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not to seem rude; but I'm a bit taken aback that you judge this young man. Define nerd please. What, do you think he needs to be more cool? Perhaps a druggie is more acceptable. Or a high school drop-out? Or a popular kid who hangs with the popular crowd?
Perhaps he is a happy, well adjusted young man and doesn't need you or anyone to change or label him.
Shame on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingler
I think one of the most difficult things for a parent is seeing that their son or daughter does not fit in. I have a relative who is a 13 year old who is a real nice boy but he is a serious nerd. I was told he has no friends at school and the other kids like to pick on him or just ignore him. He is out of touch with the other kids at school and does not fit in.
I think it would be a good exercise for the "concerned adults" to go back and make a list of the top 5 most "cool" kids from their graduating class and a list of the top 5 "nerds" from their graduating class. Then do a follow up and find out what has happened to the "cool kids" since graduation and what has happened to the "nerds." I think it would be a real eye-opening experience and might get folks to understand that life doesn't end at high school and there are a LOT more important things to learn in school than how to be "one of the bunch."
I had no desire to fit in either. The people I saw may have been popular, but they were also people pleasers without a strong will.
I had always( in HS) dressed in black and listened to grundge music like teh punks, played sports like teh jocks, and read books till they grew out my ears like the nerds. I still never fit in, but today, I am my own boss, I still have no friends but 2, but in addition to those 2 friends, I also have my wife( my best friend), thats 3 friends and my children. I am strong and confidant and able.
Those jocks that I new work for other people and have no real command of their lives. They could get wealthy if they wanted, but only as long a sthey are looked on favourably by their bosses/masters.
With me, I am my own master/boss ( Only God outranks me, I humble myself to God recoginzing he is all powerful and mighty). After God and God's will, I am my own master.
So, don't try to change the kid, just teach him wisdom and he'll do the rest!
He may never have lots of "friends", but those friends he does have will be forever! He will have likely be wealthy. He will likely have a good marriage relationship and be loyal to his spouse. He has many things to look forward too!
In fact, you might consider being a nerd yourself, I'm sure the boy can teach you!
Kaiser
Last edited by kaiser; 06-16-2007 at 05:06 PM..
Reason: needed to address my letter
Interesting thread. My older son was what would be called a nerd. When all the other kids came to school in sloppy t-shirts, he always went in a white shirt and tie. Can't say he was picked on especially because he's a big guy but he did stand out and a lot of the kids and teachers thought he was an eccentric genius.
It's funny because now he's the director of an important and formal financial firm where everyone wears white shirts. He dresses in long sleeved t's under a suit jacket. He can get away with it because they have the same perception of him.
What I did always stress to both my boys was never to be a follower. Followers are a dime a dozen; be a leader. Their self-esteem was high and they are both accomplished, wonderful men. That was the best gift I could have given them. Each person is unique, no need to make them what they aren't. Be proud of who they are.
Last edited by Sgoldie; 06-17-2007 at 10:59 PM..
Reason: add
This kid needs help - he may be doomed to loneliness and lack of career success
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingler
I think one of the most difficult things for a parent is seeing that their son or daughter does not fit in. I have a relative who is a 13 year old who is a real nice boy but he is a serious nerd. I was told he has no friends at school and the other kids like to pick on him or just ignore him. He is out of touch with the other kids at school and does not fit in.
What can be done about children who are nerds?
I fear he may have problems in life if someone doesn't intervene right now. I was like that when I was 13, which was about 30 years ago. Since then, due to my poor social skills, I have yet to achieve success at a career and I have never gotten married, and I have never even had a true girlfriend. I am currently working on a MBA at a major university during an evening program, which will be my third master's degree when I finish it 11 months from now. However, while most of my classmates have good jobs earning high salaries, the best job I can get right now is part-time at a retail store for $8.75 per hour. A week ago I was written up by my supervisor because a co-worker stabbed me in the back and accused me of doing something which I didn't do. I am living in debt and poverty and I am very lonely, and I am unable to do the things that I enjoy such as traveling and outdoor activities.
Poor social skills early in life can have detrimental consequences. It is better to have a good personality, get along well with people, and have a lot of friends than it is to attain a high level of education without social development.
Id have to disagree with Highpointer. Being a nerd dosent make you run up bad debt and have no friends.
I was the fat kid for a couple of years and didnt have many friends. It all changed all of a suddent, dont know how or why but it did. People go through phases, especially teenagers. The whole world is agaisnt them, nobody understands, your life wasnt as bad as mine blah blah blah.
The kid seems fine IMHO, The only problem the kid would have is an interfering relative telling them that something was wrong with em.
Nothing needs to be done about children who are nerds.
Kids who pick on other kids are the ones who need help. They are the unhappy ones and need to make others feel bad in order to make themselves feel better.
It only matters that the child is happy and if he is happy being a nerd then leave him alone.
Unless the kid wants help or has a psychiatric problem (asp etc.) that needs to be addressed... mind your own business and keep your "labels" to yourself. My husband has and will always be a nerd. He plays his video games like a twelve year old, watches only Discovery channel etc., has such bad "game" he actually told me once when we were dating I had a nice "fleshy" butt. (No I didn't hit him) Really, I'm not sure he ever had a date before me that wasn't "arranged" by family. He couldn't be any less "cool" if he tried! I could go on and on... I wouldn't have him any other way! Yeah I dated guys who played football or lifted weights or were "smooth" with women but this "nerd" is the one I picked. Once when I hurt my back and had to lay in bed for a week, he drove all over town at 3am to find me a buttermilk pie because I casually said I was craving it. He also isn't too "cool" to cry with me when our cat is sick, hold my hand in public, say he loves me, buy me feminine products on the way home from work (I never plan ahead) and he's always fun and "quirky"! I wouldn't trade my big goofy husband for all the "cool" in the world. Let the kid be who he is and instead examine why YOU seem to be bothered by him?
Unless the kid wants help or has a psychiatric problem (asp etc.) that needs to be addressed... mind your own business and keep your "labels" to yourself. My husband has and will always be a nerd. He plays his video games like a twelve year old, watches only Discovery channel etc., has such bad "game" he actually told me once when we were dating I had a nice "fleshy" butt. (No I didn't hit him) Really, I'm not sure he ever had a date before me that wasn't "arranged" by family. He couldn't be any less "cool" if he tried! I could go on and on... I wouldn't have him any other way! Yeah I dated guys who played football or lifted weights or were "smooth" with women but this "nerd" is the one I picked. Once when I hurt my back and had to lay in bed for a week, he drove all over town at 3am to find me a buttermilk pie because I casually said I was craving it. He also isn't too "cool" to cry with me when our cat is sick, hold my hand in public, say he loves me, buy me feminine products on the way home from work (I never plan ahead) and he's always fun and "quirky"! I wouldn't trade my big goofy husband for all the "cool" in the world. Let the kid be who he is and instead examine why YOU seem to be bothered by him?
I loved this post...love your children for who THEY are, not what you want them to be. You cannot live your life thru your kids. If they are socially fine, who cares if they are band geeks, or presidents of the Calculus(sp?) club.
Even the jocks, prom queens have social skills issue, the only reason why its masked is because of their looks, or that they can score a zillion touchdowns in a football game.
Kids are cruel at every age..I think reality truly sets in at college. And to the one poster who said "look up your high school list". AGREED, the popular kids in my school--females just graduated from high school..are divorced with kids from different fathers..and the guys that graduated are those fathers...whereas the "nerds' or the goths, or the punks.....went to areas of college such as UC berkley, brown etc etc and make the 6 figure salaries.
So as long as its not suicidal, social issue thing....dont worry about it.
NOW....that being said...I do believe we as parents have some sort of responsibility in taking measures that our children are not ostracized...meaning this...lets all remember what it was like to be in school.
Look its a nice thing to say "dont judge a book by its cover, and its whats on the inside that counts"..but lets be real...if girl came into school with a 80's style teased spiral perm..it would be a bad thing. LOL. So we should encourage our childrens self esteem and look at the huge picture. Kids love to wear brand names, that hasnt changed in any generation..or wear cool clothes, girls will always want to wear lip gloss, guys will always go thru that weird vocal change. Its just going to happen.
So if your child feels like he is a nerd because he doesnt think his clothes are cool..or you are still dressing him/her..perhaps have a heart discussion. Forget about the parental desire not to give into materialism or brand names. Its cool to wear cool clothes, have a cool haircut. Consider giving your child a makeover for fun...and make sure that you tell him/her that you are not trying to the change the person on the inside..but rather help him/her fit in.
NO its not a bad thing..how many of us love it when as adults we are still complimented for Losing weight, getting a nice haircut, wearing a cute outfit (ladies you understand), wearing a nice cologne, tie....it feels good, not because we are being "validated" by someone else..but its just FEELS good.
Its amazing the power of shirt with some sparkles on it, or jeans with some embezzled jewels on it, does to a girls self-esteem, or new sneakers or something does for a boy.
So basically NO there is nothing wrong with being nerdy, but there is also nothing wrong with asking your child if there is something that YOU can do to help, just to help them fit in!
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This kid needs help - he may be doomed to loneliness and lack of career success
