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1/2 mil is for K1-12 combined. But yes, wife wants it, and it looks like it's inching that way.
Had the first serious discussion. Wife said "I leave it to you", but made it as if the son's life is being short changed if I don't support going to private school. Tears were shed. Kind of hard to have a frank discussion on the material pros and cons of the options and harder to say no.
Isn't it too late to apply for this coming fall?
Your wife is already short-changing your son. He's not there to boost her up for standing among other mothers. Planning to guilt trip him and all is recipe for disaster. She's supposed to be boosting him by helping son figure what he wants his path to be. The manipulative tactics need to go before you have a real discussion between the 3 of you.
P.S. I will come down on the public school side because I think the boy will benefit more while also avoiding the chance of guilt-tripping from Mom... who needs to lighten up.
And OP needs to ignore her tears, which seem a bit suspicious to me.
How to tell a desire to go to private school is for legitimate reasons, rather than just trying to keep up with the Jones?
That school is there for people that need a place to send their child and want the best with no money objective. The education is good. The competition is easier and they'll be around students all with the same outcome. At least, that's the story. The reality is half will be trying to launch their kids there to become friends with the bigwigs there.
If I could afford it without honestly caring much about the money....sure, why not? If that's a price tag I honestly would need to work on to afford year after year....go with public. Let the kid get his/her butt kicked by the child geniuses who are the upper worker crust. The parents will do half the work for competition, but that's part of the education for this part anyway.
If a kid goes to private school from K1 to K12, at the rate we paid, it would be 480K -- the cost of a small house. I wonder whether it is more beneficial to the kid to spend this money on K1-12 private school's incremental benefit, or to just give the kid this sum or a house when the kid gets out of college.
What I would do, and what people do here frequently (because MA public schools are among the top in the country) is take that $480K and sell our current house and buy a home in a town with an excellent, top rated school system. When kid graduates, sell the house and take your profits. If you want some additional help, consider hiring a tutor on a regular basis
As someone who went to a private, catholic HS, your son's ultimate success will be dictated by decisions he makes well after HS is over. Networking and a good internship or two during college will go a lot further in helping his career than what HS he went too.
Sometimes fellow wives can be defensive of wives' views, and same for husbands.... I actually want people's opinions without those potential subconscious influences.
Anyway my wife is for going to private school. She occupies the moral high ground "don't be cheap with kids's education" but does have her reasoning:
1. Wife believes private school provides a more rigorous curriculum. I know this is a debatable and subjective topic; I will just say I agree at least in the sense that my kid's current private school gives a lot of homework, and constantly has activities even during this Covid period, doing Zoom classes everyday.
2. Private schools filter in kids that are focused on learning, either willingly or are forced by their parents. I am wording this as delicately as I can, since this is an even more politically sensitive topic. By contrast, our local public schools seem to be pre-occupied with a lot of other stuff. For example, our nearest public elementary school has a busing program busing in poorer neighborhood kids to achieve a certain mix in the class. I don't know if this occurs at high school level, but either way public high schools are bound to have a lot of kids who have no intention of further studying and are there just because that's required by the law.
3. Our kid is not self-motivating; he needs that extra attention and push.
4. She feel we can sell a property to fund this.
I incline toward public school because:
1. Private school is very expensive. We have another son who will be going to private middle school too; tuition adds up quickly. Our money is all invested; if we are to do this, some changes needs to be made. I have heard of selling a house to fund college; but high school?!
2. This one happens to be a Catholic school. I am not religious, my wife is a casual Christian, are we even in the right religion? My kid already went to Catholic middle school; he had to devote time to studying religious theories; a lot of paper have to reference the bible. I think those are times that can be devote to something more useful for college prep.
3. The public school being ranked in the 90 percentile, I wonder how big the incremental benefit there is.
4. Being mediocre in a rigorous program may not be as attractive to college admission people as being the top 5% of a decent public school. This I have firsthand experience - I went to one of the worst high schools in town, was in many advance classes, and made it to Berkeley. Getting into the best colleges these days requires a very good strategy rather than just blindly getting into the most rigorous program.
That is correct. It’s an example of small fish in a big pond. There’s no guarantee your son will be motivated enough to perform at the level to warrant $42k/year tuition. What happens if he’s still a mediocre student at the end of his high school career? If he’s not self-motivated, there’s a good chance he won’t be self-motivated throughout his high school career, or he’ll slowly lose motivation when the novelty or newness wears off and he becomes more comfortable with his normal routines.
Quote:
Our kid has pros and cons for each school:
1. Public school has a stronger tennis program, which is his sport of choice. He is good enough to play in tournaments and want to continue to play.
2. Private school has a very nice 68 acre campus.
3. His best friend from elementary school will be going to the same public high school, and his best friend from middle school will be going to the same private school.
4. He has stated he doesn't want parents to spend so much money (maybe because my wife keep reminding him "we're spending so much money so you better study hard...")
Everyone has a position on this, but are open. No one wants to be the one twisting arms. So, a bit hard to weigh these all out and make a logical, final decision.
There are a few schools in my region (NorCal) that offer the IB MYP and IB DP. The DP is a rigorous program, and high-achieving students that perform well have more opportunities to attend selective colleges. I think the IB program is a great fit for many smart and high-achieving students. There are public schools that offer a wide range of challenging AP courses. I just don’t see the need for paying that kind of money toward a private school when there are great options in your kid’s school system.
My oldest briefly considered the idea of attending a boarding school for part of high school. (in SoCal) This particular school fit our educational model and had everything she wanted. She was also in the IB MYP for part of middle school. She was going to continue on to the high school program and DP, but she didn’t feel challenged (and other reasons) enough and we considered other options. A team of educators and administrators in our district started a new school, an independent study high school, with a college-like model. It’s an “unschool” high school. It was the ideal school. Our dream school for her and our other children. We absolutely love it. I can’t say that enough. But...it is the kind of school that requires a lot of self-motivation and discipline. Their entire learning modeling is brilliant. I can’t say the boarding school option would surpass what is offered at her school. It would be a different overall experience, but we have no regrets choosing the option we went with.
I’m not saying private schools are inherently a waste, but at that price, plus your admission that your son isn’t that motivated, and the fact that your neighborhood high school meets high standards, it would seem like a big gamble.
A public HS in the 90th percentile has rigorous college prep courses and usually courses that also earn college credit. Most also have a much greater selection of elective courses than private schools. I would save the $ to help your child in college or later on get started in business, home downpayment, etc.
The alternative is a CA public high school that ranks in the 90 percentile.
No doubt, private high school will deliver a more rigorous curriculum. I am wondering if the difference justifies the spending.
If you think a higher ranked private school will somehow make your kid smarter or more equipped for college, stop now and save yourself the money. You can't buy smart, hard-working, or successful kids.
Students tend to be better in better schools because they're largely attended by children of parents who want their children to do better and provide the resources to enable that child to do better. The children (and parents they're born to) make the schools good, not the other way around.
There's plenty of dumb-as-a-doorknob adults from top-ranked private schools and plenty of smart adults from terrible schools (many of whom run circles around smart adults from great schools).
It’s all about the demographics. If the demographics in a public school are comfortable for your child, send him or her to public school. If we had school choice, it would be a different story. 45K is a lot of money to spend on something that probably won’t make much of a difference in your child’s life (outside of social setting). School is about getting grades and taking tests; it has nothing to do with cultivating intellect or learnings. Why make your child’s life harder with a more rigorous curriculum that is busywork. If your kid does well, he or she can advance to a top college going to any good public school if that is the route he or she wants to take. Socialization is important. If the demographics in the public school aren’t appealing, then consider private school or moving.
Sometimes fellow wives can be defensive of wives' views, and same for husbands.... I actually want people's opinions without those potential subconscious influences.
Anyway my wife is for going to private school. She occupies the moral high ground "don't be cheap with kids's education" but does have her reasoning:
1. Wife believes private school provides a more rigorous curriculum. I know this is a debatable and subjective topic; I will just say I agree at least in the sense that my kid's current private school gives a lot of homework, and constantly has activities even during this Covid period, doing Zoom classes everyday.
2. Private schools filter in kids that are focused on learning, either willingly or are forced by their parents. I am wording this as delicately as I can, since this is an even more politically sensitive topic. By contrast, our local public schools seem to be pre-occupied with a lot of other stuff. For example, our nearest public elementary school has a busing program busing in poorer neighborhood kids to achieve a certain mix in the class. I don't know if this occurs at high school level, but either way public high schools are bound to have a lot of kids who have no intention of further studying and are there just because that's required by the law.
3. Our kid is not self-motivating; he needs that extra attention and push.
4. She feel we can sell a property to fund this.
I incline toward public school because:
1. Private school is very expensive. We have another son who will be going to private middle school too; tuition adds up quickly. Our money is all invested; if we are to do this, some changes needs to be made. I have heard of selling a house to fund college; but high school?!
2. This one happens to be a Catholic school. I am not religious, my wife is a casual Christian, are we even in the right religion? My kid already went to Catholic middle school; he had to devote time to studying religious theories; a lot of paper have to reference the bible. I think those are times that can be devote to something more useful for college prep.
3. The public school being ranked in the 90 percentile, I wonder how big the incremental benefit there is.
4. Being mediocre in a rigorous program may not be as attractive to college admission people as being the top 5% of a decent public school. This I have firsthand experience - I went to one of the worst high schools in town, was in many advance classes, and made it to Berkeley. Getting into the best colleges these days requires a very good strategy rather than just blindly getting into the most rigorous program.
Our kid has pros and cons for each school:
1. Public school has a stronger tennis program, which is his sport of choice. He is good enough to play in tournaments and want to continue to play.
2. Private school has a very nice 68 acre campus.
3. His best friend from elementary school will be going to the same public high school, and his best friend from middle school will be going to the same private school.
4. He has stated he doesn't want parents to spend so much money (maybe because my wife keep reminding him "we're spending so much money so you better study hard...")
Everyone has a position on this, but are open. No one wants to be the one twisting arms. So, a bit hard to weigh these all out and make a logical, final decision.
So a conclusion to this story. Due to the pandemic situation, the private school in question gave us until June 30 to decide if the kid will go there. We took right up to June 30 to decide.
In the 4-5 discussions leading up to the final deadline, everyone took the predicted position. Often it was emotional. Wife basically presented the choice as "getting more attention" or "being with a bunch of druggies".
I did not want to be the person who bear the accusation of "prohibited" or "did not support" the kid going to private school. So I left the decision to wife. I simply made the option available to her. I was prepared to sell some asset to finance it if she decided to go with private.
However, I wanted to make sure both of us share this burden to the best of our abilities. In another word I want to check that wife is also giving all she can. I asked to understand her finances (we keep separate finances). Essentially, I was conducting a high level audit on her. On one side I ask to understand her income and expenses, on the other hand, I asked for detailed tuition schedule. Previously I had being paying the kids' private middle school tuition just as she demanded, without questions. I suspect there might be inflated numbers here and there. For example, it there really tuition during summer break? (who can shed some light on this?)
I don't know whether this exercise had anything to do with the decision. Before the exercise was complete, wife made the decision to go with public school. She made the decision on her own, and she replied to the school herself.
After the decision, she explained to me and our kid, that this is the right thing to do, for A, B, C... X, Y, & Z reasons. Not that I need any explanation from her; but I thought it was important to dispel from my son's mind the idea that public school is lesser of an education. As someone not religious, my take on this is that he will be getting a more normal education; he will have the option of devoting his time to things more critical to his college application.
This was not the very end of the story. The next day, wife was having 2nd thoughts. She kept asking me whether I agree this is the right decision, and started to argue that during the pandemic the public school with 2000+ kids, will be more risky than the 500-kid private school. She asked if it was too late to contact the school to see if the decision can be reversed.
At this point I stepped in and killed the idea of contacting the school to check. My reason was, if we ask and the seat is no longer available, then we would have left a final impression that we did not get our first choice and the kid may be getting a lesser education. I felt we should not risk that outcome.
It was then that the decision was finally final.
My philosophy has always been, that we want to do the best analysis before a decision, and once a decision is made, we charge forward to make it work; we don't look back or second guess. I honest believe going to the toughest high school is not necessarily the surest way to get into best colleges. Being top 5% of a 90 percentile public high school may have a better chance than say placing middle of a tougher private program. But that's all water under the bridge now. From here and on, we are focused on producing the most competitive college application in 3 years.
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