because he doesn't want to make doggy jealous.
That reminds me of a funny story. My (now) wife and I met during January 1990. That April (before we were engaged) I got a call from the building doorman that my girlfriend was on her way up and she had a "friend" with her. I asked him to slow them down so I could be properly dressed. I was in my PJ's.
She came up, walking her father's yellow-lab mix. After the dog sniffed me and I petted her and she licked my hand, by girlfriend (now wife) went to hug me. The dog started barking her head off. I thought that was hilarious.
At the time I was not aware of how generally ferocious yellow Labrador Retrievers are.
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