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I'm 19, and a gay guy. I have been out since I was 16. I used to be fully on the LGBT rights side...
...until last night, when I found myself smiling at the news that North Carolina voted to ban gay marriage in their Constitution.
Why, you may ask?
Well, I also happen to be a black gay guy. And over the couple years I've been hanging around LGBT circles, I've noticed an astounding amount of racism among them. Yes, I know, racism is everywhere... but I've noticed that most of the racism I've been on the receiving end of has been from gay people.
How can I tell that the racism is from gay people? Well, I'd figure two guys holding hands is a pretty good sign, and seeing that in Dallas/Fort Worth here is common as pigeons nowadays. Plus, there's looking at Facebook profiles, clothing, bumper stickers, et cetera. I'd say 75% of racist crap hurled at me comes from them.
Upper-middle-class white guys--many of them gay--are busy gentrifying the inner cities of Dallas and Fort Worth... but are also busy looking down their noses at African-Americans who have been here most or all of our lives, years and decades before they even hatched the idea to move here from the suburbs. I get death glares from them when I ride my bike through what they consider "their" districts (Oak Lawn in Dallas is a perfect example) as if they're afraid I'll steal their hideous little pink mopeds or something.
I've also noticed how the majority of white gay guys (at least in my city) won't even befriend a black guy, as if we're a different species or something. Many of them are what I call "romantic racists", who shut out blacks (and sometimes even Asians too) from their romantic lives, under the guise of "just their preference", as if that's a valid excuse to be a racist. (For the record, I "prefer" catfish over fried chicken, but that don't mean I never eat chicken! In fact, I love both!)
Then, on the flip side, are the racist black gay guys. Not just the ones who won't date whites, but the ones who look down on other black guys who they don't think act "black enough". If I had an actual Oreo cookie for every time I've been called an Oreo, I'd be able to send them cookies to a third-world country and not only solve the hunger problem, but probably cause an explosion in the diabetes rate, too!
And no, I still don't know what "black enough" is. Perhaps if I drove a clown car that looks like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and a Terminator made love and had a hideous kid? No Earthly idea.
I've even been on the receiving end of physical attack where racial slurs were being yelled... and then later found out 3 of the 4 perpetrators were gay. The irony is disgusting.
My overall point is, the LGBT "community" needs to get its own house in order when it comes to discrimination before they start complaining about discrimination against them. A white gay guy that whines about not having equal rights and being discriminated against, then tells a black guy "no" because they're black, ain't nothing but a hypocrite.
I have stopped standing for gay rights, and don't plan to restart any time soon.
I understand your concern about racism within the gay community, but it has absolutely nothing to do with whether two consenting adults should have the ability to marry each other regardless of their sex. There will always be bigots of every race, color, creed, religion, age, sex, and, yes, sexual orientation. There will always be people unwilling to empathize with someone who walks in different shoes or those who give in to blanket assumptions about entire groups of people. Even those people shouldn't be deprived of their rights simply because of who they are. It's also important that you don't let those people turn you into an angry, "anti-" type of person.
I'm a 31 y.o. Black gay man in an interracial relationship of seven years. I also happen to be very well-educated. I have quite a bit of perspective on this matter and likewise struggled to find my place within the gay community when I was your age. It's a tough line to walk because, as you probably already see, you can be bombarded by negativity from all sides when you're in a position like ours. I let it consume me when I was younger and have spent probably the last half decade correcting all the mistakes I made mostly out of anger from the cards that I've been dealt.
As you grow older, you learn to ignore this sort of negativity and not internalize it. The people who like you for you will reveal themselves and you'll find that the right people will quite simply gravitate towards you as you sort yourself out. Good luck on your journey, hang in there and I hope in the future you can bring yourself to get on the right side of this fight for equality.
I'm 19, and a gay guy. I have been out since I was 16. I used to be fully on the LGBT rights side...
...until last night, when I found myself smiling at the news that North Carolina voted to ban gay marriage in their Constitution.
Why, you may ask?
Well, I also happen to be a black gay guy. And over the couple years I've been hanging around LGBT circles, I've noticed an astounding amount of racism among them. Yes, I know, racism is everywhere... but I've noticed that most of the racism I've been on the receiving end of has been from gay people.
How can I tell that the racism is from gay people? Well, I'd figure two guys holding hands is a pretty good sign, and seeing that in Dallas/Fort Worth here is common as pigeons nowadays. Plus, there's looking at Facebook profiles, clothing, bumper stickers, et cetera. I'd say 75% of racist crap hurled at me comes from them.
Upper-middle-class white guys--many of them gay--are busy gentrifying the inner cities of Dallas and Fort Worth... but are also busy looking down their noses at African-Americans who have been here most or all of our lives, years and decades before they even hatched the idea to move here from the suburbs. I get death glares from them when I ride my bike through what they consider "their" districts (Oak Lawn in Dallas is a perfect example) as if they're afraid I'll steal their hideous little pink mopeds or something.
I've also noticed how the majority of white gay guys (at least in my city) won't even befriend a black guy, as if we're a different species or something. Many of them are what I call "romantic racists", who shut out blacks (and sometimes even Asians too) from their romantic lives, under the guise of "just their preference", as if that's a valid excuse to be a racist. (For the record, I "prefer" catfish over fried chicken, but that don't mean I never eat chicken! In fact, I love both!)
Then, on the flip side, are the racist black gay guys. Not just the ones who won't date whites, but the ones who look down on other black guys who they don't think act "black enough". If I had an actual Oreo cookie for every time I've been called an Oreo, I'd be able to send them cookies to a third-world country and not only solve the hunger problem, but probably cause an explosion in the diabetes rate, too!
And no, I still don't know what "black enough" is. Perhaps if I drove a clown car that looks like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and a Terminator made love and had a hideous kid? No Earthly idea.
I've even been on the receiving end of physical attack where racial slurs were being yelled... and then later found out 3 of the 4 perpetrators were gay. The irony is disgusting.
My overall point is, the LGBT "community" needs to get its own house in order when it comes to discrimination before they start complaining about discrimination against them. A white gay guy that whines about not having equal rights and being discriminated against, then tells a black guy "no" because they're black, ain't nothing but a hypocrite.
I have stopped standing for gay rights, and don't plan to restart any time soon.
As far as love interests, people dont owe an explanation for their personal taste, it is what it is. If we could 'choose' that, Im sure many of us would 'choose' to be straight cause life would be so much easier, but alas, our hearts and bodies tell us otherwise.
You shouldnt feel bad. Im not White or Black but when I was single I found that White men where the ones who openly flirted with me, asked for my number, asked me out on dates etc. For some reason Blacks and Hispanics not so much--but I never took offense to that.
As far as racism in gentrified neighborhoods, Im more inclined to blame that on Classism. Im sure theyd have no problem whatsoever if a wealthy gay professional who happened to be Black moved in.
Of course, I dont walk in your shoes and can only speak from my own experience as a 37 year old gay Pacific Islander who has had almost all positive experiences from all gays of every race(there are some hideous exceptions tho lol), I think your still young and your still searching for a place to fit in.
As far as love interests, people dont owe an explanation for their personal taste, it is what it is. If we could 'choose' that, Im sure many of us would 'choose' to be straight cause life would be so much easier, but alas, our hearts and bodies tell us otherwise.
Racism is not part of how someone is like sexual orientation; racism is learned. Ain't no baby come out the womb destined to never want to date a black/white/Latin/Asian/whatever person. Nice try though.
It's fine and dandy to *lean* towards certain races over others in dating; it's when you completely SHUT OUT one or more entire races that it becomes wrong.
Racism is not part of how someone is like sexual orientation; racism is learned. Ain't no baby come out the womb destined to never want to date a black/white/Latin/Asian/whatever person. Nice try though.
It's fine and dandy to *lean* towards certain races over others in dating; it's when you completely SHUT OUT one or more entire races that it becomes wrong.
So fess up.
What race do you lean towards?
Or are you perhaps in denial?
Like I said, you have a great point about prejudice within the gay community, it's your overall argument that diminishes everything else.
Perhaps you have had bad experiences due to your negative attitude as well. Think about it.
I lean towards other black guys and Latin guys as well. However, I also find a lot of white and Asian guys attractive. I don't shut anyone out purely over race.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nafster
Perhaps you have had bad experiences due to your negative attitude as well. Think about it.
I love how people try to pin the plight of me, and people like me, on "negative attitudes". It's just more denial, as if they and their prosperous buddies aren't to blame for any outcasting, bullying, racism, et cetera, it's our fault for "being negative".
Fact time: my "negative attitude" is the result of the horrid way I've been treated all my life, not the other way around.
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