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My view on this issue that age, on it's own, is at least partially anecdotal. The key is maturity. You're maturity reflects who you are, and no matter what, age and maturity are connected. There are mature 8th graders, but not 8th grader is as mature as a 68 year old war veteran. If experience molds your maturity and outlook, and as we age, those experiences become more diverse and meaningful.
It is helpful, I think to distinguish between maturity and experience. A 14 year old can be wise behind his / her years, more mature than some people ever manage to be, but nothing can compensate for the lack of experience and perspective, which can only be gained by living long enough. Of course a wise / mature / self aware person will gain more from experience in a shorter time ... but still there is no substitute for personal experience. Reading about other people's experiences has an unreality to it; experiencing life for yourself is a very different proposition.
This is why I feel that intimate relationships should be age-appropriate, which to me simply can't encompass the truly May / December romances. Even a mature 30 year old has very different needs and is in a very different existential space than a 60 year old. I am pushing 60 myself and while I like to think I'm fairly mature I am sure nevertheless that if I make it to 90 I will be looking at life very differently.
Age doesn't seem to be just a number. I feel like I'm looking at my future in the rear view mirror. In the real future, I question whether I have to plan for 10 years, 20 years, perhaps even 40 years, but I'm still looking at it all with a different perspective than I was 10 years ago. I see my children grown up with children of their own, busy running from moment to moment trying to keep up with the next soccer game, the next school concert, the next event ... trying to make good people out of their children ... I wonder if they experience the moment, or whether it's just a bridge to the next one. I wonder if they'll wake up one morning, like I did, and wonder what it's all about.
In my late teens and early 20s, I wondered about the purpose of life. I read too much philosophy and got over it. At some point, I started chasing a dream, then changed my mind, chased another dream, changed my mind again ... looking back, I did this every five years. I was wishing that I could live to be 1000 years old so that I could experience all of my dreams. Now, barely half way to 100, I don't know which dream to pick, unsure about how much time is left, and which dream should have priority.
This age is a number thing is great in the dating scene, but in reality, it's not just a number.
Before I got to the end of your post, I assumed that you were at least 70 years old. To me, you sound like a much older, world-weary person. Not someone who is barely at the halfway mark to 100. I don't mean anything offensive. But I was shocked to find that you are barely 50-ish.
Before I got to the end of your post, I assumed that you were at least 70 years old. To me, you sound like a much older, world-weary person. Not someone who is barely at the halfway mark to 100. I don't mean anything offensive. But I was shocked to find that you are barely 50-ish.
I'm not 'much older', but perhaps I am world weary. I shouldn't be. I'm reflective right now - looking at where I've been, wondering where I want to go. I go to work, come home, eat, do a hobby or two, sleep, then repeat. The world is my oyster, but I'm sitting in the middle of shell unsure of which direction to go. That is something that I associate with this age ... not just a number, a perspective that shifts over time.
Does one have to be much older to question whether the moments their children live are conscious moments, or a bridge to the next activity? What age group presumes that it is an age 70, rather than 50, question?
No, in terms of age it's not just a number. I'm 44, and even though I take good care of myself -regular exercise, reasonably healthy diet- I'm not the same person -both physically and psychologically- I was 15 years ago. In my mid-20s I didn't exercise regularly and had a mediocre diet, but was still more energetic and stronger than I am now.
In most cases, older persons (40+) who think they feel the same as they did when they were younger are either in denial or have simply forgotten how they felt then. It's true that some individuals age much more slowly and gracefully than others, but it's a biological fact for the multitude that beginning in our early 30s, we enter into a gradually and irrevocable physical decline. That's just how life works.
I think "age is just a number" is something a lot of aging people tell themselves to try to convince themselves that they can still compete w/ 20 year olds......
Honestly, I'm in my mid 40's....
A lifelong health nut, I workout every day, eat healthy, meditate,
do yoga, play guitar, & take care of myself.........
and yep sometimes I date guys 20 years younger....
(although they aren't half as interesting as guys in their 40's & 50's I'm finding)
That being said-
I'm not pretending I'm 20 yrs. old, lol
I'm quite ok w/ being the age I'm at....
I was insanely wild as a teen....
Did a lot of things other people only wish they could do......
Edited to add:
I've also spent every moment of my life devoted to the bigger picture....
Cultivating greatness in my kids.....
And that, to me is something that is huge:
How you spend your time.....
Last edited by believe007; 07-27-2015 at 08:59 AM..
To understand your question, it is necessary to forget about the physical body for a moment and contemplate the person that is thinking and peering out through the eyes? Who or what is it that is contemplating? How different is it from there person that was peering out the eyes many years ago as a child? The differences is precisely the accumulation of memories. This is the the time that has passed by. It is not a number but rather a qualitative change in memory. This is time (or aging).
It is helpful, I think to distinguish between maturity and experience. A 14 year old can be wise behind his / her years, more mature than some people ever manage to be, but nothing can compensate for the lack of experience and perspective, which can only be gained by living long enough. Of course a wise / mature / self aware person will gain more from experience in a shorter time ... but still there is no substitute for personal experience. Reading about other people's experiences has an unreality to it; experiencing life for yourself is a very different proposition.
Yes, you are very correct.
I'm in my mid-fifties, and my wife is just over 20 years younger than I am. I love her partly because she is absolutely the wisest, most rational and intelligent person I've ever met, and has an intuitive understanding of people and relationships that I have never seen in a partner before.
But...
There are still times when I'm just amazed at the things she doesn't "get" because (at 36) she hasn't yet had the experience in life to fully comprehend all the dimensions of the issue. All the wisdom in the world, but there are still many issues where she doesn't quite understand all the nuances of it, because she hasn't lived it yet. This is where she relies on me to explain, "But when you're in your fifties, you see it differently because...", or "I know it seems like that's the way it's going to work out, but let me tell you - once it gets underway, it usually starts to go this way..."
And, this is where she has the wisdom to listen to me and try to assimilate my experiences into her decisionmaking. And, I'm smart enough to trust her brilliant intellect to break things down and lay out a plan. We make a pretty damned good team....
To answer the question in the opening post... yes, I am a very different person than I was in my twenties, my thirties, and my forties. It's still me, but it's a very different "me." I think anyone in their fifties who doesn't feel that way probably wasn't paying very close attention along the way. That's a mistake that I resolved very early on never to make.
I think like a lot of people, I really don't feel mentally all that old. Physically, a lot of things have gone wrong, but sometimes I actually forget how old I am. I always wonder if I started lying and telling people I was 10 years younger, if I would really start to believe it.
At the same time, I've gone through so much in my life, I am now wondering what the next phase will bring. I'm a lot less sure of myself now than when I was younger, but I know a lot more, too. I know if I had to, I could still live out of my car, or move halfway across the US to a city where I knew no one, or start a new hobby. I'm always on the lookout for a new hobby. So many of them seemed to just drop into my lap when I wasn't even looking for them.
I guess I'm too curious about stuff to feel really old mentally. I've had so many people wonder when I'm going to outgrow all the things I like to do or try to tell me I'm immature for not wanting to be old and sedate like them, or quit doing impulsive things that they're scared to contemplate doing. So I guess, I would say then that in my head at least, age is just a number. The only thing that gets me is how far back I can remember. It's scary to know I remember 1974 vividly, and if I'd been the same age then that I am now, I'd remember the Great Depression years and everything that's happened since then.
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