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I don't want to beat up on you. Clearly you have made some bad decisions and they are coming back to bite you, big time. You are already feeling the pain. Just try to learn from them.
Did you have your daughter young? It sounds like you two might have a bit more of a peer relationship then parent child. If its the case, once you get home, some counseling on how to navigate from here could really help. A lot of parents have ended up in that situation, and there is help to get back some control without alienating your child.
As for getting her back home...I do agree, apologize whole heartedly for uprooting her and making this poor decision. Just own it. Let her know this isn't a safe place for EITHER of you and you need to get you both out of there. Let her know that you will do everything in your power to keep her in one spot (back home) until she graduates. And be honest about that. Teens really need to stay put for their HS years if at all possible. Make an appointment with your local domestic violence advocacy agency and bring her along. Hopefully they will have someone who can help her talk about her feelings with all this, but also help her understand how badly you both need to escape this situation.
If you haven't, you are going to need a safe exit plan. The local DV agency can help you create one.
You don't have to write men out entirely for the next 18 years (since you will be raising another one). But I urge you to get some counseling for self esteem issues and impulsiveness. And, please, please, please keep your dating life separate from your home life. They do not need a new daddy. If you happen to meet Mr. Right after getting some therapy, and you guys are together a long time (years)...cross that bridge then. You don't have to be a nun as a single mom, but you have to keep a clear line between your children and your love life. You also must keep their mom healthy (birth control, condoms, therapy, staying out of abusive relationships). That is your priority.
I am left wondering why your daughter would want to stay living with 2 male strangers. Is it just because she gets to see her dad more? If that is the case, work something out with dad that he can come up and visit more often. But my fear (and hopefully I am way wrong) is one of the men is grooming your daughter by giving her lots of craved for attention or gifts, etc. It isn't too far fetched. Men who are sexually attracted kids target women just like you. I would be paying very close attention to the relationship between your boyfriend and your daughter (or the other man in the house).
Best of luck to you! Let us know how things progress.
Life reality. Tell your daughter if you stay you could end up homeless and in five years
she can move back. Make an adult decision. The daughter is thinking like a 13 year-old.
Think food and shelter.
A 13 year-old May not see the big picture. Do what you have to do... Especially if there's no one but you to depend on.
If you've only been there 6 weeks, how are you 4 months pregnant?
I met him online seven and a half months ago. He first came out to visit me. Ended up living there but couldn't hold down a job and we fought so I asked him to leave. That's when I got pregnant.
I actually have a third child who is in between ages. Her father is the man I was living with for five years back home. My 13 year old likes him a lot. He is really good with her. He talks to her, helps her with her homework and does what you would want a step parent to do. She told him to not let me leave. I should have listened. He didn't want me to leave either. We never fought. I'm not saying everything was perfect but I think sometimes you don't realize what you have until it is gone. I broke his heart pretty bad when he found my online affair. I am truly sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused. I want to fix it but I don't know how.
What do you think I could do to win the middle child's father back? He loves and misses his daughter but he is pretty sad and angry with what I did. Do you think there is ever a way I could get back with him? If so, what should I do?
If you've only been there 6 weeks, how are you 4 months pregnant?
That one had me puzzled too. I assume she got pregnant when the internet guy visited her the first time.
OP you are dealing with a 13 year old and have six more years of teenage hormones and woes. If you are uprooting your teenager from school, family and friends this is very traumatic to a teen. Take her home, wherever that may be and let her settle back in with relatives and her friends. Have had dad have a talk with her explaining she cannot live with him but she is welcome to visit him (like it was before your moment of insanity.)
The troubling part of your dilemma to me is a woman not caring enough about herself or her daughter to use birth control. In addition a woman, assuming you must be close to 30 years old, that would snatch their child up to follow an internet romance. Do not take offense to this statement I see so many children/teens with their mother and mom's boyfriend becomes stepdad or stepboyfriend/pretend uncles that are abused and even murdered after their mother moved in with their "boyfriend" and exposing the child/teen to the relationship.
You are fortunate your internet boyfriend wasn't a child predator finding out you had a young teenage daughter and pursuing you to get to her. Yes this happens. Sit your daughter down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Admit you screwed up and you will not subject her to this ever again (if you mean it.) If you have parents or other relatives back home have them talk with her too. Just take her home as the living conditions at her dad's home is not good for her.
I hope this works out for you and your daughter.
Just read your post, you have how many children?? The 13 year old daughter's dad is wherever you relocated and you have another child with you too that belongs to another man back home? So you are pregnant with child number 3 or is this child number 4?
I met him online seven and a half months ago. He first came out to visit me. Ended up living there but couldn't hold down a job and we fought so I asked him to leave. That's when I got pregnant.
I actually have a third child who is in between ages. Her father is the man I was living with for five years back home. My 13 year old likes him a lot. He is really good with her. He talks to her, helps her with her homework and does what you would want a step parent to do. She told him to not let me leave. I should have listened. He didn't want me to leave either. We never fought. I'm not saying everything was perfect but I think sometimes you don't realize what you have until it is gone. I broke his heart pretty bad when he found my online affair. I am truly sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused. I want to fix it but I don't know how.
What do you think I could do to win the middle child's father back? He loves and misses his daughter but he is pretty sad and angry with what I did. Do you think there is ever a way I could get back with him? If so, what should I do?
I don't mean to be harsh, but grow up. Stop worrying about getting back together with the man you screwed over. Your life is on the brink of falling completely apart and you need to concentrate on getting it put back together. By all means apologize to him, but then leave it alone. If I were him I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
Get back to where you came from, go back to work and stop worrying about your romantic life. You have 3 children plus a baby on the way and you've shown a tremendous lack of judgment. Right now concentrate on your children.
I met him online seven and a half months ago. He first came out to visit me. Ended up living there but couldn't hold down a job and we fought so I asked him to leave. That's when I got pregnant.
I actually have a third child who is in between ages. Her father is the man I was living with for five years back home. My 13 year old likes him a lot. He is really good with her. He talks to her, helps her with her homework and does what you would want a step parent to do. She told him to not let me leave. I should have listened. He didn't want me to leave either. We never fought. I'm not saying everything was perfect but I think sometimes you don't realize what you have until it is gone. I broke his heart pretty bad when he found my online affair. I am truly sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused. I want to fix it but I don't know how.
What do you think I could do to win the middle child's father back? He loves and misses his daughter but he is pretty sad and angry with what I did. Do you think there is ever a way I could get back with him? If so, what should I do?
Where does your second child live?
Is the apartment you're planning to move back to your apartment or is it an apartment you shared with your ex?
You can't fix anything right now and I wouldn't even keep hoping for it. The harsh truth is you cheated on him, chose the other guy over him and got pregnant by the new guy. When he sees you pregnant or once the baby is born, that child will for your ex be a permanent reminder of your infidelity. I wouldn't put any hope in him coming back or sticking around.
I met him online seven and a half months ago. He first came out to visit me. Ended up living there but couldn't hold down a job and we fought so I asked him to leave. That's when I got pregnant.
I actually have a third child who is in between ages. Her father is the man I was living with for five years back home. My 13 year old likes him a lot. He is really good with her. He talks to her, helps her with her homework and does what you would want a step parent to do. She told him to not let me leave. I should have listened. He didn't want me to leave either. We never fought. I'm not saying everything was perfect but I think sometimes you don't realize what you have until it is gone. I broke his heart pretty bad when he found my online affair. I am truly sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused. I want to fix it but I don't know how.
What do you think I could do to win the middle child's father back? He loves and misses his daughter but he is pretty sad and angry with what I did. Do you think there is ever a way I could get back with him? If so, what should I do?
Wow, you are such a hot mess! You need to stop thinking about yourself and think of your children!!!! NOW!! You keep this nonsense up and you will lose them.
Why would he give you a second chance? I hope he's not that stupid. Sounds like you cheated on him. Of course he's angry! You took his daughter away from him! I don't know how you didn't see what he gave your children....other than you seem to be incredibly selfish. You are extremely lucky that he didn't take you to court for taking his child away.
Why are you worried about landing a man? You have so many issues going on. You need to take care of yourself and your children. No man is going to do that for you.
Honestly, your behavior sounds like a teenager. You're the adult! ACT LIKE IT! The 13 year old sounds more mature than you. I can really see why she doesn't want to live with you. You keep taking people out of her life....sounds like they were good to her. She's probably devastated by all these changes. The only thing that may help her is time. And I would suggest getting yourself to a therapist. Your behavior is not normal for an adult and certainly not one with 2 children and another on the way. Stop having kids!
I don't mean to be harsh, but grow up. Stop worrying about getting back together with the man you screwed over. Your life is on the brink of falling completely apart and you need to concentrate on getting it put back together. By all means apologize to him, but then leave it alone. If I were him I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
Get back to where you came from, go back to work and stop worrying about your romantic life. You have 3 children plus a baby on the way and you've shown a tremendous lack of judgment. Right now concentrate on your children.
This. And honestly, I'm having a hard time believing an adult can make so many awful choices. I also wonder how an adult with such terrible judgement has a job and apartment she can return to, that presumably will enable her to support three children. I'm not buying it.
The job is true. The apartment is the second child's fathers. The same one we lived in together. He missed his daughter. I'm not trying to be selfish. But it I her dad and not just I want a new boyfriend. He was good to us. Yes. I met the Facebook guy while living with him. While we were still together. So I fell in "love" and told the previous boyfriend he had to leave(it was in both our names) so the new guy could come out. Then after living with the new guy and seeing he wasn't who he pretended to be I asked my previous boyfriend to come back. And he did. But then I got stressed out because I was pregnant and left. It's not a good story. I'm sorry. I will fix it.
I'll probably just stop here. I do appreciate the advice. But I think I've come across as such a despicable person that I'm not going to get any more advice and that's ok. I know I made my bed. Thanks for the help. I know what I need to do.
Think about the example you are setting for your kids. Move back. Take a break from dating. A long break.
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