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Old 01-07-2019, 10:34 PM
 
6,051 posts, read 3,239,585 times
Reputation: 16042

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
..I always think you should finish the season because it teaches the kid that commitment matters, and you finish what you start.
This was always our rule. You didn't have to sign up, but if you did you finished out the season.
I do understand where you're coming from. One of the biggest things that would irritate me was "daddy ball" where the coach's kids and friends kids got the majority of playing time vs the other kids on the team. It breaks your heart to watch your kid ridding the pine when you know he's as good as any kid out there. It's one thing when you're talking about a high end travel team or school team, but at that age the purpose is to teach the kids how to play and they aren't learning when they're sitting on the bench.


What does happen at that age is some kids are just a bit stronger/faster than the others and it appears to the coach they are better. And so the coaches give those kids more play time and adulation. Then five years later the other kids have caught up and the kids who got actual coaching have developed and the heroes of the 8 year old team aren't any more. What's sad is the kids who don't get good coaching because they get stuck with a "daddy ball" coach.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
604 posts, read 489,763 times
Reputation: 1825
Don’t - I repeat - don’t talk to the coach. There are people you can never have a rational conversation with.

I would leave him in to finish the season. Kids need to learn sooner or later that sometimes circumstances suck but you have to work through them. As long as this guy doesn’t cross a line with your son, leave him in.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:28 AM
 
3,547 posts, read 2,543,725 times
Reputation: 5649
Update: So a neighbor manages another team in a different flag football league and has offered to accept my son onto his team, assuring me it's nothing like his current coach/team. I know this guy and he's basically the polar opposite to "The General" coach we currently have. So I have decided to transfer him to the new team. I feel like this is the best option for us for a number of reasons:

1. We're not "quitting", per se. Simply moving to a new team.
2. He will actually get to play vs. sitting on the bench watching 70% of the game.
3. Son will get better at football by, you know, actually playing.
4. Dad will not lose his mind watching games where his son does absolutely nothing for the entire hour.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,651 posts, read 3,259,990 times
Reputation: 9334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
That was always our rule too, if you sign up to play, you finish the season. However, we've dealt with our share of jerk coaches, and know playing under one can ruin the entire experience and turn kids off ever playing again.

Under the current circumstances, I would follow your son's lead. If and when he says he doesn't want to finish the season, I'd be ok with it. Rec sports should be both inclusive and fun.
This. I don't really subscribe to the notion that every kid has to play out every season of every activity they start. We don't hold adults to that standard. If you start a yoga class and pay for three months and you hate it, you just stop going. How many people sign up for a yearly membership to the gym and go exactly two times? This is a recreational team, not a high school team or a traveling team.

Now if your son enjoys it and would rather go even if he's sitting on the sidelines, that's fine, encourage him to do that (while you continue to complain about the coaching behind the scenes). If he doesn't like it, though, no harm in just pulling him out.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:39 AM
 
3,547 posts, read 2,543,725 times
Reputation: 5649
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
This. I don't really subscribe to the notion that every kid has to play out every season of every activity they start. We don't hold adults to that standard. If you start a yoga class and pay for three months and you hate it, you just stop going. How many people sign up for a yearly membership to the gym and go exactly two times? This is a recreational team, not a high school team or a traveling team.

Now if your son enjoys it and would rather go even if he's sitting on the sidelines, that's fine, encourage him to do that (while you continue to complain about the coaching behind the scenes). If he doesn't like it, though, no harm in just pulling him out.
I did actually ask my son if he preferred to stay on the current team with The General as coach or if he preferred to switch to the new kinder/gentler team. He very enthusiastically stated he wanted to go to the new team. This is a league we've played in before that is far less competitive and truly all about fun for the kids, so I think this is a perfect fit for him currently.

Now, do I let "The General" know that he'll no longer be on his team or simply ghost them and not show up for the rest of the season? I have an urge to send him a short email with the reasons why we're leaving but in the end, it won't do anything so I am leaning towards not saying anything and simply no longer attending any games/practices.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:41 AM
 
1,451 posts, read 857,383 times
Reputation: 3319
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
This. I don't really subscribe to the notion that every kid has to play out every season of every activity they start. We don't hold adults to that standard. If you start a yoga class and pay for three months and you hate it, you just stop going. How many people sign up for a yearly membership to the gym and go exactly two times? This is a recreational team, not a high school team or a traveling team.

Now if your son enjoys it and would rather go even if he's sitting on the sidelines, that's fine, encourage him to do that (while you continue to complain about the coaching behind the scenes). If he doesn't like it, though, no harm in just pulling him out.

I agree with this. I wouldn't make my kids stick through a recreational activity that isn't enjoyable. It's just not important.


I get the idea of teaching kids to stick with things, but I think it's also important to teach context. Take important things very seriously, but let the small things slide. Like if a kid wanted to study for an exam and miss a soccer practice, I would support that decision. But would not support skipping a soccer practice to hang out with friends. Etc.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,286 posts, read 22,430,961 times
Reputation: 35953
I think you absolutely let him know - that's basic courtesy. Just say it's a better fit for your family and more of what you expected in a rec league.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,651 posts, read 3,259,990 times
Reputation: 9334
Yes, definitely let them know. I'd write the email with the list of issues. You have nothing to lose and who knows? Maybe if they are losing players, they'll make changes for the other kids.
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Old 01-08-2019, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,593 posts, read 10,565,981 times
Reputation: 28911
Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014 View Post
Update: So a neighbor manages another team in a different flag football league and has offered to accept my son onto his team, assuring me it's nothing like his current coach/team. I know this guy and he's basically the polar opposite to "The General" coach we currently have. So I have decided to transfer him to the new team. I feel like this is the best option for us for a number of reasons:

1. We're not "quitting", per se. Simply moving to a new team.
2. He will actually get to play vs. sitting on the bench watching 70% of the game.
3. Son will get better at football by, you know, actually playing.
4. Dad will not lose his mind watching games where his son does absolutely nothing for the entire hour.
Perfect!

As I was reading, my question was going to be whether you could switch to another team, so I'm very glad that is how it worked out.

As far as The General, other than letting him know your son will no longer be on that team, I would not engage directly with him, it's just not worth it. However, I would give feedback to the league about why you left, if asked.
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Old 01-08-2019, 11:00 AM
 
3,547 posts, read 2,543,725 times
Reputation: 5649
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Perfect!

As I was reading, my question was going to be whether you could switch to another team, so I'm very glad that is how it worked out.

As far as The General, other than letting him know your son will no longer be on that team, I would not engage directly with him, it's just not worth it. However, I would give feedback to the league about why you left, if asked.
I decided to send The General a short and non-confrontational email letting him know my son would no longer be on his team due to his inability to adhere to the league's mandated rotational guidelines. I also let the league commissioner know and pressed him to reconsider allowing The General to coach in their youth league going forward.

The General's response? "Thanks for letting me know."
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