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Old Today, 07:54 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
74,286 posts, read 65,945,931 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
The kids I see going wrong are mostly from uninvolved parents. Or abusive parents.
Not strict or loose or whatever.
That's what I was getting at, earlier. There are a lot of parents out there, who either are too wrapped around their own relationship (or relationship drama) or social whirl, or who simply don't understand how important bonding with a child (beginning in infancy) and maintaining that bond, is.
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Old Today, 07:58 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I think you need to define what you mean by strict or not strict.

My understanding is that many in prison had abusive parents or parents who had no idea what they were up to (or who didn't care what they were up to), not strict parents. And of course, many had normal parents who did care and who did keep tabs, but things went awry somewhere either during childhood or later, during adulthood.

I would say that we are fairly strict in the sense that we need to know where our kids are and roughly what they are doing. I say "roughly" because my kids are teens, so obviously they don't need to report every action to me. But we still know where they are, in general, and who they are with. They do not go to parties and they can't just go off with friends who we don't know or to some undisclosed location. My 17-year-old is still expected to check in when he leaves places in certain circumstances. For example, this weekend he is staying with a friend. I don't need a text if they decide to go have lunch at Chik Fil A or if they go to see a movie, but if they all decided to stay over at a different friend's house, then we do need to know that. Also, he's not allowed to go with teen drivers unless we know who it is and where they are going and when they will be back. Around town with a location in mind, like "we are going bowling and then we might get something to eat and then we will be back," is fine. "We are thinking about going to spend the day in Tampa," is not fine. A car full of teenage boys with no destination or plan is an accident or mischief waiting to happen, IMO. And we do have Life360 on everyone's phone so we can check if needed. I do check periodically and there has never been a time when the kids were anywhere other than where they said they were going to be.

Maybe others see us as not strict because we don't care what the kids wear (within the limits of acceptable for the occasion), if they dye their hair weird colors (my daughter's is currently teal and purple), or if they decide to stay up until 2:00 am and sleep until 11 (we homeschool). They can also keep their bedrooms quite messy before my husband or I will step in and insist that they clean up. Also, we very rarely used physical discipline with them when they were small (and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't do so at all) and they don't really get grounded or anything now. We can usually work out a way for them to do what they want to do in a way that is mutually acceptable, so there haven't been any real transgressions that would need to result in any type of punishment. Sometimes my son won't get all of his work done and he will need to do it before whatever it is he was planning on doing, but that's just a natural consequence, not us imposing a punishment on him.

So far, there are no indications that either will become a degenerate adult, but I'll keep you posted.
Nave to believe teenagers. Most of them lie. If you have the one that doesn't, congrats!
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Old Today, 08:18 PM
Status: "Epiphany Season" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,598 posts, read 99,944,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
That's what I was getting at, earlier. There are a lot of parents out there, who either are too wrapped around their own relationship (or relationship drama) or social whirl, or who simply don't understand how important bonding with a child (beginning in infancy) and maintaining that bond, is.
Always blame the parents.
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