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I am by no means a perfect parent. I wonder sometimes what has happened to common sense when it comes to parenting. From the little things like making you child pour his/her own juice by the time they start school to expecting your child to actually be held accountable for their own homework and assignments.
I see so many parents (not just here, but other places) wringing their hands because their child won't do this or their child acts inapporprately in this situation. When did we give control over to the child?
I am not even talking about dicipline.... it is about respect, honor, compassion, and understanding. We no longer teach the child that they are responsible for what they do.... that sometimes bad things happen and it's nobody's fault.... that if you don't achieve a goal, it is not up to the parents to go fighting with officials to "give" you this reward. Sometimes life sucks, nobody promised you life would be fair.... why aren't we preparing our youth for these realities?
My mom's answer to the question is that common sense left parenting in 1980. Not sure why she came up with that but she insists the 80's are to blame for everything. She says that after 1980 people everywhere took respect and common sense and tossed it out the window. I would say my mom is strange but she usually ends up being right about everything even though it pains me to admit it. What can I say, she is an old fashioned southern woman. They know things.
I do not have an answer for you but I do have a story.
I am a day care provider and I take infants to preschool and we work here on social skills including independence. As most of you with small children know, it is a big deal when a 2-3 year old learns to put on their own shoes and socks and jackets.
Jackets are a big thing and I had a three year old who was so proud of herself because she achieved this goal and Dad came to pick her up. She couldn't wait to show him what she did but he was in a hurry and he tried to zip her up and she started crying as she wanted to show him and he looked at me and snapped I am tired of you traumatizing my child...it is easier if I do it.
When you have a society that thinks that it is all about "me" they produce children who cannot function properly. When a parent cannot recognize how important the little things are.
If the parents have no manners neither will the kids.
I don't know that it can be pinned down to one decade but somewhere along the line the concept of shame went out the window and then the concept of "it's all about me" came along, followed by ostentatious greed (OK that may have been the 80s!) and "it's not my fault/responsiblity". Add all of those things together and here we are... it crept up on us little by little...
My mom's answer to the question is that common sense left parenting in 1980. Not sure why she came up with that but she insists the 80's are to blame for everything. She says that after 1980 people everywhere took respect and common sense and tossed it out the window. I would say my mom is strange but she usually ends up being right about everything even though it pains me to admit it. What can I say, she is an old fashioned southern woman. They know things.
This is a great reply. Your mother did a good job.
I don't know that it can be pinned down to one decade but somewhere along the line the concept of shame went out the window and then the concept of "it's all about me" came along, followed by ostentatious greed (OK that may have been the 80s!) and "it's not my fault/responsiblity". Add all of those things together and here we are... it crept up on us little by little...
And this is the very same reason our country is in such bad shape.
It started with the little things; kids calling adults by their first names in the community, at school, parents' friends, etc., parents thinking they should be able to run stop lights, etc. and the kids seeing that rules don't apply to the parent, and they don't apply to the child, and the kids all seeing how parents act like their time is the only time that counts, etc.. Entitlement.
Kids have been pacified with too much property because their parents work and don't have the time to give them for nurturing. Entitlement.
Kids micromanaged to the point they don't have a minute to themselves to be kids, make mistakes, get mad and get over it, invent their own fun, do their own problem-solving, play outside, etc..
Adults (at home and at school) have taken the job of over-managing EVERY aspect of a child's life. Kids are told how to feel, what to say, how to act, where to be every minute of every day, etc.. It has taken on a life of it's own.
The only thing kids need to learn anymore, is how to be clay for any adult that is in their lives. Keep their mouths shut, but always say the right thing, don't do anything that isn't approved by the adult, but always do the right thing.
Common sense doesn't exist anymore when it comes to parenting. Or at least it's becoming extinct.
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