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Thank you all . I know I am not an angel as some would like to say, or at least I wasn't in the past. Yes we did get together on a drug basis 8 years ago. But I had fought to get myself clean and when he went to jail 8 years ago it was b/c he beat me up. I cheated when he went b/c I truly thought we were done and stay over. He was gone for 3 months. That doesn't exscuse my behavior but it is why it happened. Also he doesn't call me the b word he calls me the wh--- word and sl-- word. He constantly says I am sleeping w/ other people, even accused me of sleeping w/ my neighbors or when I go to store says it. I do not even know or speak to my neighbors or anyone else for that matter. I know I should of probably stayed away from him years ago. The womans shelter here isn't going to help me. I called them years ago and they told me to come there well I was young and dumb and didn't know the rules and I had him drop me off there. I didn't tell him what it was but I had no way to get there otherwise. They said it is supposed to be secret and for me to leave. My area is very rural and doesn't have a lot of resources for things. I don't know if he still uses I would like to think not. He hasn't put his hands on me in a while but he will and does threaten it. He blames me for him going to jail before. I never really thought I was emotionally abused. I just thought he is and says really mean things. I have been reading things online that says this is what happens when you are. It is just I will tell him go ahead leave me break up w/ me b/c he says that is what he wants but then he doesn't go. I wish everyday my dad was still alive. I need him so bad and I just am so confused and hurt I just feel stuck.
Thank you all . I know I am not an angel as some would like to say, or at least I wasn't in the past. Yes we did get together on a drug basis 8 years ago. But I had fought to get myself clean and when he went to jail 8 years ago it was b/c he beat me up. I cheated when he went b/c I truly thought we were done and stay over. He was gone for 3 months. That doesn't exscuse my behavior but it is why it happened. Also he doesn't call me the b word he calls me the wh--- word and sl-- word. He constantly says I am sleeping w/ other people, even accused me of sleeping w/ my neighbors or when I go to store says it. I do not even know or speak to my neighbors or anyone else for that matter. I know I should of probably stayed away from him years ago. The womans shelter here isn't going to help me. I called them years ago and they told me to come there well I was young and dumb and didn't know the rules and I had him drop me off there. I didn't tell him what it was but I had no way to get there otherwise. They said it is supposed to be secret and for me to leave. My area is very rural and doesn't have a lot of resources for things. I don't know if he still uses I would like to think not. He hasn't put his hands on me in a while but he will and does threaten it. He blames me for him going to jail before. I never really thought I was emotionally abused. I just thought he is and says really mean things. I have been reading things online that says this is what happens when you are. It is just I will tell him go ahead leave me break up w/ me b/c he says that is what he wants but then he doesn't go. I wish everyday my dad was still alive. I need him so bad and I just am so confused and hurt I just feel stuck.
Try the women's shelter again. Call or look at their website and find out what sort of resources they have that you might be able to take advantage of. You're in a classic abuse situation and it will only get worse if you don't get out.
Would it be possible to have a rational discussion with him about splitting up? Not you telling him how he needs to change, but just pointing out that neither of you are very happy and it might be time to stop pretending?
Also I tell him everytime he calls me those names that I will and should not have to relieve or keep paying for a mistake I made at 20 years old. I am a diff person now. I don't even speak to other men. When the guy came to our house to install dish network he said something messed up about me w/ that guy. I can't even be polite to people in everyday life or I hear about it. I tell him he knew about my mistake he should just have left me or w/e. He says he forgives me but what about him none of that would of happened had he never hit me and went to jail. But I don't bring up his past to throw in his face. I don't want you to think there isn't any thing good about him b/c there is. This is just what our problems are.
Yea we have talks about that and I will say exactly what you just said. He will agree but nothing ever comes of it. It doesn't help probably that he doesn't own a vehicle. The one we have is mine. I tell him f I had anywhere to go I would go why doesn't he. It just goes round and round same conversations different days.
Also I tell him everytime he calls me those names that I will and should not have to relieve or keep paying for a mistake I made at 20 years old. I am a diff person now. I don't even speak to other men. When the guy came to our house to install dish network he said something messed up about me w/ that guy. I can't even be polite to people in everyday life or I hear about it. I tell him he knew about my mistake he should just have left me or w/e. He says he forgives me but what about him none of that would of happened had he never hit me and went to jail. But I don't bring up his past to throw in his face. I don't want you to think there isn't any thing good about him b/c there is. This is just what our problems are.
The issue isn't whether he has any good qualities. We'll just assume that he does.
But it also appears that he's paranoid, controlling, hateful, immature and a deadbeat.
Is the way you're living right now the way you want to live for the rest of your life?
Yea we have talks about that and I will say exactly what you just said. He will agree but nothing ever comes of it. It doesn't help probably that he doesn't own a vehicle. The one we have is mine. I tell him f I had anywhere to go I would go why doesn't he. It just goes round and round same conversations different days.
It's up to you to change it because it's working out great for him.
Find a time you can talk to the Women's shelter. You need some real help in the real world.
A few questions/points that maybe have been addressed but I don't have the time to go thru this whole thread. 1. Is the BF a father to either child? If answer is no, under no circumstances should he be parenting your children. 2. He is wrong and his solution was mean spirited. Your gut instincts are correct. If you're having to do things in secret to avoid confrontation with him, please think long and hard about that relationship. Put your children first and advocate for them; you're all they have.
I agree with the suggestion to take parenting classes.
Also, get the TV out of the room. They don't need a TV in their room...its lazy parenting. Start limiting screen time to 1 hour a day, 2 hours a weekend day. And time it. Watch TV with them. I know they are with you a lot and you want a break. But you aren't the only parent who has a kid with them all the time. You will really kick yourself if you let them go on with this type of access to screens.
Parking kids in front of TV's ANYWHERE is lazy parenting.
The whole scenario sounds like you're parking them in there so you don't have to be bothered with them as you and you "bf" exclude them.
Take them to the park. Or play games with them. Let them come watch TV with you.
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