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I'm not just talking about the "wife beater" tank top set here. I was married to a soldier. His "protector" mentality and his volatile temper were part of the animal that was him. He did physically attack our kids more than once, and he abused me in more verbal/emotional ways for years...but felt I should consider myself fortunate to have a husband who "did not raise a hand to me." So beating on the kids is cool, and constantly putting your spouse down and all is cool, so long as the Sainted Perfect Husband manages not to beat up the wife, he's a model of restraint. Granted, he wants to! But he holds himself back. Wow.
But he was so hurt when I was telling him during our breakup that I didn't feel safe with him. He thought that because he talked constantly about how he could kill any intruders or attackers, that I should feel protected, therefore safe. And that he'd managed to never punch me in the face, also, meant I should feel safe. I never felt safe with him.
But more to the point...when I had anything to do with military functions, which I tried to avoid, I heard a lot of the same kind of talk from the other soldiers. Granted, we're talking young guys with more testosterone than sense in many cases, and a "protect your own from the enemy" mentality is part of the gig. But for many of them, anger and violence was second nature.
After my ex and I split...well, it's been 3 years and he's still not over it. But the way he copes (and he's told me this many times) is to turn everything into anger. Sadness, depression, mourning the life he had, transform it all into anger. He doesn't really know what to do with the other stuff, but anger make him feel powerful and purposeful, and focuses his negative feels on someone else (me.) I've seen this same kind of stuff in PLENTY of men.
If women jump to this conclusion when guys talk about being protectors, it's because this is something we have seen, and probably been on the receiving end of.
None of that says anything about "protector." Your ex had a problem, but that was his problem.
I was an Army brat. My father never raised a hand to me or my mother. I can't even recall him raising his voice to us. Yet, he was a combat veteran of both Korea and Vietnam, and ultimately died of Agent Orange complications.
I spent 26 years in the Air Force, and I don't beat my wife or my children. Nor have I ever gotten anywhere with anger, so it's not in my repertoire.
Being right behind him would actually be tactically dumb if there really were a problem.
It's called backup, dude. At the very least, I'm not going to cower in bed just to end up being a sitting duck if something is really going down. I grew up with "run, fall, bawl" movies in which the women always did just that. I like to be a little more pro-active.
As a 16 year old I too am trying to develop my masculine traits
I think being masculine means putting your energy on the line, getting the work or job done and enjoying life confidently.
A lot of ideas are just fabricated out of the ass of many conspiracy theorists, it does not mean not taking care of yourself or suppressing your feelings... I mean how do you think men in the sports world or in the military do so good?
It's called backup, dude. At the very least, I'm not going to cower in bed just to end up being a sitting duck if something is really going down. I grew up with "run, fall, bawl" movies in which the women always did just that. I like to be a little more pro-active.
Sorry, no.
Being directly behind him is tactically stupid.
But if that's what you'd do, you just proved my first point: You're allowing him to "take the brunt." Case closed.
But if that's what you'd do, you just proved my first point: You're allowing him to "take the brunt." Case closed.
Yes, I do understand I wouldn't be "right" behind him. Jeez! I guess with some people, you just have to spell it out letter by letter: what I meant was, I would not cower in bed and let my husband check a funny noise in the night by himself. I would also not be cowering behind him as he led the way.
But as I'm not married now and not likely to be, I'll continue to do what I've done most of my life, which is the part you missed: getting up and checking everything out by myself.
None of that says anything about "protector." Your ex had a problem, but that was his problem.
I was an Army brat. My father never raised a hand to me or my mother. I can't even recall him raising his voice to us. Yet, he was a combat veteran of both Korea and Vietnam, and ultimately died of Agent Orange complications.
I spent 26 years in the Air Force, and I don't beat my wife or my children. Nor have I ever gotten anywhere with anger, so it's not in my repertoire.
I am glad to hear that (the last bit.) And I would agree that the more egregious examples of abusive behavior that my ex was prone to, were indeed HIS problem. However, I also think that the idea that men cannot freely express things like sadness or fear, and have to display anger instead, is too common in the minds of many in terms of what it means to "be a man."
And I don't think that a man must be ready to do violence, even in defense of his own, in order to "be a man" any more than a woman. A man can be mostly paralyzed in a wheelchair and not as able to defend his home as his fully mobile wife, and STILL be a man. A man can be a wise elder and not up to the task of fighting off younger and more physically fit or armed men, or wild animals, or what the heck ever...and still be a man. And I hate to think that a male who is deeply valuable to those who love him, yet unable to flex his muscles and win the day, might feel invalidated in any way by the fact that it isn't his own particular area of personal strength.
I just do not personally feel that a man has to be a physical bad-arse to prove his masculinity. Some people might be impressed by that; I am not. And realistically, I've never particularly needed that in my life, in terms of my male partner.
What do you think makes a man other than having a good job and responsibility
There has to be more to this
What makes a man? Being broken down, back up and stronger mentally/physically everytime?
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I have an out look that has revolved around something my Dad said to me when I was young. He retired from the Navy after 25 years coming uo through the ranks as a seaman recruit all the way to LTCMMDR. He said to me one day and I don't remember why "It is not sufficient in and of itself that one merely be an officer. One must be a gentleman." John Paul Jones.
Being a gentleman is much much more than being polite to and respectful of Ladies. It Must reflect in how you treat everyone man or woman. It is a standard of conduct. Being a Man to me is indelibly linked to this standard.
Apparently,where I live in rural merica,being a man means basically going back to neanderthal...being a big strong grunt that insecure women can hide behind. And/or a sportscar driving,sports watching,golf member of the boys club is what women go for around here and thus is what I currently view being a man.
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I guess with some people, you just have to spell it out letter by letter: what I meant was, I would not cower in bed and let my husband check a funny noise in the night by himself. I would also not be cowering behind him as he led the way. 
