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I PM'd the OP but thought I would put my recommendation the thread as well--is it possible for your daughter to walk/be bussed/get a ride to the school you are at--and then you can ride home together? My father was an elementary teacher and this is what I did until I could drive myself. She can work on homework, or help grade papers or clean out erasers or whatever for you while you finish up. I was lucky in that one of my best friends mom was a teacher too so we walked to the elementary together and hung out until our parents were ready to go home. This would get rid of the time alone at home.
I was going to stay out of this............
This is my recommendation also. I also recommend another "talk." Be calm and concerned- and ask her again if she is having sex. If she still denies it,,,tell her you have reasons to believe she is not being truthful. Tell her how much this concerns you, because NOW, you can no longer trust her. Now that you can no longer trust her, she will have to wait at her school in the principals office, or you find a way to get her to your school. And stick to it. She will then have to earn your trust back.
While visiting this past 4th of July a friend of mine actually let his 16 daughter go upstate for the weekend, with her girlfriends, and boys......I had to keep my mouth shut because it isn't my child.....
but a 16 year old girl, upstate, weekend, boys = not the smartest decesion.
true, kids will find a way to "do it" , but as parents we should be smart enough to make it "hard" to find the time........
... Tell her how much this concerns you, because NOW, you can no longer trust her. Now that you can no longer trust her, she will have to wait at her school in the principals office, or you find a way to get her to your school. And stick to it. She will then have to earn your trust back.
Be VERY careful saying something like you no longer trust her. It would be better telling her how disappointed you are that she didn't talk to you about her sexual activity, or her having sex is very disappointing.
No longer trusting your child could be detrimental to your relationship with her, and to her self worth. I have heard teens say, 'I'm not worth your trust? Ok, I may as well REALLY do what I want as long as you don't trust me.'
There are many areas of trust. Saying you don't trust her, is like saying she's bad. All of her. It needs to be specified that it's her actions you don't trust, NOT HER as a person. Unless, of course, she steals, lies, would stab you in the back in other ways, etc.. Then every aspect of her would be untrustworthy.
Kids take things literally when it's an attact on their being.
You Know, somewhere in all these posts the OP mentioned that her daughter wanted to become a Veternarian. Is there some way that your daughter could do some after school volunteering at either a vet's office or at an animal shelter? This might refocus her attention back onto her set goal and off of sex at least for the time being. At the very least it will give her less time to be unsupervised with her boyfriend. By 14 I think she would be old enough to do some volunteer work at either of these places.
You have been given some great advice, especially the advice about going in and seeing an OG-GYN. I would talk to the doctor ahead of time about the possibility of her having sex and let the doctor ask her about it and talk with her. Sometimes children open up and will listen better to an outsider than they do their own parents.
Also, you need to find away to get her to open up to you without fear of being in trouble or judged. Sometimes parents unconsiously use tools that should help open up lines of communication more as scare tactics. For example: Having her watch Teen Mom with you. Unconsiously you may be giving off a vibe that turns this show into a scare tactic. Yes it's good that she sees the reality of what it would be like being a teen mom, but you may be coming across as see, see what could happen when instead you might want to say something like, how do you think you would handle it if you ever found yourself in this position? Let her know that you know it's natural for boys and girls to have sexual desires and sometimes those desires are hard to control. Let her know that she should feel like she can come to you and talk about her desires. Let her give you some ideas as to how she could try and control those desires and you could give her some ideas as well.
You Know, somewhere in all these posts the OP mentioned that her daughter wanted to become a Veternarian. Is there some way that your daughter could do some after school volunteering at either a vet's office or at an animal shelter? This might refocus her attention back onto her set goal and off of sex at least for the time being. At the very least it will give her less time to be unsupervised with her boyfriend. By 14 I think she would be old enough to do some volunteer work at either of these places.
This is my recommendation also. I also recommend another "talk." Be calm and concerned- and ask her again if she is having sex. If she still denies it,,,tell her you have reasons to believe she is not being truthful. Tell her how much this concerns you, because NOW, you can no longer trust her. Now that you can no longer trust her, she will have to wait at her school in the principals office, or you find a way to get her to your school. And stick to it. She will then have to earn your trust back.
Unfortunately, I don't teach in the district we live in. It would be a great idea if I did. I can transfer her to the school I teach at if I can convince her father. Academics don't compare but academics won't matter if she gets pregnant.
If I could get the kid labeled as a sex offender, I would but he's 15. Even without the Romeo and Juliet clause, he can't be charged because he's too young.
This is what scares me about being the mother of 3 boys. Your daughter is probably having sex with him WILLINGLY. Why would you be willing to ruin the rest of his life over that? Doesn't she share responsibility?
I think the idea of hiring a housekeeper is a great idea.
You Know, somewhere in all these posts the OP mentioned that her daughter wanted to become a Veternarian. Is there some way that your daughter could do some after school volunteering at either a vet's office or at an animal shelter? This might refocus her attention back onto her set goal and off of sex at least for the time being. At the very least it will give her less time to be unsupervised with her boyfriend. By 14 I think she would be old enough to do some volunteer work at either of these places.
You have been given some great advice, especially the advice about going in and seeing an OG-GYN. I would talk to the doctor ahead of time about the possibility of her having sex and let the doctor ask her about it and talk with her. Sometimes children open up and will listen better to an outsider than they do their own parents.
Also, you need to find away to get her to open up to you without fear of being in trouble or judged. Sometimes parents unconsiously use tools that should help open up lines of communication more as scare tactics. For example: Having her watch Teen Mom with you. Unconsiously you may be giving off a vibe that turns this show into a scare tactic. Yes it's good that she sees the reality of what it would be like being a teen mom, but you may be coming across as see, see what could happen when instead you might want to say something like, how do you think you would handle it if you ever found yourself in this position? Let her know that you know it's natural for boys and girls to have sexual desires and sometimes those desires are hard to control. Let her know that she should feel like she can come to you and talk about her desires. Let her give you some ideas as to how she could try and control those desires and you could give her some ideas as well.
That's a good idea on the animal shelter. I beleive she's old enough to volunteer and I'm pretty sure I can arrange bus transportation door to door.
I am trying to get her in to my OBGYN and I'll let him talk to her. His office was closed today for some reason so I"ll try again on Monday. She, definitely, needs to be on birth control and to know what the risks are even if she won't listen to me.
Thanks
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