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What about the hundreds of stories from nerdy quiet women?
Oh wait,,I don't hear them complaining.
I know for me though it didn't bother me too much because older guys and the teachers were interested in me. I didn't date my peers.
Hopefully you didn't date the teachers either...........
What about the hundreds of stories from nerdy quiet women?
Oh wait,,I don't hear them complaining.
I know for me though it didn't bother me too much because older guys and the teachers were interested in me. I didn't date my peers.
You're helping to prove my point.
They didn't have stories because they found plenty of male attention they didn't reject. In my school, many of them were able to date 2nd tier thugs, athletes, bad boys and losers. A few dated decent dudes, but that wasn't the majority since dating a nerd was social suicide.
(By the way, nerd = any guy who was average, not popular or decent, not just smart guys)
I have no problem with your disagreement. My opinions are formed based on my own experiences and the opinions of other African-American men who post their experiences from around the country.
I attended a predominately black elementary and high school. I observed the dynamics and truthfully, black boys appeared to be more interested in impressing their peers and building a bad reputation.
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Let's analyze your "male peers and older male peers from the community" statement. Let's assume we're referring to the stereotypical gang / drug dealing situation. Why are those men gang banging and selling drugs? I grew up around enough thugs to know the answer because I've ASKED: To be the top of the chain in their neighborhood and make money. Why do they want this power and money? To attract and bed women. Rims, chains and the nicest clothes aren't for other dudes, sorry. Maybe you can't understand that mindset since women dress up and compete with each other, but men generally compete for sports and women.
Many poor urban boys sell drugs to fit in with their peers, while making a buck. It's interesting that certain males, such as yourself believe that these guys are leading such a destructive lifestyle to ONLY attract girls. My question is, why are they drawn to the lowest denominator of girls? Surely, there are pretty girls that aren't interested in thugs or criminality. The mere fact that so many young black girls are enrolling in college attests to this. Why would the same girls who are devoting time to their studies even entertain a drug dealer? It makes absolutely no sense.
The only plausible explanation is, like attracts like. Heterosexual boys and men are attracted to good looking woman. But I refuse to believe that most pretty black girls are only interested in thugs. I am speaking from experience. I am attractive and I've never dated thugs. When I was in grade school, I dated guys that were in honors classes. I've always been drawn to very smart males.
What's really going on is, black boys find themselves enamored with girls who resemble rap video models. Perhaps these boys believe that they must emulate 50 cent or lil wayne to impress these girls. There is probably some validity to your statements, but my point is, at what point is the boy responsible for his own actions?
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Sure, some young men look up to male peers and older men for the love they didn't get from their dad. But guaranteed, if he had to choose between quitting "the game" or being single forever, any man would make that choice.
Talk about irony. The same guys who engage in criminal activity, often spend years behind bars. If a guy was truly interested in women, why would he spend so much time engaging in behavior that leads to being in the sole company of men? Strange indeed.
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I'm not saying your daughter should devote her efforts to this. She should simply make better choices and REJECT the bad boys instead of encouraging more boys to join them "since the girls like that type". If all girls did this, most of the bad boys would adapt since they are just playing the role to fit into what's popular.
It's very idealistic to state that, if 'all girls did this, most of the bad boys would adapt..." Guess what, if all boys simply studied and didn't engage in criminal activity, the inner cities wouldn't be crime ridden. The reality is, people choose the lifestyle that they want to lead. If a boy chooses to engage in criminal activity because he believes it will garner more attention from women, that's HIS DECISION.
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If you don't think the social aspect of school doesn't play a role in both boys and girls' decisions, I don't know what to tell you. People do what works to their advantage in social acceptance. Boys decide to be class clowns and thugs because the girls like it and the boys respect them. If we had better parents, this could be countered with lessons at home, but that's not reality. Therefore, these boys (and girls) bad choices in school coupled with no parents to counter bad influences, set the tone for a cycle of poverty.
I believe elementary and jr/hs is a time for teens to learn about themselves and their surroundings. Teens are going to mess up and make mistakes. You are however suggesting that black girls should be perfect. Do you really believe that most teenage girls have the mental capacity to behave as a grown mature woman? I do not. This is why the onous is really on the parents, not other children.
Black American boys (and girls) usually grow up without a proper male role model/father in the home. This is the real culprit, which explains why so many boys do not know the true meaning of being a man, and why so many girls, do not know which qualities to look for when choosing a mate.
I attended a predominately black elementary and high school. I observed the dynamics and truthfully, black boys appeared to be more interested in impressing their peers and building a bad reputation.
Many poor urban boys sell drugs to fit in with their peers, while making a buck. It's interesting that certain males, such as yourself believe that these guys are leading such a destructive lifestyle to ONLY attract girls. My question is, why are they drawn to the lowest denominator of girls? Surely, there are pretty girls that aren't interested in thugs or criminality. The mere fact that so many young black girls are enrolling in college attests to this. Why would the same girls who are devoting time to their studies even entertain a drug dealer? It makes absolutely no sense.
The only plausible explanation is, like attracts like. Heterosexual boys and men are attracted to good looking woman. But I refuse to believe that most pretty black girls are only interested in thugs. I am speaking from experience. I am attractive and I've never dated thugs. When I was in grade school, I dated guys that were in honors classes. I've always been drawn to very smart males.
What's really going on is, black boys find themselves enamored with girls who resemble rap video models. Perhaps these boys believe that they must emulate 50 cent or lil wayne to impress these girls. There is probably some validity to your statements, but my point is, at what point is the boy responsible for his own actions?
Talk about irony. The same guys who engage in criminal activity, often spend years behind bars. If a guy was truly interested in women, why would he spend so much time engaging in behavior that leads to being in the sole company of men? Strange indeed.
It's very idealistic to state that, if 'all girls did this, most of the bad boys would adapt..." Guess what, if all boys simply studied and didn't engage in criminal activity, the inner cities wouldn't be crime ridden. The reality is, people choose the lifestyle that they want to lead. If a boy chooses to engage in criminal activity because he believes it will garner more attention from women, that's HIS DECISION.
I believe elementary and jr/hs is a time for teens to learn about themselves and their surroundings. Teens are going to mess up and make mistakes. You are however suggesting that black girls should be perfect. Do you really believe that most teenage girls have the mental capacity to behave as a grown mature woman? I do not. This is why the onous is really on the parents, not other children.
Black American boys (and girls) usually grow up without a proper male role model/father in the home. This is the real culprit, which explains why so many boys do not know the true meaning of being a man, and why so many girls, do not know which qualities to look for when choosing a mate.
I attended a predominately black elementary and high school. I observed the dynamics and truthfully, black boys appeared to be more interested in impressing their peers and building a bad reputation.
Why is a reputation important to them? 1) it makes them feel good and 2) it gets the girls.
Which peer gender is most important for a young boy to impress? GIRLS. To illustrate, all a boy has to do to impress other boys is have all the girls like him. Athletes aside, many of the most popular boys in my school did not play a sport, were not involved in anything, did not make good grades, and did not have any talent. All of them had the love of girls as the factor for popularity.
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Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
My question is, why are they drawn to the lowest denominator of girls? Surely, there are pretty girls that aren't interested in thugs or criminality. The mere fact that so many young black girls are enrolling in college attests to this. Why would the same girls who are devoting time to their studies even entertain a drug dealer? It makes absolutely no sense.
Read the news, and you'll see career women being killed by thug boyfriends often. Just because someone goes to college doesn't mean they don't desire the type of guy that's popular in their neighborhood. Her mindset may change once she leaves the hood, but that doesn't mean it never existed. Most of the time these women don't change their mindset on the type of man she wants until she nears age 30.
Also, many of these women obtaining degrees aren't going to college at age 18. Many of them are going back to school after they've given birth to these same bad guys' kids and have decided to get their lives together for their children. I know in the media they try to make us believe there's a bunch of single, childless black women with degrees, but I've been around enough colleges and business to see that many of these graduates and career women are single mothers who went back to school.
Finally, this group of women are less than 20% of black women! 80% of black women DO NOT have college degrees so you're using a small group to argue your point.
I am proud the numbers of African-Americans who attend college are rising, but we still have to be real about the makeup of those numbers.
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Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
The only plausible explanation is, like attracts like. Heterosexual boys and men are attracted to good looking woman. But I refuse to believe that most pretty black girls are only interested in thugs. I am speaking from experience. I am attractive and I've never dated thugs. When I was in grade school, I dated guys that were in honors classes. I've always been drawn to very smart males.
I'm thankful you were that way, and maybe you had good parenting. You are not the norm, you're the exception, unfortunately. If you were the norm, these hood boys would have been eliminated from the gene pool by now. If most of these women are like you, who is giving birth to these kids and raising them in poverty?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
What's really going on is, black boys find themselves enamored with girls who resemble rap video models. Perhaps these boys believe that they must emulate 50 cent or lil wayne to impress these girls. There is probably some validity to your statements, but my point is, at what point is the boy responsible for his own actions?
Your rap video example displays AGAIN that it's really all about the women. If they had better parenting, this would be countered.
I'm not giving the boys or girls a pass until they are old enough to see the real world. I put it on the parents before that point. Many do grow up and realize what they did wrong, the difference is the boys now have criminal records and multiple kids. Many girls have multiple kids too, but at least they can turn their lives around, go to college, and obtain a job since they don't have criminal records.
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Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
Talk about irony. The same guys who engage in criminal activity, often spend years behind bars. If a guy was truly interested in women, why would he spend so much time engaging in behavior that leads to being in the sole company of men? Strange indeed.
You're assuming they're thinking with the long term in mind. Without parental guidance, young people act on short term impulses. That boy is not thinking about being stuck with men in jail when he sells those drugs, he's thinking about what he's going to buy to impress the ladies. This is no different than the young girl who doesn't go get free birth control from the health dept to avoid having multiple kids at a young age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
It's very idealistic to state that, if 'all girls did this, most of the bad boys would adapt..." Guess what, if all boys simply studied and didn't engage in criminal activity, the inner cities wouldn't be crime ridden. The reality is, people choose the lifestyle that they want to lead. If a boy chooses to engage in criminal activity because he believes it will garner more attention from women, that's HIS DECISION.
Once again, children act on short term impulses. They see the potential gains and act on it without looking at future consequences. Strong parenting is what usually counters this. We'd see the same behavior in kids of any background if they didn't have strong parenting to counter impulse behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
I believe elementary and jr/hs is a time for teens to learn about themselves and their surroundings. Teens are going to mess up and make mistakes.
I agree, and if your surroundings tell you being anti-intellectual, or being a thug, a player, or a clown gets you the ladies, that's what many go far, unless one has strong parenting or is naturally an independent thinker.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
You are however suggesting that black girls should be perfect. Do you really believe that most teenage girls have the mental capacity to behave as a grown mature woman? I do not. This is why the onous is really on the parents, not other children.
You're staying exactly what I've said already! I don't blame the girls, I blame their parents primarily. I'm simply explaining the reasons, not the blame for why young boys make these choices. I DO NOT hold immature teenage girls accountable for being perfect, just so young immature teenage boys can stop making bad choices to impress them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
Black American boys (and girls) usually grow up without a proper male role model/father in the home. This is the real culprit, which explains why so many boys do not know the true meaning of being a man, and why so many girls, do not know which qualities to look for when choosing a mate.
We're basically saying the same thing. The only difference is I'm explaining why these boys make their bad decisions. To make it simple:
Bad parenting = girls making bad choices in boys = boys making bad lifestyle choices to impress girls.
Does this make sense now?
Last edited by Freedom123; 06-06-2012 at 04:28 PM..
Hopefully you didn't date the teachers either...........
I didn't,but looking back,maybe I should have. I guess they liked the maturity level I had.
I guess they wanted to have a young girl they could mold into the perfect wife,who knows.
I don't want to start the whole "white guys are child molesters" but a lot of the teachers were white.
Jerseygal - I like 'em thick. 130-190 certainly can be thick, and 130 can be thin (if she's 6-1).......I like big women, especially sistas. But don't believe for one minute that the plus side of 150 pounds is thin. That's a bit much to comprehend, even for me.
People carry their weight differently. I am medium framed, 5'7 and weigh 138lbs and I am slim. I wear sizes 6-9. If I were to lose 10-15+lbs I'd look gaunt and sickly.
As a slim and petite Black woman, I usually attract men that are looking for a slim and petite Black woman. I have found that men are quite specific in the kind of women they like. It's just that simple. The men that step to me are attracted to small women. They usually have nice physiques as well. I don't care about height in a guy. A short guy that takes care of himself is just as attractive as a tall guy that takes care of himself. Men that let themselves go physically often let themselves go in other key areas of life. In regard to education, I have found that most ambitious, educated men like ambitious educated women. Completing college is a great display of commitment. Most people drop out of college than graduate. What else are they going to drop out of? Where else is there a lack of commitment? These are reasons why college graduates desire other college graduates. You don't want to end up with someone that quits easily.
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