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My point was you let people know you're saving that much, when they want a loan, whose the first person they think of?
If you find this to be a problem in your own life, you might want to associate with a better class of people.
My mother has hinted broadly in the past she'd like it if I gave her money but since I know what she does with it (she competes with other family elders to see who can contribute most to the annual grandkids expedition to Disneyland) I have never given her any and never will. Make the brats work for their vacation money, like the rest of the world.
What we have found, though, is that when people have an idea of how well-off you are, they expect lavish gifts for special occasions like weddings, graduations or baby showers. We have a standard cash gift of $200. We've yet to receive a thank-you note for this gift, which just solidifies our belief that a larger amount would have encouraged further entitlement.
I save 40-50% of my income and a lot of my friends, family and coworkers know this as we often have conversations about budgeting, saving and retirement planning. I've not had a single person ask to borrow money from me so I don't find your assessment accurate at all
Just because it hasn't happend to you yet, doesn't it mean it can't.
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Originally Posted by I love boots.
Glad to hear it, but others like myself have because someone was given too much information. If you want to tell everyone go ahead. The info is yours to give out. I don't think it should bother you that other people don't want to. In my experience it doesn't help people it only makes them want to help themselves to yours in some way.
Agree.
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Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
If you find this to be a problem in your own life, you might want to associate with a better class of people.
My mother has hinted broadly in the past she'd like it if I gave her money but since I know what she does with it (she competes with other family elders to see who can contribute most to the annual grandkids expedition to Disneyland) I have never given her any and never will. Make the brats work for their vacation money, like the rest of the world.
What we have found, though, is that when people have an idea of how well-off you are, they expect lavish gifts for special occasions like weddings, graduations or baby showers. We have a standard cash gift of $200. We've yet to receive a thank-you note for this gift, which just solidifies our belief that a larger amount would have encouraged further entitlement.
LOL...I think you need to follow your own advice in regards to people. What kind of people don't say thank you for wedding and graduation gifts?
My comments went over your head.
Let me give a simple example.
Person A : Their elderly aunt dies and leaves them $200K, they keep it to themselves. If they're married their spouse knows, but that's about it.
Person B: Their elderly aunt dies and leaves them $200K, but they tell all their friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. Now they're getting asked for loans. Not from everyone of course, but it can very likely come up. I mean why not? It's found money they weren't expecting, how dare they so no to loaning out $5K.
f you find this to be a problem in your own life, you might want to associate with a better class of people.
My mother has hinted broadly in the past she'd like it if I gave her money but since I know what she does with it (she competes with other family elders to see who can contribute most to the annual grandkids expedition to Disneyland) I have never given her any and never will. Make the brats work for their vacation money, like the rest of the world.
What we have found, though, is that when people have an idea of how well-off you are, they expect lavish gifts for special occasions like weddings, graduations or baby showers. We have a standard cash gift of $200. We've yet to receive a thank-you note for this gift, which just solidifies our belief that a larger amount would have encouraged further entitlement.
after having our finances exposed to millions of people in 2 publications i believe this stigma about keeping finances hush hush is more much ado about nothing then meaningful .
i am not saying you go around blabbing about it when the topic does not warrant it , but i see nothing wrong under the right conversations with divulging anything financial . folks who are interested in improving their plan are generally interested in these kinds of discussions . in fact the section in money magazine with the makeovers and personal story's are the main reason millions buy the magazine .
the best thing ever said to me was by a frequent poster here ,TUBORG , who said he remembered reading our story years ago in money magazine and it served as an inspiration for himself and his planning ideas ever since and that is way before i ever knew him here . he just remembered the story going back to 2006 .
it was a little different then they usually did as insted of financial misfits they wanted to do a story on someone who does all their own planning themselves , has been decent at it and then wanted to pit their team of pro's against me , so the story kind of stood out from the usual ..
fidelity investments used to devote their publication to their customers personal story's . like bad news sells , those with an interest in doing better tend to like to hear about how others are doing and what they are doing .
i know over on the early retirement and financial independence website ,information is freely discussed by most posters and given out and i learned an awful lot there from folks way smarter then myself and i learned by seeing what they did and how they did it and many times actual numbers are used ..
if you think poor you will be poor . generally it is those who have not done so well or really live a lifestyle that is a lie that tend to not want to share . yeah not everyone is in that catagory , i get that but generally from what i have seen successful people tend to share more willingly with others in these forums .
Last edited by mathjak107; 05-07-2016 at 04:25 AM..
after having our finances exposed to millions of people in 2 publications i believe this stigma about keeping finances hush hush is more much ado about nothing then meaningful .
i am not saying you go around blabbing about it when the topic does not warrant it , but i see nothing wrong under the right conversations with divulging anything financial . folks who are interested in improving their plan are generally interested in these kinds of discussions . in fact the section in money magazine with the makeovers and personal story's are the main reason millions buy the magazine .
the best thing ever said to me was by a frequent poster here ,TUBORG , who said he remembered reading our story years ago in money magazine and it served as an inspiration for himself and his planning ideas ever since and that is way before i ever knew him here . he just remembered the story going back to 2006 .
it was a little different then they usually did as insted of financial misfits they wanted to do a story on someone who does all their own planning themselves , has been decent at it and then wanted to pit their team of pro's against me , so the story kind of stood out from the usual ..
fidelity investments used to devote their publication to their customers personal story's . like bad news sells , those with an interest in doing better tend to like to hear about how others are doing and what they are doing .
i know over on the early retirement and financial independence website ,information is freely discussed by most posters and given out and i learned an awful lot there from folks way smarter then myself and i learned by seeing what they did and how they did it and many times actual numbers are used ..
if you think poor you will be poor . generally it is those who have not done so well or really live a lifestyle that is a lie that tend to not want to share . yeah not everyone is in that catagory , i get that but generally from what i have seen successful people tend to share more willingly with others in these forums .
But sharing in a forum is different than face to face. I understand what you're saying in a way because at one point I picked up a book that can't remember the title of now, wish I could. It advised above all else that if you want to improve your life look into increasing your wealth. Went on to explain how the belief that money is the root of all evil is really backward. It's true. Poverty is the root of all evil and if everyone could manage their finances better there would be less crime. Good book. Written by someone who shared. I know it helped me.
Our own personal experience in sharing with people hasn't turned out so good for us. So what am I doing wrong?
I was never given a ballpark figure, but I knew my dad was making some good cash. In high school he told me I would never need to worry about money... but well, things changed a lot for my family... new wife.. new kids...
When my husband and I got married my dad was his green card sponsor so for the first time ever I knew exactly how much he made from the IRS records. It was considerably more than I had imagined and I kinda mad because I had really wanted to go to a small, private liberal arts college close to home and they said "no, it's too expensive" and I simply accepted that as fact. If I had known how much money they had I would have at least pushed back... their yearly income was $500k and this was back in the mid-90's.. it was NOT by any means too expensive for them...
My kids will know everything about us. In fact, if we get this position overseas it's going to be hard on my kids, my 12 year old especially, and he's already told us, "there is more to life than money". And while I agree with him, I do also need for him to understand why we are making the choice to go... several years ago I read a book and it told the story of a father who wanted his kids to understand the value of money so he once had the bank to give him his entire pay check in single dollar bills. He brought home the cash and stacked it on the table and then he started putting it into piles that represented their monthly expenses.. so his kids have a visual representation of what happens to their pot of gold each month. I think it could be a very effective strategy, so I plan to get 100 pennies and put them on a table in a grid. I will mark the last two. The second to last penny will have a sticker that say "us" and the last penny will be marked "1%". I will tell my kids that the pennies represent people and for them to know that if we take this job we will be that penny that says "us" and where it places us and somehow, to understand the significance in regards to social mobility and financial stability.
I'm surprised no one commented on this. This is the very reason personal finance information should remain private - even from family members. Just because someone has means, does not mean others get to dictate the financial choices they make.
FSM, I generally agree with many of your posts, but I have to say that in this case you have demonstrated both problems with being too open - entitlement and resentment. It seems like somehow you felt entitled to a certain type of education and are resentful of the fact that your parents did not provide it.
The irony is that you seem to have done very well for yourself without it, and I dare say you may have done well because you didn't have it. Maybe by not catering to your every whim, your parents taught you an even more valuable lesson.
I'd caution you about being too open with your kids about where you stack up compared to others, which by the way, is a far different lesson than the one the father in your example was trying to teach. That might not create your desired effect. In fact, it could backfire. Is that really the lesson you want to teach your kids - that you have more than 98% of the people they meet?
As far as your 12 year old adapting to the decision to move, he'll do fine (and doesn't need to be lured with the financial benefits). Kids are pretty adaptable, but he seems to be wise beyond his years now. That was a pretty astute comment. Where in the world might he have gotten the idea that life IS all about money. Sometimes we teach our kids more by our behaviors/attitude than we realize.
I wonder how the "ABSOLUTELY don't ever tell anyone else your income!" crowd deals with the reality that in many cases just telling someone else your job gives away your approximate income level? It's hardly a secret that some jobs pay much better on average than others do, while others pay far worse.
(And I don't mean that sarcastically, but as an honest question.)
To me there is a difference between salary and financial status. Some make a good salary and are dead broke. Others make a moderate income, but have significant assets. Yes, you can generally ballpark how much a person makes, but you don't know the details of their financial situation. That's a big difference.
I am not in the "absolute" group. I just think you have to be VERY wise and cautious about who you review this personal information too - and the potential implications of the disclosure. Not everyone (regardless of where they are on the spectrum) can handle that kind of information. Err on the side of not caution. When in doubt, don't share!!!!
More than being impolite it just isn't smart to lay all you cards on the table and tell people what you have.
Oh yeah. I have a friend with whom I like to hang out, but I always have to think before I speak because she is nosy as all get-out and likes to know everyone's business. She tells me things about other friends' finances, so I have no doubt she would tell mine. I am retired, but made a pretty decent salary for a person without a college degree. However, I know that telling people what I make automatically brings judgment into the picture (what is she doing with all that money? Why is she in debt if she makes THAT?)
Last year when I was contemplating taking retirement and finding a more local job, she said, "I see jobs advertised or hear of certain things from time to time, but I don't know if they'd be right for you because I don't know how much money you make." Followed by an expectant stare. I just laughed and changed the subject.
She and another woman buy the software and do taxes for some people in the neighborhood for a modest fee. She asked me who does my taxes. I told her I do my own using TurboTax. Never in a million years would I let this woman see my personal finances. I pretty much know all the details of the finances of all the other people she does taxes for, and I've never even met some of them.
LOL...I think you need to follow your own advice in regards to people. What kind of people don't say thank you for wedding and graduation gifts?
The kind one's related to. Wish I had more, better and closer relatives, but that's the way the wedding cake crumbles.
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My comments went over your head.
I don't see how they could have, since you made the same point three times.
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Person B: Their elderly aunt dies and leaves them $200K, but they tell all their friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. Now they're getting asked for loans. Not from everyone of course, but it can very likely come up. I mean why not? It's found money they weren't expecting, how dare they so no to loaning out $5K.
Do you really find that this happens to you? I've been on the planet 62 years and never had anyone ask for a loan. Maybe it's because I don't associate with people who are chronically short of money and lack the initiative to remedy that.
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It's not that hard of a concept.
I think if people still aren't "getting it" after four tries, it's probably not the concept.
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