The Belt (child support, stepfather, support, clothes)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What era did you grow up in?
In the '60s and '70s, many a parent used the belt under extraordinary circumstances. I've got friends I grew up with, who got the switch, paddle, hot wheels track, and in a case, a fishing rod. None of us grew up "damaged" or "tormented", if you will...and it was NOT an everyday occasion - it was only when we got way out of line! Children today are not like the children of yesteryear - I see them cursing their parents, using drugs, dressing provocatively (short skirts, half-blouses, boys with pants sagging). Sorry, maybe I'm "an old relic", approaching my mid-50s, but kids were more respectful when I was coming up!
Honestly, OP, do you think there might be a relationship here...Have you at least explored that possibility in therapy?
Discipline does not equal hitting. It isn't as if the choice is hit the kid with a belt or let them run wild.
Hey, this is the internet, nuance isn't allowed.
In my view hitting a child at all teaches that physical force is an appropriate response to a disagreement or conflict.
Believe me, I sometimes want to hit my 3.5 year old, but I never do. I take a breath, and try to approach whatever the issue is from a reasonable position. I realize my son is young and I'm still a fairly new parent, but he behaves about as well as a child his age can be expected to. My parents didn't hit us, and we all grew up to be decent people.
I understand that at young ages children can't fully be reasoned with. It's on the parent to figure out how to teach an age appropriate lesson. While I don't think spanking or hitting is always abusive or scarring, I do think it is the easy way out.
I believe that any sort of spanking or belt is abuse. I have called the police on someone in Target who was spanking their child in the bathroom and I'd do it again. I've called CPS on someone who was threatening their child with the belt too. There are other equally effective ways to punish a child that don't cause physical harm.
What era did you grow up in?
In the '60s and '70s, many a parent used the belt under extraordinary circumstances. I've got friends I grew up with, who got the switch, paddle, hot wheels track, and in a case, a fishing rod. None of us grew up "damaged" or "tormented", if you will...and it was NOT an everyday occasion - it was only when we got way out of line! Children today are not like the children of yesteryear - I see them cursing their parents, using drugs, dressing provocatively (short skirts, half-blouses, boys with pants sagging). Sorry, maybe I'm "an old relic", approaching my mid-50s, but kids were more respectful when I was coming up!
I grew up in the 70's and was severely abused by my mother.
And anyone working in CPS should not be asking if abuse is being hit with a belt.
Children today behave the way they do because their parents aren't parenting. They're being their friend. You can discipline a child without beating them. People do it every day.
Let me say this again...
I got my ass lit by my dad's belt when I was a kid; many others of my generation got their asses lit by their parents. Didn't leave any physical scars, but it hurt like hell for a couple days to sit down. I'm not talking about actually using something hard, like the belt buckle; I'm referring to looping it and smacking the sitzplatz a couple of times. Nor am I talking dropping the britches and hitting bare ass, either! I'm saying that spanking was a part of upbringing. Used as a very last resort!
I've also heard of being "sent to bed without dinner". Now that I draw the line at. You don't make a child starve! But there's a fine line in punishment methods. Paddles, wiffle ball bats, cords...no. Just no. But most common were the belt or slipper on the pants.
Just because something was done to you does NOT make it ok or alright. If you were raped, would that be ok? If you were hit in the head with a bat, would that be ok? Children are locked up in closets and basements for misbehaving, that doesn't mean it's ok! Being beaten with a wooden spoon daily and causing permanent back damage is NOT ok!
That's what happened to me. My mother would have to buy new wooden spoons every week. She beat me with them until they broke. And all those beatings did NOTHING! It did not make me respect her. It did not make me behave. It did not magically make the sass in me disappear. Even at 6 years old, I remember laughing at her while screaming and sobbing because she couldn't control herself and acted like a crazy person. The 6 year old was actually the one in control. Not the parent. Never learned anything from those beatings except she was a jerk who had no self control.
Just because something was done to you does NOT make it ok or alright. If you were raped, would that be ok? If you were hit in the head with a bat, would that be ok? Children are locked up in closets and basements for misbehaving, that doesn't mean it's ok! Being beaten with a wooden spoon daily and causing permanent back damage is NOT ok!
That's what happened to me. My mother would have to buy new wooden spoons every week. She beat me with them until they broke. And all those beatings did NOTHING! It did not make me respect her. It did not make me behave. It did not magically make the sass in me disappear. Even at 6 years old, I remember laughing at her while screaming and sobbing because she couldn't control herself and acted like a crazy person. The 6 year old was actually the one in control. Not the parent. Never learned anything from those beatings except she was a jerk who had no self control.
Sad. Sorry that this was your childhood experience. Not excusing this abuse.
Most of us learned not to antagonize and make the situation worse. Sounds like you were very defiant as a child. The 6 year old might have been in control, but not of himself.
Really, if you have to resort to hitting a tiny person because you can't come up with anything better, you need some help.
Hitting a child is just lazy parenting.
The type of parents we see today are people who do nothing at all. Some parents today encourage poor behavior from their children because the parents don't know how to act. You have people who have no business raising a child.
Ok, ok, I've been ganged up on by several posters here.
I know it's 2016 going into 2017, it's not 1970. I only asked because, again, there's that fine line between discipline and abuse.
Those questioning my profession: Look, for a time as a young kid, I was in a boarding school. The staff people used belts to discipline; the social workers and administrators did virtually nothing - their response was more or less: "What did you do to get that whooping?"
Today, those same staffers would be thrown in jail for their actions! I became a CPS worker in order to prevent abuse/neglect. That's a given. But my general question being: How far is too far in terms of discipline? Be it using a belt, open-hand swat across the fanny, rap across the wrist, etc.
And incidentally, while in that boarding school, I was kicked, punched, smacked, bare-ass whipped, by staff within. Nobody did a damn thing about it! Now, we lock people up for such actions!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
