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I live in a very good school district. The district pushed for the tests, not me. They did diagnose, as the person testing is a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist for the district. Diagnosed ODD, not a made-up disorder, but a frustrating way of life...
We're in a wealthy town with a great district too. It was variable for us. Once we got over a couple humps and learned some things, many pushed for tests. And our school has a licensed psychologist on staff as well. We got both inside and outside testing done.
I understand the frustration and send you good karma and well wishes. Every year I say maybe more maturity will help and every year I am disappointed. It's hard but I try to remember that things can be worse.
We're in a wealthy town with a great district too. It was variable for us. Once we got over a couple humps and learned some things, many pushed for tests. And our school has a licensed psychologist on staff as well. We got both inside and outside testing done.
I understand the frustration and send you good karma and well wishes. Every year I say maybe more maturity will help and every year I am disappointed. It's hard but I try to remember that things can be worse.
Everyone kept telling me that everything would change at 7 years old... he's been 7 for almost 2 months. Does it happen over night one night? I'm waiting... The district tested him at 4 and 5. They let last year go to see if there could be natural changes... but this year, we were back up there trying to find ways to make changes. I'm out of ideas. It's like they think I'm hiding ways to control him. *LOL*
If your child's behavior is making you miserable at home and making his teachers frustrated and unable to teach in the classroom, then medicating (the only reason for seeing a pediatrician) makes sense. If that's not the case, you might want to look into the side effects of that medication. And I would never trust a teacher's opinion - they have no training at all to even form an educated opinion on that.
From my experience I would go to a professional. I went the route of having the school diagnose my son and it was truly awful. I had a doctor tell me my son was weird and would be made fun of, so what was the difference if he was diagnosed with Asperger's or not? He never even spoke to my son and diagnosed him.
I took my son to several doctors before he was officially diagnosed with ADHD. It was a very lengthy process that took hours. It made me feel much more confidant in his diagnoses and issues that he has.
OP, although I agree with some people's comments don't listen to anyone here. Go to your pediatrician and let him/her know your thoughts and concerns. See what they say and consider going to a psychologist for a real consult. Not a psychiatrist. Only go to them if you decide meds are a good choice, which they absolutely can be so don't subscribe to the stigma that meds are bad. Consult with professionals and understand that if meds can help your kid feel better about himself or make his life better by regulating whatever needs regulating then you are doing the right thing for him.
Boys are boys but there is out of the norm behavior that can be a number of things, including nothing but a phase. To us it was evident because things were going on so long and across multiple domains (home, school, etc.). And it was going on since pre school. Tons of trouble and "feedback" from teachers, caretakers, other parents, his peers, etc. He is "that kid".
I feel for the people here with a kid with ODD and ADHD. It's a whole different life and parenting experience - a bad one. Those types kids are hard to enjoy. I have only few nice moments here and there but have been denied a normal parenting experience. The marital relationship is very stressed too and our careers suffer as well. It's a sad circumstance when all you are doing is being a caretaker and a frustrated and angry one at that with frayed nerves. And we have so much to give if he would only accept it. We try and try and try...but nope, he prefers to make us miserable, which is one of the only things that gives him enjoyment and a sense of satisfaction. Once he drives one of us to the edge is when he calms down and feels good for a few minutes. I can't imagine anymore how it would feel to derive consistent enjoyment from a kid. We literally dread waking him up in the morning and take turns as to who has to do it.
We went through getting him help early. I encourage you to seek the advice of professionals and if he does need help, get it as early as possible. We did and it's still really bad. It may be time for us to do another assessment and see what else we can do or need to change.
Best of luck.
I agree that OP should go to her pediatrician but input from those in the same boat can be helpful. I'm happy someone who chose not to medicate posted here too. We should have varying viewpoints.
While parenting my son with ADHD is definitely difficult and trying, we do enjoy him. He is funny as hell, SWEET (seriously has the biggest heart of anyone I've known aside from his father) and he's very creative. You take the bad with the good.
I do agree overall with your post though. Support is so important when you have a child with any type of "difference" from the NT kids. How old is your son, if I may ask?
Your description of "outside the norm" is a good one. I remember questioning the psychiatrist who diagnosed my son. "How are you sure this is a disorder and not just bad behavior?" She answered: "One difference is the presence of choice. The other is the 'behavior' presenting itself in a myriad of situations with different people over an extended period of time."
My experience has been that teachers remain mum. I'd guess it's because they are trained to do that since IEP's require resources. OUr kid gave tons of trouble to a teacher and we had almost daily interactions with the teacher about him, oftentimes more than once a day. She finally broke down (as my kid tends to do to people) and pulled us aside and very privately told us some things we should do that the school would need to respond to. Our kid got a lot of extra help and the teacher liked that. The other students did as well.
So I think you are right, there isn't an evident motivator for a teacher to stop a kid from getting help. But there are reasons that they keep quiet. Parents need to actively ask the right questions and advocate. Most don't even know to ask, much less what to ask for and what to do so that the school must act. There are professional advocates who help parents with this type of thing.
But we're getting away from the OP's post. I think she needs to consult with professionals and other parents who have been or going through something similar and understand how to get services. If her kid can benefit from services, or meds, or therapy, or whatever else.
Right. I was just addressing a previous poster's assertion that teachers WANT kids with diagnoses because it somehow makes their job easier. It doesn't.
If your child's behavior is making you miserable at home and making his teachers frustrated and unable to teach in the classroom, then medicating (the only reason for seeing a pediatrician) makes sense. If that's not the case, you might want to look into the side effects of that medication. And I would never trust a teacher's opinion - they have no training at all to even form an educated opinion on that.
I totally disagree. Many teachers have had hundreds of students under their tutelage during their careers. They may not be formally certified but they do have an educated and experienced opinion which I think should be given some weight.
Everyone kept telling me that everything would change at 7 years old... he's been 7 for almost 2 months. Does it happen over night one night? I'm waiting... The district tested him at 4 and 5. They let last year go to see if there could be natural changes... but this year, we were back up there trying to find ways to make changes. I'm out of ideas. It's like they think I'm hiding ways to control him. *LOL*
I hear you very clearly. Mine is 10.
May sound crazy but there is evidence that an on proportion (maybe like 30% or so) kids who had their adenoids/tonsils removed experienced a much lesser level of ADHD symptoms 6months to a year later. We found out when my wife took our boy to an ENT and his adenoids were so enlarged that they couldn’t get the tube down his nose. We were doing research on the surgery and came across that info. I’m not suggesting, just throwing out information.
If your child's behavior is making you miserable at home and making his teachers frustrated and unable to teach in the classroom, then medicating (the only reason for seeing a pediatrician) makes sense. If that's not the case, you might want to look into the side effects of that medication. And I would never trust a teacher's opinion - they have no training at all to even form an educated opinion on that.
I know a lot about it. Of course I’m aware of side effects. Strange that you think a parent may not be. I’m aware of many things other than side effects too. It’s a hobby of mine to know about the medicine that my loved ones are not ingesting. And yeah, he’s making many miserable, I didn’t go into Meds lightly.
The teacher didn’t offer a diagnosis opinion. She gave us info on how to get him help after we talked about it and she recognized she had information that would help us. I’m not sure how that was misinterpreted.
From my experience I would go to a professional. I went the route of having the school diagnose my son and it was truly awful. I had a doctor tell me my son was weird and would be made fun of, so what was the difference if he was diagnosed with Asperger's or not? He never even spoke to my son and diagnosed him.
I took my son to several doctors before he was officially diagnosed with ADHD. It was a very lengthy process that took hours. It made me feel much more confidant in his diagnoses and issues that he has.
Yep. We had both - and inside and outside diagnosis and info. People need to understand to got to a psychologist for this (and many other mental health issues) type of things. Psychologists are for therapy, psychiatrists are for Meds and medication mgmt.
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