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Why do BOTH your kids spend so much time in their bedroom? Is the living room off limits? Do you think they're too noisy so you ban them to their room? There's no reason they can't play in the living room or hang out at the kitchen table, one at a time with the other in their room, alone. How big is the space you live in?
Hogwash, they are not too old to be sharing a room if it is an ok situation for them. If they are happy about it, fine. If not, look into alternatives. It will need to be on the long term radar because at some point (I am guessing 2-4 years) they will need their own room. That said, lots of brother/sister combos in history have shared bedrooms with out dire results.
It's not hogwash in my state. The Department of Children's Services says children beyond 5 years old cannot share a room if they are the same sex. And at 8 years old, her body could start changing any day!
Why do BOTH your kids spend so much time in their bedroom? Is the living room off limits? Do you think they're too noisy so you ban them to their room? There's no reason they can't play in the living room or hang out at the kitchen table, one at a time with the other in their room, alone. How big is the space you live in?
I would agree, I think the goal would be to have them spend time outside their rooms unless they went in there to play quietly alone. My kids just stopped sharing a room (although they have a jack and jill bathroom and they keep the doors open at night so they can still see each other). They are 9 and 10. They let me know it was time. But prior to that, they never went into their room unless they needed some quiet time.
SO I think taking over the living room would be a recipe for disaster. Even if they had access to it in the day time, it would push them more off into their rooms. You don't want that. That comes later when they are teenagers. Right now you want them to be in the common area...that is where they should be. Plus, you and your boyfriend need to have adult space, and that should be your bedroom.
I really think taking the TV out of the room and limiting screen time would be best. I think you will be surprised by how better behaved they are. There is a time (hours to weeks) where they want to bug you until you change your mind. But after its much better.
I know you are essentially their primary caregiver...but lots of us are full time care givers. Also, don't your kids go to school? Mine do. I have them essentially for an hour in the morning, then 5 hours after school and all the weekend. Yeah, sometimes I do feel like I need a break, I wont lie. But mostly I enjoy them when they are around. I am wondering if you are battling some anxiety or depression? That can make caring for kids much more difficult. Did your dad do most of the caregiving?
I guess the bottom line is kids don't get along quite often, and many people are the full time care givers to their children. None of this is unusual.
It's not hogwash in my state. The Department of Children's Services says children beyond 5 years old cannot share a room if they are the same sex. And at 8 years old, her body could start changing any day!
The state can not tell you where you let them sleep, that rule is for foster children and low income (government subsidized) housing.
And how does body changes make them unable to sleep in the same room? Weird to think that.
The state can not tell you where you let them sleep, that rule is for foster children and low income (government subsidized) housing.
And how does body changes make them unable to sleep in the same room? Weird to think that.
Many apartment complexes also dictate how many can be in bedrooms including ages and sexes. If child services is ever called, this could be an issue for the OP.
Did I say body changes make anyone unable to sleep in the same room? Boys and girls get curious. Changing clothes is an issue. Having her period and leaking during the night. No little girl wants her brother to see her bra! Lots of issues with boys and girls sharing bedrooms once they hit a certain age.
Your boyfriend is wrong. And if he's not the father, he should keep out of it. And if you're so paranoid about starting a fight with your boyfriend, maybe you need to re-think the relationship.
It's not hogwash in my state. The Department of Children's Services says children beyond 5 years old cannot share a room if they are the same sex. And at 8 years old, her body could start changing any day!
I call BS. A lot of families can't afford 3 bedrooms. I have never, ever heard of any opposite-sex bedroom police. The only thing even remotely similar that I know of is a maximum number of people allowed per bedroom. That number is usually 2 people per bedroom, plus 1. That means 5 people could live in a 2-bedroom apartment without raising questions.
The OP is intimidated by her BF. This relationship is a ticking time bomb. It can't survive like this forever.
I agree with you, OP, that they shouldn't have to do everything together. They also shouldn't have to stay in the same room if they are doing different activities and are bickering. Separating them and letting them do their own thing would have been better.
Many apartment complexes also dictate how many can be in bedrooms including ages and sexes. If child services is ever called, this could be an issue for the OP.
Did I say body changes make anyone unable to sleep in the same room? Boys and girls get curious. Changing clothes is an issue. Having her period and leaking during the night. No little girl wants her brother to see her bra! Lots of issues with boys and girls sharing bedrooms once they hit a certain age.
Apartments do have rules on how many people can be in an apartment...but genders and bedrooms only comes into play if the apartments receive government funding. CPS isn't going to give 2-poops if a 6 year old boy and 8 year old girl share a room. They have bigger fish to fry. They only care if there are foster children involved or the the child is at risk. Sharing bedrooms isn't a risk in and of itself.
As for curiosity, there is such thing as a bathroom, and many children change in there. Its got a handy dandy lock on it. Having a separate bedroom isn't going to stop a kid from looking at his sister's bra if he wants to.
As I said in my post, my kids chose to share a room until they were 9 and 10. And some of the reason they chose to take different rooms was because they were maturing and also because they wanted more time apart. We are lucky to have plenty of bedrooms in this house. But if there isn't room for that, people find other ways. Like changing in the bathroom, or having a rule if the door is shut, don't open it. Putting private items away.
My sister and brother shared a room until my sister was almost an adult and my brother was 11. It wasnt a big deal to them. I got my own room. I was the kind of kid who really needed my own space and my siblings didn't mind sharing and giving me the closet sized 3rd bedroom. They did have the master, my parents had the medium room, so they were not crammed up together. We did live in government housing, so there was a rule that we had to have 3 bedrooms, but there was no law, even implied, that the girls had to stay in one room and the boy in another. And we had tons of inspections and it was never brought up. My best friend in an identical apartment had the same exact set up, except her brother and sister were a year apart and preferred to share a room because they always had. But also, she was someone who really needed her own space too.
You do what works best for your family, bottom line. There is no one right way.
First of all I need to say yes he is biological father of 6 yr old, but also is only father 8 yr old knows even though he isn't the biological father of her he may as well be. There has never been contact w/ bio father. But it's not like I go behind his back for the kids to me. Because for ex when this happened and the 6yr old tattled, I told my son, that he needs to just play by himself or do w/e activity. But that his sister didn't have to play w/ him. She was watching her program.I told my son I didn't want to hear the tattling. My bf instead does what he wants with them. And told them if they couldn't agree on either watching tv or playing together that he was turning off tv and making them lay down. I didn't agree w/ that but he goes over me in what he thinks should happen. I do not think they should be forced to do same thing together all the time. I don't know why my son won't do something by himself if she won't do it w/ him.
The have a really nice size bedroom. They have really nice seperate beds, dressers etc. and I did make it where she has a half and he has a half of room, tv on center wall. My bf is the one who wants to have us sleep in liv rm. It is a lot cooler down there. Plus right now I have no privacy anyway. When I go to bathroom kids will walk in, same w/ my bedrm. It doesn't matter if I am getting dressed. We are always telling them not to come in unless they are told they can. So if we sleep downstairs they will both sleep in bed rooms upstairs so I may have more privacy. Our bedroom door doesn't lock and when you close it there is still a small gap. It doesn't shut all way. We want landlord to fix it. I don't believe in punishing them for things except if they get hurt or are hurting each other, I do tell him I don;t want to hear the tattling for small things like that.
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I call BS. A lot of families can't afford 3 bedrooms. I have never, ever heard of any opposite-sex bedroom police. The only thing even remotely similar that I know of is a maximum number of people allowed per bedroom. That number is usually 2 people per bedroom, plus 1. That means 5 people could live in a 2-bedroom apartment without raising questions. 
