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many diagnosed kids out there are coping without meds.
Mine is one of the 'coping' (mostly) kids, though he is an adult now. The side effects of meds are too much for him, but truthfully just 'coping' probably isn't what a lot of parents hope for their children. It means they still have to struggle a lot, and fail a lot too.
In particular for my son it meant that with help from his teachers and parents he learned to break tasks down into more manageable parts, and to learn to recognize when he needed to back off from too much stimulation, and that head phones are great at helping him shut out distractions. BUT, he still was and is a non stop chattterbox, constantly moving, jiggling knees, tapping toes, drumming fingers, and still annoys the heck out of some people.
He still has trouble concentrating sometimes, like trying to watch a movie or sit through a long dinner. It's enough of a problem that in spite of the side effects he will sometimes go back on the meds to get him through a particularly trying time, such as the last year of college, or starting a new position at work.
It's not like you can say that with enough effort, or therapy, or behavior modification they just 'get over it' or that it's not a problem any more.
Mine is one of the 'coping' (mostly) kids, though he is an adult now. The side effects of meds are too much for him, but truthfully just 'coping' probably isn't what a lot of parents hope for their children. It means they still have to struggle a lot, and fail a lot too.
In particular for my son it meant that with help from his teachers and parents he learned to break tasks down into more manageable parts, and to learn to recognize when he needed to back off from too much stimulation, and that head phones are great at helping him shut out distractions. BUT, he still was and is a non stop chattterbox, constantly moving, jiggling knees, tapping toes, drumming fingers, and still annoys the heck out of some people.
He still has trouble concentrating sometimes, like trying to watch a movie or sit through a long dinner. It's enough of a problem that in spite of the side effects he will sometimes go back on the meds to get him through a particularly trying time, such as the last year of college, or starting a new position at work.
It's not like you can say that with enough effort, or therapy, or behavior modification they just 'get over it' or that it's not a problem any more.
No, you cant; that’s not what i’m saying at all. For SOME kids, that will not be an option. For the vast majority, those options are not explored.
Many kids will need medication as their symptoms are severe enough to warrant it. My issue is with the blanket statement that ‘medication is the way’ to treat ADHD and the fact that there really isn’t a clearly defined diagnosis of ADHD. Its all based on a fluid set of third party impressions which i think is a risky way to make medical decisions and needs improvement. At a minimum the ‘impressions’ need to be better solidified and defined narrowly enough that only a physician and the patient ( or parent) is needed to make a diagnosis.
Someone mentioned diabetes. There are those diabetics that need an insulin shot(s) daily to stay alive. Then there are those that can manage their blood sugar by being more conscious about their diet. The vast majority are someplace in the middle and go back and forth between needing meds and not needing them.
With Adhd, most diagnosed kids are given the equivalent of daily insulin shots first then its up to the parents to decide the shots might be overkill and maybe they just need regular medications and if those still have nasty effects, tapering off to the point where they now just need to watch their diets.
I am surrounded by ADD ers. Husband, stepson and our son. If I send dh to the store for 3 items, he has to call me twice from the store.
I’ll just talk about our youngest son. He was born in 1983, so just turned 35. Perhaps there are new approaches to diagnoses and treatment, but I’ll just tell you my experience.
His main symptom was the inability to absorb and retain information. He had to repeat kindergarten because he could not remember his letter people. Later, he had trouble finishing tests. He knew the material, but would rethink every answer and not finish all the questions in time.
He could never remember the months of the year in order. I wonder if he can now?
He took tae kwon do, but had a very hard time remembering the order of the forms.
If I gave him a series of instructions...go to the store, pick up some milk, and bread, he probably wouldn’t remember to even go to the store.
So he was evaluated by the school psychologist and his teachers in first or second grade and the diagnosis was ADD. The pediatrician prescribed Ritalin and it really helped him in school.
The medicine allowed him to focus.
By the time he reached high school, it was apparent that the meds were stunting his growth, and he didn’t like the way it made him feel. He was by that time a varsity baseball and basketball player so he decided that he wasn’t going to take it anymore, so he could grow. By this time, he had learned some coping skills for dealing with the ADD. He struggled with some subjects, but managed a B average in high school and then graduated from college.
Bottom line, the medicine is a very good tool, and perhaps they have non narcotic alternatives now.
A structured environment is very good for those with ADD. Both my son and stepson have thrived and excelled in the military, I suppose because of the structure.
Now, my son is 6’4” and probably career Army. The branch that he’s in requires him to learn a foreign language. This does not come easily for him, because of the memorization. He wishes he could take Ritalin now, but it is not allowed.
"Boys with ADHD who were treated with stimulants for three or more months had a later growth spurt than boys who didn't take these drugs, but there was no difference in the size of the growth spurt, the researchers noted."
My son is 11, has been on stimulants for around 5 years and is 5'1" already. Weight is a different story but that's the appetite suppressant part working.
"Boys with ADHD who were treated with stimulants for three or more months had a later growth spurt than boys who didn't take these drugs, but there was no difference in the size of the growth spurt, the researchers noted."
My son is 11, has been on stimulants for around 5 years and is 5'1" already. Weight is a different story but that's the appetite suppressant part working.
My son has been on Concerta for almost two years. His weight and height is within normal percentiles for his age.
"Boys with ADHD who were treated with stimulants for three or more months had a later growth spurt than boys who didn't take these drugs, but there was no difference in the size of the growth spurt, the researchers noted."
My son is 11, has been on stimulants for around 5 years and is 5'1" already. Weight is a different story but that's the appetite suppressant part working.
Yes, i agree that the meds “stunted his growth” by causing him to have no appetite. Once he stopped taking the meds, he started eating and growing.
But, if you are willing to share your experiences and plan of action, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you in advance!
Read Amelia Bedelia as a refresher. That's a good start. You change how you perceive him with MUCH discussion along the way.
Think of your own boundaries and then think of his... no matter what he WANTS to do, he lives in a world where no one else is going to care about that. Be matter-of-fact about this. As much as the modern world appears to provide accommodation for "special needs," other people do not deserve poor treatment - no matter his "behavioral hiccups" - and it will not be tolerated in the long term. I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth. The sooner he adjusts to the ultimate expectation, the better... setting a target and moving it constantly, increasing expectations, will be far more upsetting. He will feel deceived and in a way, he'll be right.
Start using natural consequences and being very clear about decided consequences, but keep them related to the poor behavior. It can never be about the parent "winning;" it's about him learning to adjust his reactions and control himself. Consequences, explained clearly and thoroughly beforehand, are a great motivator, even if he doesn't WANT to do something. "Do the thing you don't want to do or this worse thing WILL HAPPEN, no matter how upset you are about it." (Not doing homework and being disruptive will lead to doing this grade over again. There is no yelling or stomping your way out of this... you do this year correctly or you will do this ENTIRE year over again, with younger children. Do you want that? NO? Okay- let's see how I can help you do this...)
And I want to stress again being very, very clear with your language. He cannot intuit what you mean, no matter how obvious it seems to everyone else. Do not demand blind obedience but explain everything. For example, "Would you like to hang up your coat now?" implies that he has a choice. It's a question. A simple, respectfully stated expectation like "It's time to hang up our coats now" works very well, isn't combative, and doesn't make him feel singled out.
When I lose my temper with my son, I tell him I need to walk away for a minute - we both need time apart from each other - then I come back and apologize. "I had a right to be frustrated but not to treat you poorly for it; I'm sorry." This kind of thing, especially at first, softened him up quite a bit. He picked up on this and does the same thing when he loses his temper... he catches it, goes off to collect himself, we talk it out if we have to, and move on.
Last edited by LieslMet; 02-01-2018 at 02:57 PM..
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