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We no longer teach the child that they are responsible for what they do.... that sometimes bad things happen and it's nobody's fault.... that if you don't achieve a goal, it is not up to the parents to go fighting with officials to "give" you this reward. Sometimes life sucks, nobody promised you life would be fair.... why aren't we preparing our youth for these realities?
Too many parents are too worried what every other parent is doing.
Too many people in this society are willing to blame everyone else for their problems, which include issues they have with their children.
It's no longer 1950, 1960, 1970, or 1980. Everyone wants to compare TODAY to what IT WAS LIKE.
Parents also need to adapt to what is current in this world. This in no way means that parents need to compromise their beliefs.
Stop blaming children for something that is not their fault. Take charge of what is NOW. Give your children a clean slate to grow as they need & do not expect them to meet every expectation you have of them b/c that's how YOU did it. Again, this does not mean not to have expectations or allow for every mistake in the book. Guess it's just common sense parenting
Not fair to our children who can't comprehend something they never lived through or with, etc.
Be the parent you want to be. No parent is perfect. No parent has made 110% right answers. We all mess up & sometimes really bad.
Your kids want to know is that they are loved by you (they need to hear it), that you are CONSISTENT with them, that they are safe in their home (basic needs are met), and that you are proud of them.
Life isn't fair, but it's good. That is the theme in my life & family.
When you are faced with a problem, overcome it. Mom & Dad are here to help. We are not here to fix the problem (common sense applied), but we are always here to help.
Most parents are afraid of their own kids. They want to be buddies!
While in conversation with this one woman, she casually mentioned ds yellling at her, and just kept rolling on, as if it's no biggie.. kinda like a normal occurance. Please..nobody yells at big mamma in my house!
Besides, people care more about "keeping up with the Joneses" than parenting!
Yes, but the thing that always gets me is....would these people have 'friends' who treat them as badly as they allow their own children to treat them? Mostly not, but there are some pretty weak minded people around who don't mind being a doormat for everybody and their cousin.
I expect a lot from my kids, I told DS the other day that if was my employee he would be fired (for something he 'forgot' do, he's been having that problem often lately), but since he is my kid he can just be my slave for the weekend in the hopes that he won't 'forget' to take care of his responsibilities again. I think he'd rather just be fired...LOL
Too many parents are too worried what every other parent is doing.
Too many people in this society are willing to blame everyone else for their problems, which include issues they have with their children.
It's no longer 1950, 1960, 1970, or 1980. Everyone wants to compare TODAY to what IT WAS LIKE.
Parents also need to adapt to what is current in this world. This in no way means that parents need to compromise their beliefs.
Stop blaming children for something that is not their fault. Take charge of what is NOW. Give your children a clean slate to grow as they need & do not expect them to meet every expectation you have of them b/c that's how YOU did it. Again, this does not mean not to have expectations or allow for every mistake in the book. Guess it's just common sense parenting
Not fair to our children who can't comprehend something they never lived through or with, etc.
Be the parent you want to be. No parent is perfect. No parent has made 110% right answers. We all mess up & sometimes really bad.
Your kids want to know is that they are loved by you (they need to hear it), that you are CONSISTENT with them, that they are safe in their home (basic needs are met), and that you are proud of them.
Life isn't fair, but it's good. That is the theme in my life & family.
When you are faced with a problem, overcome it. Mom & Dad are here to help. We are not here to fix the problem (common sense applied), but we are always here to help.
I live in the modern world. I am no way shape or form stuck in the past. I demand respect and in return give respect. I love them all, tell them often, show them by spending time and reprimanding them. I can't count how many times I've told one of the kids that "I'm not angry, I am just trying to teach you that (insert offense here.... example.. you need to make sure your teeth are brushed) that is what a momma is for...." I do not expect the kids to live in my generation, but I do expect them to live in this world.... a world that is not here to cater to them and their desires. I am not raising kids... I am raising three future adults.
121804, I think we are on the same page, just different approaches.
121804, I think we are on the same page, just different approaches.
We are
I think too that as parents, it does a parent good to hear/see/experience different approaches. To insist that your way is the only/right way is not allowing yourself to grow as a parent. Again, common sense applies to this statement. It's not a blanket statement by any means...
An example of not adapting to change: Voters in our city who state they are not voting for the school levy (which is mainly about bussing) b/c when they went to school they walked. They seem to think that elementary school walking on a very busy main road that does not have sidewalks is safe.... THAT is the mindset I am referring to...inability & refusal to adapt to modern society based on the past & this is actually detrimental to children.
Rockinmomma, I wasn't using "you" to specifically refer to YOU, but I think you got it.
I am not raising kids... I am raising three future adults
If more people thought this way it would help immensely! I can never understand adults who don't enjoy being around their own kids...aren't you raising them to be people you WANT to be around?
Quote:
Your kids want to know is that they are loved by you (they need to hear it), that you are CONSISTENT with them, that they are safe in their home (basic needs are met), and that you are proud of them.
Can I also add they need to know that you are there for them and still love them when they screw up - 'cause mark my words, they will screw up. Despite our best efforts they will make some bad choices and they need to feel safe coming to you (not to fix but to guide)....
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-23-2009 at 04:29 PM..
Reason: additional thought
I agree!!! What has happened to good old common sense? As a preschool teacher I am shocked at the behavior of these children. They have no respect whatsoever for adults. I would NEVER have dreamt of talking to an adult the way 3's and 4's talk to me. When my parents asked me if I had a good day, they meant,"Did I have a good time?" Now it means "Were you a good boy/girl today?"; "Were you respectful to your teacher?" My parents never had to ask me if I was "good" or "respectful--it was a given. These days parents give their children rewards for being good at school. WHY!?! If I was ever disrespectful to ANY adult I would have been given something alright--and I promise you it wasn't a special reward. I had fun, loving, supportive,wonderful parents who were also very strict. Thank goodness for that!!! As for my own children, I have always been told what good and sweet kids they are. They are not always angels at home but they know exactly how to behave out in public.
I am by no means a perfect parent. I wonder sometimes what has happened to common sense when it comes to parenting. From the little things like making you child pour his/her own juice by the time they start school to expecting your child to actually be held accountable for their own homework and assignments.
I see so many parents (not just here, but other places) wringing their hands because their child won't do this or their child acts inapporprately in this situation. When did we give control over to the child?
I am not even talking about dicipline.... it is about respect, honor, compassion, and understanding. We no longer teach the child that they are responsible for what they do.... that sometimes bad things happen and it's nobody's fault.... that if you don't achieve a goal, it is not up to the parents to go fighting with officials to "give" you this reward. Sometimes life sucks, nobody promised you life would be fair.... why aren't we preparing our youth for these realities?
Did you ever read the Little House books, or see the TV show? Remember Nellie Olsen? She had a little brother, Willie, who was worse. These are fictional characters, of course, but they were based on real people, and every one of us remembers little hellions from our youth. When I was eight, a six-year-old boy named Silas attacked me with stick and slashed me enough to make me bleed in more than one place. His mother couldn't control him and he was six. This was 30 years ago. Nellie Olsen was 130 years ago. Spoiled, unruly, unmanageable brats have always existed, and they will always exist. You just see more of them now because you have an adult perspective and there are probably a lot more people around you.
I totally agree with you but it's also about the stimuli around kids these days - the age of swiping instead of reading and turning pages, how cursive is no longer taught in schools (because we have laptops and e-sigs!), even TV shows that don't even teach a lesson anymore. It's all about violence and/or sarcasm - Kick Buttowski, Power Rangers, The Amazing World of Gumball, etc., "kids" shows that last only 25 minutes and involve explosions, kicking someone's butt, dominating someone with colors, noises, characters zinging all over the screen vs. an hour-long show that keeps your interest, and *calmly* tells a fable that can be applied not only in childhood but in adulthood!
I do have a quandary of my own and I am having a hard time teaching it. How do you teach respect for one's elders? My kids, especially my older one, does think he knows everything (he actually said to his little brother "I'm the genius of everything" which would've been funny except I know he really thinks it's true) and questions me all the time. Questioning is part of childhood but match that with rolling eyes (which his little brother is now learning) and an exasperated sigh, I'm ready to lop his head off. DH and I correct his behavior with discussions, discipline, whatever, and he still doesn't really understand what "respect" really means ("I do what you say" - but that's not even it). Any advice on this?
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and just kept rolling on, as if it's no biggie.. kinda like a normal occurance.
Please..nobody yells at big mamma in my house!
Parenting Common Sense
