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OP, your son is selfish and disrespectful. Take whatever steps is necessary. At this point, you are enabling him by letting him stay and still be a child. You can see many here think that this is appropriate behavior for an adult to still want mommy to take care of him which explains a lot of problems that society is having.
If you love yourself, you want to make him the best he can be and if what you are seeing is the best, he has a long hard road ahead.
You are right on target with getting him to move out. I see this as being for him and not yourself. He needs to be a adult and it is your job to get him there. Lock your heels in and if you have to, get him evicted. Imagine when he moves in a pregnant girlfriend who would also like to still be taken care of by a mommy. Get ahead of it!
Many young men join the military when they can't find employment. Maybe he can find a job that would include housing, something at a mini-warehouse or managing a property part-time. Get creative and get him out for his own good.
The longer he remains this way the more likely it is going to be his lifestyle. You owe it to him to be the adult, because it looks like this isn't something he is capable of as yet.
Maybe your son should consider getting a second job. 23 years old and in the prime of his life. He can deliver pizzas at night while working during the day. Maybe get a restaurant job. Hard work never killed anyone and builds character. You raised him for 23 years. Now it is time for him to put on his big boy pants and be independent. You do not owe him a place to live anymore.
Help him look for an apartment, and still be emotionally and financially supportive as you are now. Let him now you aren't "dumping" him cold. Don't just "kick him out of the nest". But let him know he has to be more independent than he is now.
Be encouraging and communicating. Eventually, he'll grow up and even think Mom is overbearing.
I'm not even attacking the OP. Ultimately, she has the right to kick him out.
I was just annoyed by the asinine insinuation that living with your parents at 20-30 (which includes early 20-22 year old people) makes you lazy and whatever other cliche's were used. As if a vast majority of 20 year old people live on their own, which I don't believe to be true.
OP, you say he has a job, so is he contributing financially around the house and with the bills? At the very least, he should be. When I lived with my grandparents from 18-22, I helped out with the bills. I was not living with them for free.
Life is not fair and you will more than likely have to go through legal steps to evict him from your home.
Be sure you follow the steps exactly and hire an attorney if you have to.
It all comes down to whether you want a positive relationship with him in the future or not.
Giving him a firm ultimatum and then not discussing it one bit and then calling the cops or throwing his stuff on the street is the perfect way to have your son hate you forever. I can't imagine any parent wants that.
However, I don't agree with letting an adult kid live with parents forever IF they are not contributing and IF there isn't mutual respect going on. I'm 42, have two teen sons, and live with my mother. We get along, respect each other's boundaries and both contribute financially etc. to the household in appropriate measures. There is nothing wrong with that type of arrangement, as long as it works for both people.
If the OP wants her son out but wants to maintain a good relationship with him, she's going to have to take a step back and start treating him like someone she loves and respects instead of a squatter.
Sit down. Talk. Help him come up with a plan with an end date. A parent's help doesn't have to be financial or just a place to live.
I just don't get it. My parents NEVER tried to push us out. We had our freedom to come and go and we contributed to the household. My brother was in his 30's when he got married and THEN moved out. I was 27 when I got married and THEN moved out. I don't get these parents that try to push their kids out especially at a young age (yes, 23 IS young) and they're not even making that much money to support themselves.
I just don't get it. My parents NEVER tried to push us out. We had our freedom to come and go and we contributed to the household. My brother was in his 30's when he got married and THEN moved out. I was 27 when I got married and THEN moved out. I don't get these parents that try to push their kids out especially at a young age (yes, 23 IS young) and they're not even making that much money to support themselves.
I sense no loving relationship at all.
I think it depends. If I were alone, I would love to have my kids living at home until they got married, so I could fuss over them, and they could help take care of things. I have nice respectful and considerate kids, though.
I think it depends. If I were alone, I would love to have my kids living at home until they got married, so I could fuss over them, and they could help take care of things. I have nice respectful and considerate kids, though.
Well, yeah...I wouldn't want a delinquent in the house lol
So my son, who just turned 23, graduated from college a few months ago. I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted. Big mistake.
My husband and I divorced many many years ago, and I raised my son in an apartment. I still live in this apartment, and while I missed my son when he was away at college, I loved having my own space. Things are now back to the way they way were before they went to college, except that he's a 23-year-old man instead of a teenage boy.
He's managed to get some very low-paying jobs with his degree, but doesn't earn enough to contribute a lot. He's an adult now and I have no obligation to let him live with me. So the other day, I told him that he had 2 months to find another place. And he hit the ceiling.
He told me I was selfish and didn't love him, and also called me a traitor and other horrific things. He said all this instead of thanking me for letting him stay under my roof for 8 months. How does he not understand me wanting my own space after 23 years? I took having my own space for granted when he was at college, which is why I said he could return for as long as he wanted, but now I realize what a luxury I had and that I really want it back.
Surely he must understand my need for peace and independence.
March, he has to pay $50 to stay.
April, $100.
May, $150
and so on
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