Quote:
Originally Posted by conlainhothuong
This may make me sound jealous, but let me clarify "jealousy" is not what I feel. I just feel guilty when I am not able to provide the same for my kid(s). Especially with my second child.
My SIL lives overseas and had her first 20 days after I had my second, so they were born around the same month. Ever since, I have felt like a really bad mom towards my second since there have been a lot of comparisons going on, and it doesnt really help that making comparisons between kids is a cultural habit. Such as who can raise the "biggest sumo wrestler" (meaning fat, chubby babies).
Unfortunately, my kids take after their dad so both are tiny for their age. When SIL posts pics of her kid and bragging how proud she is that he is in the 50th percentile, I feel bad for my own kids because they dont "make the cut" and I blame myself for doing something wrong such as "do i not feed them enough? What am I doing wrong?"
Being busy with 2 small kids, I had a horrible time breastfeeding my second exclusively. When my second was newborn, my son was a demanding toddler who constantly wanted mommy's attention "mommy I'm hungry, mommy I want a nap, I'm thirsty". All of these demands cut my breastfeeding time short. I breastfed at night and pumped during the day instead until my supply dried up at 10 months pp. When I realized that I could no longer breastfeed (and I was mixing formula ever since he was 2 months old), it was the saddest moment for me, and here was my SIL, posting pictures of her "mega stash" of bm, and saying "I am so proud to give my baby the best thign in the world...human milk"
Then their birthdays rolled around. I was planning to take my kid to get his 1 year professional photo shoot, but never found the time since my husband is always working. In the end, my husband said its past his birthday anyways so we'll skip the photo shoot.
My SIL had the same idea as me, because a few weeks later, she uploaded his professional photo shoot, and I felt so bad for not being able to professionally capture my child's memory. It would have been so nice to get pictures of him for this special occasion so he can look at it when he's older.
I just feel like I provided for my firstborn much better than my second and always having this guilt that I am not doign enough for him.
Is there anything I can do to stop myself from feeling this way?
In reality, i know we give him a lot as an "individual". He gets his own clothes vs. wearing his brother's hand me downs (I know this is not a problem, but they were born in different seasons), he gets his own toys, his own swing...basically he is well provided for and not just the "second" child. I make sure that he has some of his own stuff vs. getting everything passed down from his older brother.
I am just upset that I didnt get to breastfeed as long as I have hoped, and just the small things that I didnt get to do for him...not just from my SIL, but when I see other friends who are still going strong with breastfeeding or giving their kids a professional photo shoot (something that I really wanted), I get sad.
EDIT: 20 minutes later, I dont even care anymore or even bothered about the things I wrote...I get over things way too fast, but feel free to comment so I can read the advises and keep them for next time I have one of those moments. Cheers!
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Honestly, nothing on this list would make me feel bad - not even 1%. In fact, I don't even understand why you would even feel guilty for any of these things. Even further, I think it's odd that you don't think your SIL is a nutball for bragging about the things that she does on FB. Seriously, who the heck brags about how much breast milk they pump? Are people replying back, "good job SIL - your nipples are working hard!"
And I have never seen a parent brag about their kid being in the 50%ile about anything. That's just strange. Usually they say "Little Johnny is 90%ile in height and weight!!!" I do have an FB friend who posts annoying crap about her kids in a "I'm not bragging about my kid but I really am" kind of way. But I find it funny. It's too bad she (like your SIL) doesn't know that people (who aren't her kids' grandparents) don't give a crap.
As for the breastfeeding thing, you need to let this go. And there are 2 reasons (1) benefits of breast milk ever formula are minimal at best and (2) do you plan to feed ONLY healthy organic, nonprocessed, non-GMO, gluten-free, antibiotic free milk, cage-free eggs, etc to your kids their entire lives? Thought not. The crazy "breast feeding" fascists have literally somehow brainwashed some women into thinking formula=posion. If you want to feel better about not going the entire year, then read this article.
The Case Against Breast-Feeding - The Atlantic
As for the pictures, I am sure that you took some with your camera. IMO, the candid shots of my kids are always my favorite - they capture the moment and the child's personality!
Just love your kids and be thankful that they are healthy and thriving!
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