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My daughter was a dream child, so well behaved, until she was about 13. Then she became an arrogant, obnoxious jerk most of the time. I kept a lid on the major things. She gets excellent grades, has nice friends, no signs of drugs or drinking, and is beloved to other adults, who think she is beyond wonderful. She saves all of her abuse for me.
Now she is 18. and thinks it a total free-for-all in making Mom miserable. After work, I'd rather be anywhere but home. She knows everything there ever was to know, will argue for hours, and is if you try to escape, she will follow you from room to room and just won't quit. Her bedroom is an absolute pigsty and she refuses to clean it. She insults and berates me constantly. She does not lift a finger around the house, and refuses to get any kind of part time job. She is in her last semester of high school. Though she is 18, and a legal adult (as she reminds me regularly), I can't toss her out no matter what she does, under MA laws, which keep these kids babies for far too long. These brats can live on their own, go to college in basket weaving. and collect child support from both parents up to age 23! Yes, 23.
She does not think she has to do anything that I say. She refuses and says "you can't do anything to me". What exactly can I do? I can't take away her personal possessions as she is a legal adult (again MA law, thank you so much). I can't toss her out. She has me over a barrel and she knows it. She claims she is joining the military in July. I sure hope so. Do I just never come home until July?
Ideas?
Oh dear I do feel for you
I am a constant disappointment to my own daughter which began when she was about 14 (like someone had flipped a switch) and is ongoing to this day - she's 23. She too was a Dream Child - I still remember the Day of the Change - I was folding washing and she suddenly started screeching at me like a banshee - I was so surprised
My therapist tells me this is the year she will flip again.
Their brains are literally growing until 23-24 for girls, 27 for boys.
What you do in the meantime is Cope. You are literally dealing with a person who could be considered Legally Insane.
I sent my daughter to her dads because I'd just had enough - a decision I regret most heartily to this day. But I would probably make it again because I felt that it was His Turn to Deal with Her.
I was a single mom too and honestly, they can only Argue for Hours if you argue back. Its a pointless waste of energy and an indicator you perhaps are fuelling her fire to some point.
All I can suggest is holding on until the Aliens bring your daughter back. And organizing her somewhere else to live more independently if you can possibly afford it.
But I sense you are hanging on to her, which may be part of Her Problem. My daughter resents me because I let her go too early, yours may resent you because you cant let her go at all.
Just a thought not a criticism. Theres no guide book for these Pubescent Sybills.
A good part of the problem has been her guidance counselor, who has filled her head with an "us vs them" mentality, and told my daughter (and other kids) how she has all of these legal rights against her parents.
Congratulations! That was a REAL good job of shifting the blame to someone else. My question was.... what did you do to lose her respect? Something happened.....unless she never respected you to begin with. In which case she would never have been a "dream child".
I highly doubt your daughter lost respect for you because the guidance counselor told her what legal rights were.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-20-2016 at 03:04 PM..
I've never heard of any parent paying support directly to a child at all. The support is from the non custodial parent to the parent to provide a living space, food, and clothing for the child.
The only money changing hands would be from dad to the OP in this case. The money would be hers, not the childs.
BTW, that child who sued her parents for child support was denied by a judge
Yes, but in that particular case, the child was still in high school. My neighbor found himself on the hook to support his son through his college years at a private college in NJ. The judge refused to drop the support requirement as long as the kid attended school. It wasn't until he had been attending for 6 years, managing to avoid whatever class he needed to claim his degree, the the court finally let my neighbor off the hook and told the kid to grow up.
Yes, but in that particular case, the child was still in high school. My neighbor found himself on the hook to support his son through his college years at a private college in NJ. The judge refused to drop the support requirement as long as the kid attended school. It wasn't until he had been attending for 6 years, managing to avoid whatever class he needed to claim his degree, the the court finally let my neighbor off the hook and told the kid to grow up.
As the other posted suggested, you seem to have comprehension issues.
Child support never goes directly to the child. It goes to the custodial parent.
I am a constant disappointment to my own daughter which began when she was about 14 (like someone had flipped a switch) and is ongoing to this day - she's 23. She too was a Dream Child - I still remember the Day of the Change - I was folding washing and she suddenly started screeching at me like a banshee - I was so surprised
My therapist tells me this is the year she will flip again.
Kids don't just flip and become terrors. There are always reasons.
As the other posted suggested, you seem to have comprehension issues.
Child support never goes directly to the child. It goes to the custodial parent.
Does it really matter? The money must be sent, regardless of the name it's addressed to. I don't know what the panty bunching is about. If there isn't a court order of support for the child, then the money issue is moot.
What is almost always the common denominator with threads about acting out kids who have almost total control of the situation in a household?
It is one or both parents who refuse to see their own role in the situation.
Also, in most of these threads there is some kind of legal obstacle in the posters' minds that prevents them from taking strong action.
Makes me wonder.
I agree though I would by no mean assign fault to the mother solely. This clearly coincided with the parents divorce, and the child likely has not emotional matured since that point.
I also think people cannot change anyone else's behavior without changing theirs. I think the OP needs to own whatever piece of this she is responsible for because it is certainly not just the teens fault, nor just her father's fault. Everyone gets a piece of the responsibility pie. And until you accept responsibility for your behavior it is impossible to change it.
Kids don't just flip and become terrors. There are always reasons.
With the rare exception to mental illnesses. But this does not seem to be the case for the OP whose daughters acting out started around the time of the parents divorce. It is somewhat "classic" behavior.
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