Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As of now, my son will sometimes stick up for me and tell him to be nice to me. He loves me and hopefully always respects woman.
This ^^ is bad. Seriously. It seems cute, but this is not a 6-year-old's job.
I don't know how much more clearly we can state it. You need to kick this guy out.
Right now you think the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know because he has abused you to the point that you think you require his existence in order to survive yourself.
You don't.
You know how much you miss and need your dad? Your kids need YOU to be an advocate for them. They need a mom who is strong enough to show them how to live a healthy life.
You're already supporting all of you!! You can do this. Why should he tear you down when you're the one keeping it all going????
Get a job. Get out. You say you will have nothing but your kids, but you'll have the rest of your world open up if you get out from under him. He is isolating you and keeping you down.
It does suck b/c when we fight I will say I want him to go but then If he goes out door and starts to leave I will say for him not to. Also he will say he is breaking up and leaving but then doesn't its really confusing. No I don't want my kids to ever deal w/ what I do. As of now, my son will sometimes stick up for me and tell him to be nice to me. He loves me and hopefully always respects woman.
goochgirl, you may think that your son will "always respect women" but as a teacher I have seen it happen again and again where the children learn from the what they see when they are growing up. I was a teacher in the same school district long enough to even teach the children of some of my previous students. And the old expression "the apple does not fall far from the tree" is quite true. I have seen abusive and dysfunctional families continue to be abusive and dysfunctional in the next generation.
goochgirl, your children are like little sponges, they are always watching and learning how grow-ups interact. And right now they are seeing & living in a home where the woman (YOU) is clearly being controlled, taken advantage of and being frequently verbally abused.
Please, please reread my comments. Please, please reread the comments of other posters. You need to seek help for yourself and for your children to end the cycle of abuse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Sweetie, your abusive BF has kept you away from girlfriends, friends and co-workers for so long that you do not realize that loving men usually can go many years if not decades or an entire lifetime without calling their GF or wife a *****.
Please get help. Get counseling and gain the strength & financial ability to leave him.
Day after day your daughter is hearing this and learning from you that it is OK for a woman to be abused and just stay in the relationship.
Your daughter will be dating in less than ten years. How would you advise her if she told you with pride that her new boy friend managed to go almost a whole 24 hours without calling her a *****?
Day after day your son is hearing this and watching this and learning that some men treat women like crap and that it is OK to be abusive because you are the man.
Your son will also be dating in about ten years. How are you going to feel when you see him treat his GFs in the same manner?
BTW, On numerous occasions I have seen male students have serious problems in school because they treat female teachers in the same way that they see their mom's BF treat them. I had a former preschool student who called all the women at the school "Stupid, F***ing B****!" He truly felt that was an appropriate thing to do because that is what he heard the adult males in his life call his mother and her sister from the day he was born.
At age three he even called our female principal "Stupid, F***ing B****!" plus a few other phrases that he had learned from the adult males in his life. If the child would not have been a special education student he would have been suspended each and every time that called a teacher, therapist or the principal a nasty name.
It took months just to get him to stop using obscenities and bad names in the classroom and even longer for him to start treating his female teachers and therapists with any respect at all. He loved his father and looked up to him. He frequently told us things like "Daddy says ALL women are worthless c*****!" and "Daddy says ALL women cheat and lie!"
Goochgirl, your children have been hearing these things for years. Especially now that their grandfather is not around to provide a good male role model they will grow up thinking that what your BF does and says is normal behavior between couples. And, IMHO, it certainly is not normal behavior.
Okay first I wanted to reply to the one person who posted that they hope someone isn't one here just goofing off and that this post is on the up and up. Yes it is true the things I post. It is my only means of talking about things that I need to vent about that I would of normally talked to my dad about before he died. Also I wanted to say that I do not think an engagement ring will fix everything. We have been together for a little over 8 years. It wasn't always this bad. In the beg. He was really good to me probably all up until last 4 years but I am just so tired of it. He tells me almost every day that he is going to leave me. I tell him to go a head that I want that but then the next day nothing will happen. We will talk about things we want to change almost at some point every night or w/e and sometimes it turns into a fight b/c eventually during our talks one of us will say or blame the other for something and it is usually supposedly all my fault for every problem we have. Anyways we fight a lot about money b/c I have always paid most of the bills most of our relationship and he gets mad if I bring that up. He works in spring and summer mos at my grandpas golf course.
When my dad was alive he helped us a lot financially and now that he has passed he left me a bit of money not a ton but enough to get buy for now. I don't try to make him feel bad about it but I always say that he should help out more and maybe get another or diff job.
He does help us w/ his money it just isn't much. I don't mind paying for stuff though if he loves me like I love him. I just don't want to pay for him if he doesn't love me. I worked until my dad got sick last july. I can't go back to work yet theres just so much
goochgirl, look at the money situation. Your BF is not paying his fair share of the expenses. Nor is he trying to get another job. If he really loved you wouldn't he want to help support his family? I have known people who have gotten second or even third jobs to support their family. It sounds like your BF does not even have one job that he does fulltime, year round.
Your father is gone and will not be able to help you out financially in the future. And, once the money that you inherited from your father is gone it will be gone forever. You probably are not aware that many people who inherit money save it to use for their own retirement or save it to use for their children's college education or save it for big emergencies. It seems like you are using that money for day to day expenses while your BF, the father of your son, is not even working.
goochgirl, I wonder if your BF is only staying with you because he is too lazy to work (or at least work very hard). First your dad was helping out financially and now you are using the money you received after he died. Frankly, I would not be surprised if once the money from your father is completely gone and your BF is forced to actually work more hours to help support himself & his son he will leave you to find another woman with more money. I have seen that happen.
I agree with germaine, she's given a lot of good advice. You shouldn't be spending your inheritance on day-to-day living, and especially not on some lazy and abusive guy. If he keeps threatening to leave, let him leave! He'd be doing you a favor, IMO.
There is nothing wrong with being by yourself without a man. Please get counseling, I bet there are women's advocacy groups in your area who could help you find someone to talk to, someone to help you see your situation clearly and offer ideas and emotional support. Do this for yourself, and your kids.
I agree with germaine, she's given a lot of good advice. You shouldn't be spending your inheritance on day-to-day living, and especially not on some lazy and abusive guy. If he keeps threatening to leave, let him leave! He'd be doing you a favor, IMO.
Goochgirl, let me emphasize what this poster wrote^^
You said your dad helped you financially when he was alive, and that's when you were working. But now you are spending your inheritance and not working--this is a BAD IDEA! You no longer have your dad to help out. When that money is gone, it is GONE! He left you a gift you should hold on tight to, and consider the very best use of this gift from your dad. Just blowing through it is a terrible plan. Especially considering your relationship with your bf.
Get a job, save the money from your dad, get rid of bf.
(If you think he still has potential, he should move out, prove himself to be a decent man and father, and only then should you even consider getting back together with him.)
I'm not going to tell you to kick your bf out. He is the father to your children and I don't think you are mentally or emotionally in a place that you would actually be able to do that successfully. Honestly, who breaks up with s boyfriend because people online tells them to?
What I will say is you should really consider putting getting into counseling as a #1 step for your life. It can help you figure out your relationship with your bf...it can help you learn you deserve to be treated well...clairfy what is a healthy relationship...help you sort out parenting issues. I think it could really help you. I hope you really consider it.
Please, for the sake of your children if you can't do it for yourself, lose this guy. He is not what any of you need. He is hurting all of you and you all deserve to live a peaceful and safe life.
I'm not going to tell you to kick your bf out. He is the father to your children and I don't think you are mentally or emotionally in a place that you would actually be able to do that successfully. Honestly, who breaks up with s boyfriend because people online tells them to?
What I will say is you should really consider putting getting into counseling as a #1 step for your life. It can help you figure out your relationship with your bf...it can help you learn you deserve to be treated well...clairfy what is a healthy relationship...help you sort out parenting issues. I think it could really help you. I hope you really consider it.
Wow. I think women are often stronger than they think. Particularly when they know their children are at risk and there is no financial dependency.
Of course counseling is in order. I think everyone agrees on that. I see that as unlikely to happen with a live in BF who makes it difficult for the OP to leave the house. He is sure as hell going to make it unpleasant for her to work toward a place where she is mentally healthy enough to see she doesn't need him.
Wow. I think women are often stronger than they think. Particularly when they know their children are at risk and there is no financial dependency.
Of course counseling is in order. I think everyone agrees on that. I see that as unlikely to happen with a live in BF who makes it difficult for the OP to leave the house. He is sure as hell going to make it unpleasant for her to work toward a place where she is mentally healthy enough to see she doesn't need him.
Read some more of her posts? She pretty much spells it out that she is heavily dependent on the men in her life to make decisions for her. I think she has the reserves, I think she needs a person *in real life!* to help her tap into those. And honestly, I don't know she has to break up with her bf. We are hearing one side...and I don't know if she wants to. She has children with him (well one, but with a lawyer it sounds like he might be able to take the other), she could lose them. She needs to get *in real life!* resources in place, not listen to a bunch of people online.
That is what I was saying, I stick by it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
