Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, before I report on night one, I felt I should address some of the comments here based on my owne thoughts.
In terms of a routine, it is important for kids to have structure, I think we can all agree on that. Bedtime routines certainly don't (shouldn't) need to be elaborate rituals. However, progressing through a basic series of events that leads to the goal of getting to bed helps mentally prepare your kid for bed while at the same time teaching what is expected. We do cleanup the playroom, eat dinner, baths, story, bed. Exactly what happens during this time isn't important it's that the events unfold in the same way on most days.
As for ignoring the crying and writing it off as a tantrum or a pull for getting their own way, in most cases during the day I would agree with you. My daughter throws a tantrum when she isn't allowed to climb on the kitchen table and swing from the chandelier. Apparently she enjoys it and is very perturbed we won't let her.
However, at night, I don't think that this is a desire for getting her way as much as it is a feeling of seperation anxiety and a desire for security. Even though her demands had started to get a little crazy, they were all centered around things that made her feel more secure; she loves Elmo and Cookie Monster and wanted them on TV, she wanted mommy and daddy, she wanted to be in mommy and daddy's bed, etc. I whole-heartedly agree that the behavior needed to be stopped, hence why I posted, but to simply say it was a spoiled reaction or a tantrum, I don't feel that's correct.
OK, so on to night one:
Went through our little routine and the whole time I was telling her how she was going to sleep in her big girl bed in her own room. We walked into the room and I laid her down in bed. She immediately jumped up and I walked out of the room. Tears and screaming for 5 minutes.
I went back into her room and picked her up. She started crying for mommy and I told her that mommy was busy, but I was there. She started wiggling so I put her down and sat on the floor near her bed. She climbed into bed and laid down...progress...but then got up after 30 seconds. I left when the 5 minutes were up. She cried and stomped for a while, but was starting to sound really tired.
I went back into the room with my wife this time and I picked her up. She laid on my shoulder for a minute and then I said why don't we lay in your bed. She laid down in her bed and my wife and I sat with her for a few minutes, but she started to fuss and our 5 minutes were up. 5 minutes of crying ensued.
I went back in by myself and this time she crawled into her bed as soon as I went into the room. So, I sat down next to her and put my hand on her back. She started drifting off and after a couple glances to make sure I was there, she was out.
She slept for about 2 and a half hours and then woke up. This time when I opened the door she got right back in bed. So, I stood outside her room for 5 minutes with her staring at me from her bed. She through a fit when I left, but started to wind down near the end of the 5 minutes.
I went back to the door and stood there and told her to get back in bed. She did and I stood there for maybe 3 minutes until she was completely asleep.
This time she lasted about 4 hours and then woke up again. I opened the door to her room and pointed at the bed. She hopped into bed, laid down and was asleep in 2 minutes and SLEPT CLEAR THROUGH THE NIGHT.
So, we started around 8p and she was asleep the first time by 8:30p or so. She slept until 10:30p and then woke up, but went back to sleep by 10:45p. She woke up around 2a, but went right back to sleep and slept until around 7a, which is when we usually get up. So, overall a very succesful first night and here's to hoping this night will be even easier. It was amazing to see the progress of her getting it and I was floored when I could stand at her door and just point to the bed.
Sounds like a good first night! Yes, once they know who's boss they will only fight for so long... Hope it keeps up and gets better from here.
Thanks, this is the biggest frustration we have as far as parenting goes. We generally don't have major issues during the day and are pretty good/consistent with our discipline. This was just one area we relaxed on with her in part out of sympathy for all the change that was happening and in part because we simply didn't want to deal with it with everything else going on.
I'm just relieved that it seems it won't be as hard of a struggle as I originally thought it was going to be.
Wow, sounds like it worked great! Keep it up and she should get better and better. In our experience, she may regress at first. Our first night out of the kids room, they slept all night....I didn't. I kept looking at the clock and worrying that there was something wrong with the baby monitor or that they had kicked off their blankets and were cold. I made myself stay in my own room, but I wanted to check on them. The next night, only one of them woke up and it was only one time around 3 am. The 3rd night, they both woke up 3 times each, so I was up 6 times to comfort them. Since that night, they've been getting better and better though. Just stick with the program and don't give in if she starts making demands when she realizes what's going on.
I'm looking for some advice or methods that others have used to succesfully sleep train a toddler that doesn't involve letting them cry it out. I wouldn't criticize anyone for using that method, but I know it's not for us.
I guess I'm surprised that you chose a controlled crying method when you specifically asked for a no-cry solution.
Way to go NJGOAT! Our dd went through a period of bedtime fits when she was younger. We too did the controled crying method and it worked well, though it was hard. We have a nice bedtime routine now, and no more big problems since we came through that rough patch.
I guess I'm surprised that you chose a controlled crying method when you specifically asked for a no-cry solution.
I agree, it wasn't what we had originally intended to do, but we had been trying some different things for a couple weeks and none were really working. We were against simply leaving her in her room to cry for extended periods of time as others had suggested to us. This method, while involving crying seemed to be more structured and was more acceptable to us.
My discussions on the thread were also tied to multiple discussions between my wife and I as to what we were going to do. Ultimately it came down to wanting a quicker method that while allowing her to cry it out, didn't leave her in her room alone for extended periods and also prescribed us not being able to comfort her. This method that mrmike suggested seemed to combine all of our wants and while not ideally what we would have liked to do it seemed worth a shot. We are pretty happy with how it has worked so far.
I guess I'm surprised that you chose a controlled crying method when you specifically asked for a no-cry solution.
LOL...when you all figure out a no-cry solution to child rearing please let the rest of us know. Kids cry...the sooner you get over it the sooner they get over it.
That doesn't sound like CIO a la Weissbluth or Ferber. I visit a forum where CIO is forbidden and any kind of "sleep training" is not recommended before 1 year. After a year they recommend Dr. Jay Gordon's technique which does involve crying. As he puts it, nobody likes a routine changed especially a baby. However, a baby who has had hundreds of nights next to mommy is not scared but angry at the change.
Does my child need something? If so, meet the need.
Is my child trying to express emotions? If so, let them cry in arms and help them express what they are feeling.
Good luck with tonight.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
