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There is nothing wrong with what your doing! In fact, I think it's very smart for you. My son will start 4th grade this year. My husband & I got a cell phone for him to use in camp ( only when they go on field trips). We want the comfort of knowing we can reach him easily (and vice versa) if need be.
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Originally Posted by cdc3217
My 4th grader has a cell phone. It was a much debated decision when I set it up for the school year, but the reason behind it was so that he would have a safety net for walking to and from school (and a few other places) on his own. Its doesn't cost much, and he only uses it to call me and coordinate pick-ups or check-ins. THere's one super-busy corner near our house I don't like him to cross alone, so he calls when he gets there and I meet him.
Long story short, I want to give him more independence (like back in the old days), and the phone is a back-up safety net (because nowasdays less of our neighbors are home for emergencies, etc.), not a toy.
I was dumb enough to say that to my mom ONCE when I was growing up. She (a single mom) told me "You go ahead and call them. I will then beat you while we're waiting for them so they have a good reason to arrest me."
I didn't call.
My kids have never threatened to call the police, but I've already told them that if they ever feel the need to, I will follow in my mom's footsteps.
I had a parent come in to my classroom, all upset at her son and clueless as to what to do. He had been acting up at home and at church and nothing she said made a difference. She threatened to spank him and he threatened to call the police about abuse. He about had a heart attack when I explained to her, in front of him, that spanking was not abuse. As long as she stuck to his bottom and limited the number of swats to his age it was fine. Abuse is hitting with more than the hand out of anger and without control. It was funny to see his face. He straightened up and she never had to spank him. Sometimes the threat is more than enough.
My mother had a wooden spoon. All she would do is hold it up in the air and that was enough to keep most of us in line.
One time I had a student that wouldn't sit in his seat ever. I let the class watch me put some rope in the bottom drawer of my desk. He did a much better job of sitting. And I never said a word. I couldn't say anything or someone would have challenged me to actually do it.
Children will always push adults to see where the line is. We have to set rules and consequences that can be carried out and then, the hardest part, be consistent in doing them.
One parent was tired of her child not doing his homework or studying so she warned her daughter if she didn't straighten out, she would lose everything. The daughter didn't believe the mother, so mom took out everything from the bedroom. All that was left was a bed and dresser with clothes. The tv, video games, computer, books, toys, phone, everything else was gone. The mother boxed stuff up and put the boxes in the living room so the daughter couldn't try to sneak into the boxes. It took a month for the child to realize that the mother wasn't going to give in and the homework and studying got done. When the grades went up the daughter began to earn her things back. Mother admitted that she was sooooo glad when the livingroom was back to normal. Having all the boxes there was an eyesore. The teachers spread the word around the school and cheered for the mom who stuck to her guns and didn't give in. Not only did the daughter's grades and study habits go up, her behavior in class improved and so did the behavior and grades of her friends that were afraid their mothers would do the same thing. That girl got high grades in high school and went on to college on a scholarship. We still tell that story to other parents even though it happened several years ago.
well, I only read opening post, so I didn't go thru all the coments to follow. However right off the bat I wanted to answer "b/c we've learned more." We've learned that perhaps having your kids afraid of you ( especially b/c of physical ramifications) may not be the best thing for humans. Maybe self esteem does matter and can be fostered healthily by parents doing things a little different.. I mean the very kids raised that way are the same adults that grew up doing something diffferent or writing books about it, and seeing therapists, etc. Do you know my parents way of potty training me was on 'good days' hanging a star in my room. on days I had an accident, they hung this Halloween witch decoration. I remember staring at that thing scared! Now we know kids don't pee themselves always out of just being lazy...it's a learning curve that takes patience! I was scared of my dad,too, and hated him later for treating me so mean and rough. I don't want my daughter scared of me like that. I don' t know exactly where the happy medium is.....
I am old fashioned but cringe at some of the way the kids behave today. I am in my 40's and we have a 8 & 9 year old. While we feel sometimes we are at our children all the time, there are days when I know its working.
Last night we were all at an outside burger place. The table next to ours was full of children that are in grades 4th thru 7th. They all went to school with my children. When that table got up and left, they all left their garbage behind. One of the children who is in my sons class roared after the rest ; what about the garbage. Well she went ahead and picked up most of it while the other children went on their merry way. My kids were horrified. They know better.
There is just no respect thought by the parents. Also yesterday my son was at baseball camp. He is 8. One of the other children told him he hit like a girl, that he kissed boys and also called him a B*((&. This is a child that my son never met before. What kind of parenting does that child have?? The coaches were aware of it and did repremand him saying ; there are no gay jokes here and no name calling.
But where will this child be in 10 years? I never say my kids are perfect. but we are doing them an injustice teaching them to be respectful, to treat other children as they would like to be treated. Its an uphill battle.
As with everything else, its a balance. Who says you can't foster self esteem and set boundaries at the same time? It doesn't have to be either or. Setting expectations early and following through is all it took for my kids. Granted, I'm very fortunate that my kids have those really nice personalities and aren't the over challenging types! Whew!
I was dumb enough to say that to my mom ONCE when I was growing up. She (a single mom) told me "You go ahead and call them. I will then beat you while we're waiting for them so they have a good reason to arrest me."
I didn't call.
My kids have never threatened to call the police, but I've already told them that if they ever feel the need to, I will follow in my mom's footsteps.
I remember threatening to car the cops on my day once and boy did he beat the crap out of me! I never threaten to call the cops again. My parents were very strict. I personnally don't "spank" my son. I find other forms of disipline work better for him. It is the parent's choice how they want to disipline their children. A spanking is ok as long as it is just your hand being used to administer the spanking, but when people in authority start picking up objects to beat their kids, it is no longer just a spanking, it's abuse.
That drives me nuts. Our kids started clearing the table after themselves as soon as they were old enough to walk and carry something at the same time. We go to Grandma's house and our kids are the ONLY ones that clean up after themselves. The rest of the grandkids still leave it for their parents. We are talking 7-14 year olds! Heck, our one niece and nephew won't even open a door for themselves. They stand at the door and wait for mom or dad to open it. They are going into 8th and 6th grade. Even getting in and out of the car they do that. I don't get it.
Sounds like you've got some lazy nieces and nephews! I bet your brothers and sisters are impressed by your children! There isn't a waitress at my house, either. The kids clear their places after they are done eating.
One parent was tired of her child not doing his homework or studying so she warned her daughter if she didn't straighten out, she would lose everything. The daughter didn't believe the mother, so mom took out everything from the bedroom. All that was left was a bed and dresser with clothes. The tv, video games, computer, books, toys, phone, everything else was gone. The mother boxed stuff up and put the boxes in the living room so the daughter couldn't try to sneak into the boxes. It took a month for the child to realize that the mother wasn't going to give in and the homework and studying got done. When the grades went up the daughter began to earn her things back. Mother admitted that she was sooooo glad when the livingroom was back to normal. Having all the boxes there was an eyesore. The teachers spread the word around the school and cheered for the mom who stuck to her guns and didn't give in. Not only did the daughter's grades and study habits go up, her behavior in class improved and so did the behavior and grades of her friends that were afraid their mothers would do the same thing. That girl got high grades in high school and went on to college on a scholarship. We still tell that story to other parents even though it happened several years ago.
I agree that a parent has to stick to his/her guns. But an observation here is that maybe the daughter did better in school because she took the video game, tv, computer and phone out of her bedroom?
This is an overall point of concern with me: that parents allow all of these things in a kids bedroom in the first place.
I was talking to a kid today who was visiting my home. She was surprised that I do not have cable. Heck, everyone is. I told her that we watch movies. Then I read her a book and she had soooo much fun. She told me that she wished her mom would read her a book, and she also told me that she, who is six, has a tv in her room, and her sister, who is two, has a tv in her room. I think that this is more the norm than we think, and it is terrifying.
Sounds like you've got some lazy nieces and nephews! I bet your brothers and sisters are impressed by your children! There isn't a waitress at my house, either. The kids clear their places after they are done eating.
My son is 2.5, and he clears his plate. It's not rocket science.
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