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I have a close friend who just found out she's expecting after more than six years of trying. She also has a nine-year-old child.
Today we were together with some mutual friends and someone brought up the subject of breastfeeding. My friend said that it had never appealed to her and she had no plans to breast feed her baby. She bottle fed her first child and said since he ended up just fine she didn't intend to try with number 2.
I breast fed both my children because I had read about the health benefits to babies and mothers. I found it to be an incredible bonding experience. Both my children were very healthy---neither ever had an ear infection---and I believe this could be connected to the antibodies provided during breastfeeding.
Anyway, I'd love for my friend to experience the positive aspects of breastfeeding. Would it be inappropriate for me to bring the subject up again and encourage her to try it? Or would this be too pushy? She's a great mom to her first child and I don't want her to think I'm questioning her parenting skills.
I'm not saying that bottle-feeding is wrong and I wouldn't judge her if she chooses this route, I just don't want her to miss out on something that she may never have a chance to experience again since this will likely be her last child.
If you consider her to be responsible and intelligent enough to make her own decisions about other areas of her life... then yes, I would think it to be pushy. At most, you could offer to let her borrow a book about BF or ask you any question she wants about BF, but if she is really not interested... drop it.
For a close friend, I think it would be nice for you to encourage her. I like to give moms-to-be Janet Tamaro's So That's What They're For. It's a great book about breastfeeding, and it's the book that convinced me never to give another child of mine baby formula, after my son had health problems on formula. You could give it to her with a personal note in a basket filled with other baby goodies.
If it were an acquaintance or a stranger, then I'd say mind your own business, but what are close friends for?
To me, breast feeding was frustrating, painful, and not the best thing for my babies. I wasn't producing enough milk. It was also frustrating because so many people told me I should or should not breast feed. I had no support from my family when I tried. When I stopped trying because the kids were underweight and hungry, people I didn't even know told me that I should be breast feeding. Whether to breast feed or not is an intensely personal decision. I found it more difficult because so many people butted in. Let your friend make her own decision and support her fully.
I think you should keep your mouth shut unless she asks for your opinion. If indeed it took her this long to get pregnant, I'm sure she has thought long and hard about every decision she makes regarding this.
I agree with the other posters who say that you should let the subject drop. Now if this was her first child, then I would say to try and encourage her. But because it is not and she chose not to breast feed the first and has no interest in doing so with this one, then you'd only be beating a dead horse and could possibly put a strain on your friendship.
Today we were together with some mutual friends and someone brought up the subject of breastfeeding. My friend said that it had never appealed to her and she had no plans to breast feed her baby. She bottle fed her first child and said since he ended up just fine she didn't intend to try with number 2.
You can ask her why it doesn't appeal her. Then, based on her answer you can give more info.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
I breast fed both my children because I had read about the health benefits to babies and mothers. I found it to be an incredible bonding experience. Both my children were very healthy---neither ever had an ear infection---and I believe this could be connected to the antibodies provided during breastfeeding.
My dd never went to the doctor for an illness until after 2 and she never had a drop of breast milk. My ds once between birth and 17 months. Neither had ear infections.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
I'm not saying that bottle-feeding is wrong and I wouldn't judge her if she chooses this route, I just don't want her to miss out on something that she may never have a chance to experience again since this will likely be her last child.
You do sound like you are judging her.
I tried to breastfeed my ds and I found it very annoying. I was dripping milk all over the place and whenever I grabbed him I soaked him. After 2 weeks I had enough. I wanted to be able to cuddle and bond with my son and breastfeeding was a hindrance.
Yes, it would be out of line. There's nothing worse than a mom who thinks the way SHE did things should be put up on a pedestal.
That is true in many cases but when someone is offended because someone is trying to obviously help them or inform them of something they do not know, it is not pushy. Friends help each other. If I didn't know something or was misinformed or ignorant of some fact and a good friend of mine could help me, I would be very happy with open ears.
I could see if it was a stranger or an acquantance but this is a FRIEND.
It's not like the OP is trying to talk her into feeding her baby poison, she is trying to help the chances of her friend do something for her child that is GOOD!!! Just like many more hospitals and nurses and doctors and community programs and magazines and organizations are trying to do these days.
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