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Sounds good in theory - I have quite a few friends who mentioned this. I also know that the majority of these same people are either a) upset because they still have to work (not close to retirement) and can't spend enough time with their grandkids, or b) had to give up a career during their most profitable years to care for grandkids, or c) their kids moved away and their jobs won't let them follow, since to leave them now would be silly.
My mother is in her early 50s, and is a complete wreck.. out of shape, obese, looks to be in her 60s. My MIL is in her mid 60s, and aside from an injury (that happens to people young and old) is in great shape. Even better, my husband's uncle is nearing his late 60s, and the guy is slim, bikes 30 miles a day, and will be over to help paint our house in a few weeks. He has incredible energy, and my son chases him all over the house when he visits. Speaking for myself, I have more energy now than I did when I was in college, probably because I eat better and exercise. My kid, who is quite active, does not wear me out in the slightest, nor do my best friend's twin 3 year old boys when I watch them. You can be young, and out of shape, and not be able to keep up with your kids either.
Incidentally, you can vacation as a couple when you have kids as well. My husband and I are planning a trip to Europe in a few years, when I feel a little more comfortable leaving the kids with a grandparent, or better, their aunt and uncle. We'll be in our late 30s, hardly "old." One of the advantages of having kids in your 30s is that if you planned things right, you had a decade+ more time to build your career and make money, so taking a second honeymoon isn't exactly breaking the bank, and you can still afford to vacation with your kids as well (not to mention, actually having the vacation time instead of a measly two weeks). Try thinking beyond your situation.
d) absolutely loving their "second adulthood"
My kids both live in different states than me because that is where there career took them and I have zero desire to live in either of those places. There are no grandkids in the forseeable future but I certainly have zero intention of raising any that should come to be. Will it be sad for me when they do come and I won' be able to see them constantly? Sure, but not every Nana lives around the corner.
I don't know why everyone assumes that every young parent is broke? Sure there were some lean years when the kids were small but we made it through. I also advanced in my career while raising them and planned things right and do fine for myself. I also live in one of the most expensive areas in the country and will be moving to your neck of the woods actually and be able to save a boatload more money just by moving there. Older does not always equal wiser and richer.
I don't know why everyone assumes that every young parent is broke? Sure there were some lean years when the kids were small but we made it through. I also advanced in my career while raising them and planned things right and do fine for myself. I also live in one of the most expensive areas in the country and will be moving to your neck of the woods actually and be able to save a boatload more money just by moving there. Older does not always equal wiser and richer.
I'm saying that purely in regards to how many years you have under your belt in your career. My husband and I made good money coming out of college around age 22 (did some master's work first before finding jobs), though we lived in NY, and just couldn't buy in that area, especially with the inflated housing prices of the time.
Starting out for a few years at most jobs, you get two weeks vacation, and won't get four unless you job hop/good negotiator like my husband, or work there for 15 years. Starting out you are a peon, so to speak, and without building a good resume, then job hopping, etc you won't be making the good money unless you are very lucky and incredibly ambitious... in which case you are likely missing your kids at that point. My husband and I busted our butts when we were younger for financial security today. For us, we didn't want to have a kid live through lean years, but that was our choice.
Or you have rich parents and they help you out, which explains the only friends of mine back in NY who own anything (nothing wrong with that, their parents didn't want them heading down south, lol).
I'm saying that purely in regards to how many years you have under your belt in your career. My husband and I made good money coming out of college around age 22 (did some master's work first before finding jobs), though we lived in NY, and just couldn't buy in that area, especially with the inflated housing prices of the time.
Starting out for a few years at most jobs, you get two weeks vacation, and won't get four unless you job hop/good negotiator like my husband, or work there for 15 years. Starting out you are a peon, so to speak, and without building a good resume, then job hopping, etc you won't be making the good money unless you are very lucky and incredibly ambitious... in which case you are likely missing your kids at that point. My husband and I busted our butts when we were younger for financial security today. For us, we didn't want to have a kid live through lean years, but that was our choice.
Or you have rich parents and they help you out, which explains the only friends of mine back in NY who own anything (nothing wrong with that, their parents didn't want them heading down south, lol).
I didn't want my kids to live through the lean years either, but I got pregnant and dealt with it.
I admit that I lucked into my launching pad job but I worked hard and advanced quickly. I also didn't have to work beyond normal working hours and could do some stuff from home so I didn't miss anything that any other working parent does. Never missed a practice or game until they left for college
I didn't want my kids to live through the lean years either, but I got pregnant and dealt with it.
I admit that I lucked into my launching pad job but I worked hard and advanced quickly. I also didn't have to work beyond normal working hours and could do some stuff from home so I didn't miss anything that any other working parent does. Never missed a practice or game until they left for college
Good job! My husband and I are engineers, and in the tristate area, we were worked like dogs, since they could just replace us on a whim if we didn't work OT, travel, etc. For us, it would have been difficult with a kid.
Engineers are treated much better down here, if you are one of the talented ones.
Good job! My husband and I are engineers, and in the tristate area, we were worked like dogs, since they could just replace us on a whim if we didn't work OT, travel, etc. For us, it would have been difficult with a kid.
Engineers are treated much better down here, if you are one of the talented ones.
Yeah, I started out in Health Insurance and transitioned now into Pharma Research but still within insurance. I worked hard but I also know how lucky I am that the industry I landed in was condusive to being a Mom
The best part is the full time telecommute. I can live anywhere I want but my salary is based on my Boston zip code, at least for now it is lol
Having children old... it's kind of like... you better hope you have enjoyed your life up to that point to the fullest. Because kids change everything and having kids at 40 and raising your kids... you're (hopefully) in retirement by the time the kids are flying the nest, you know? Hopefully you'll be in good shape and good health so you can have a few more good years to enjoy... but if not, that's sad. What about your grandkids? It seems kind of selfish to have kids when you are beyond a certain age.
I know it's hard to believe when you're in your 30's, but for goodness' sakes, 40-60 is not "old".
And here's some interesting news: Women who have a baby after 40 are four times more likely to live to 100 than women who don't.
It is believed that the hormones produced during pregnancy actually extend a woman's lifespan after age 40, and that if you are capable of getting pregnant naturally past 40 you have the genes to live longer than women who don't.
Women who have babies naturally in their 40s or 50s tend to live longer than other women. Now, a new study shows their brothers also live longer, but the brothers' wives do not, suggesting the same genes prolong lifespan and female fertility, and may be more important than social and environmental factors.
So not only are mothers in their 40's not more likely to die when their kids are young, they are in fact likely to have longer lives.
Add to that that I believe women in their 40's with young children are actually far more aware of their own mortality and take better care of themselves than *some* younger mothers. If you're 28 and obese and have no concept that you are indeed shortening your lifespan - then how is that better for your kids?
You don't have to be "old" to act that way. This is really a silly debate. As long as you are invested in your kids, you are not selfish having them, at *any* age.
I had kids at a young age, it worked well for me. I actually have 2 sets of kids, 2 in their 20's and 3 ages 17,14, and 10. I have been both the youngest mother in my kids class and the oldest mother. Personally I don't really think I would want to be pg in my late 30's or 40's but I am pretty sure that has to do with the fact I want no more children. I don't however see that it is an issue if someone else does.
More and more women are having babies in their 30's and 40's. I guess a married couple can enjoy life while they're young and then settle into having a family. But I feel the older we get, the more we might appreciate slowing down and relaxing - at least I do. At 39, I can't imagine being responsible for another human being for 18 more years.
I also like being young enough to be able to relate to my son during his entry into adulthood. He likes being around me, wants me to tear up the town with him when he turns 21. I'm not much of a party gal anymore, but I love that he thinks I'm "cool" enough to party with.
Your thoughts?
I'll be a early to mid 30's first time mom. Fiance will be in his early 40's by the time we get married, get pregnant, and the baby arrives.
Is it ideal biologically? Probably not.
Was it worth waiting until I was nearly 30 to meet the love of my life and the first guy I ever dated that I knew would be a great husband AND father? Absa-freaking-lutely.
We also have the financial perk of me being 10 years into a successful career. It will be less stressful for me to have babies at home becasue I've already "proved myself" at work- I'm done with working late nights, weekends, etc and I'm efficient at my job now. We also have my $100k++ paycheck to better our lives financially- retirement funded, kids schooling funded, family vacations/ summer camps, etc. My parents were always stressed financially as they started our family in their early 20's. I know life will have it's bumps, but it's nice to know that finances probably won't be one of those "bumps" due to the late start on kiddos.
Plus, I have accrued 5 weeks vacation + 10 paid holidays at this point in my career- that's a lot better than my early 20's job with 2 weeks of vacation and basically only Christmas/ Thanksgiving/ New Year's off. More time with kiddos than if I'd been a young working mother.
Last edited by TurtleCreek80; 02-16-2011 at 03:09 PM..
What about your grandkids? It seems kind of selfish to have kids when you are beyond a certain age.
How is it selfish that I didn't find the love of my life until age 30? And that he happens to be 9 years older? Neither of us have ever married and we both want kids.
I would love for us to both be around to see our grandkids grow up, but I grew up just fine without knowing my mother's parents and losing my grandfather by age 10 and my grandmother in my early 20's. I know both of my parents loved their parents and the stories and pictures live on. I don't feel like I got "gipped" becasue my mother's parents didn't have their kids until their late 30's - quite an anomaly in WWII era marriages!
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Having children young
