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Thinking back to a couple weeks ago when a non-white wondered what a birthday party put on by white folks would be like, I think it appropriate to explain more about what makes white people tick. As a white person for several decades, I believe myself up to the task. Let's start with their likes.
These are things that your average white person really likes:
- Sit-down chain restaurants on Friday nights. It's like a suburban white meat temple at your local Chili's or Applebee's on a Friday night. Yes, the food is terrible, but you can practically suck in the stale whiteness that will warm your white soul in such places.
- Farmer's markets. White people love farmer's markets, in part, because it allows them to venture into the city during daylight hours when there is less of a chance of a Negro attacking them.
- Cargo shorts. White people love cargo shorts in the summer months. If you see a white man under the age of 50 who is wearing shorts other than cargo shorts in July, call me immediately.
- Mad Men. Now that we all have cable, Mad Men is "must-see" television for white people. It harkens back to an era when white people were at the top of their games.
- Minivans. Ask yourself this, if you had 2.3 white children, would a four-door sedan be large enough for all 3.3 or 4.3 of you to go to the youth soccer game? Of course not.
- Oprah. White women love Oprah. In the same way Bill Clinton was the first black president, Oprah is the first honorary white person.
- Self-help books. White people simply have more challenges and obstacles than everyone else. Fortunately, there are people out there who have most of the solutions to their problems, and they've written it all down, which leads me to...
- Kindles. White people love Kindles. It's like a book, but even better because there are buttons and stuff.
- Pets. White people accumulate pets like toads accumulate warts. It's a proven fact. Look it up in whogo's science book.
- Motorcycles. Middle-aged white men love motorcycles so much, they will even put on black leather chaps, bandanas and shave their arms just to have the pleasure of riding a crappy piece of machinery from Milwaukee, Wisconsin with only two wheels.
- Guns. White people love guns. This is mostly because white people believe it be self-evident that criminals will want to target them before any other groups.
- Closure. When something bad happens, from a death in the family all the way down to the pineapple upside down cake that didn't turn out, you will frequently hear white people speak of the need to have "closure."
What white people don't like:
- Black men. I cannot properly convey the terror they experience in words.
- Being the objects of humor. Yes, they've heard and even indulged in humor about other groups, but when the humor is pointed back upon them, they cannot be offended fast enough. Tell a joke about white people and watch the righteous indignation rise as thick as steam into the atmosphere.
- Taxes. White people hate taxes. They think those taxes are going to poor black people who spend it on crack and Colt 45 and rap music.
- Foreign languages. They're confusing to American white people and it makes them feel out of the loop. I really should have "being out of the loop" as a separate dislike, but I'll just stick it here.
- Mean people. In fact, some have gone so far as to have, "Mean people s*ck" made into a bumper sticker. Many a therapy session has been scheduled just to help white people deal with a mean person in their lives who is just, like, totally ruining their lives.
And the number one thing that white people love: anything they can steal from black people.
Not to supriseing you would find it funny.............
What if I started the Black people like list with.:
crack
Stolen guns
Crackwhores
Welfare
Would you find that funny?????
Possibly if you started the list with basketball, boxers and fried chicken people might find it funny. When you start it with a bunch of negative stuff probably not. While CC is clearly ignorant on the scientific front his stereotypes are not all that offensive,
Thinking back to a couple weeks ago when a non-white wondered what a birthday party put on by white folks would be like, I think it appropriate to explain more about what makes white people tick. As a white person for several decades, I believe myself up to the task. Let's start with their likes.
These are things that your average white person really likes:
- Sit-down chain restaurants on Friday nights. It's like a suburban white meat temple at your local Chili's or Applebee's on a Friday night. Yes, the food is terrible, but you can practically suck in the stale whiteness that will warm your white soul in such places.
i prefer take out instead. as to the food at chilis or applebees, it isnt bad.
Quote:
- Farmer's markets. White people love farmer's markets, in part, because it allows them to venture into the city during daylight hours when there is less of a chance of a Negro attacking them.
i dont fear attacks from other people. as to farmers markets, i dont go to them.
Quote:
- Cargo shorts. White people love cargo shorts in the summer months. If you see a white man under the age of 50 who is wearing shorts other than cargo shorts in July, call me immediately.
i dont wear shorts, i just dont have the legs for them.
Quote:
- Mad Men. Now that we all have cable, Mad Men is "must-see" television for white people. It harkens back to an era when white people were at the top of their games.
i have never, and i will likely never watch an episode of mad men. i prefer more intellectual shows like the universe, and other science programs.
Quote:
- Minivans. Ask yourself this, if you had 2.3 white children, would a four-door sedan be large enough for all 3.3 or 4.3 of you to go to the youth soccer game? Of course not.
with a couple of exceptions, the aerostar and the astro(the cargo versions), and perhaps the transit, i loath minivans. they can all burn to the ground for all i care.
Quote:
- Self-help books. White people simply have more challenges and obstacles than everyone else. Fortunately, there are people out there who have most of the solutions to their problems, and they've written it all down, which leads me to...
i dont read slef help books, i dont need them. i prefer something with some action between the pages.
Quote:
- Kindles. White people love Kindles. It's like a book, but even better because there are buttons and stuff.
i dont, and very likely wont, own a kindle or other electronic book platform. i prefer to read actual books instead.
Quote:
- Pets. White people accumulate pets like toads accumulate warts. It's a proven fact. Look it up in whogo's science book.
sorry you lose again, i have no pets. i did in the past, many years ago, but no longer.
Quote:
- Motorcycles. Middle-aged white men love motorcycles so much, they will even put on black leather chaps, bandanas and shave their arms just to have the pleasure of riding a crappy piece of machinery from Milwaukee, Wisconsin with only two wheels.
i have no use for motorcycles. i did want one at one time, but i have gotten over that long ago.
Quote:
- Guns. White people love guns. This is mostly because white people believe it be self-evident that criminals will want to target them before any other groups.
i do own a few firearms, and i rather like shooting them. i dont need them for self defense.
Quote:
- Closure. When something bad happens, from a death in the family all the way down to the pineapple upside down cake that didn't turn out, you will frequently hear white people speak of the need to have "closure."
it seems to me that only liberals need closure. when something bad happens in my family, i just move on like a healthy person would.
What white people don't like:
Quote:
- Black men. I cannot properly convey the terror they experience in words.
perhaps you dont like black men, me i dont care about the color of a persons skin, i judge them by their character.
Quote:
- Being the objects of humor. Yes, they've heard and even indulged in humor about other groups, but when the humor is pointed back upon them, they cannot be offended fast enough. Tell a joke about white people and watch the righteous indignation rise as thick as steam into the atmosphere.
tell all the jokes about me you want, i will probably even laugh at them along with you. i just consider the source.
Quote:
- Taxes. White people hate taxes. They think those taxes are going to poor black people who spend it on crack and Colt 45 and rap music.
i dont know of ANYONE that likes taxes, so this is a moot point.
Quote:
- Foreign languages. They're confusing to American white people and it makes them feel out of the loop. I really should have "being out of the loop" as a separate dislike, but I'll just stick it here.
i have no real desire to learn another language.
Quote:
- Mean people. In fact, some have gone so far as to have, "Mean people s*ck" made into a bumper sticker. Many a therapy session has been scheduled just to help white people deal with a mean person in their lives who is just, like, totally ruining their lives.
i usually ignore "mean" people. i am well balanced that i dont need therapy, again i just consider teh source.
'As a white person for several decades' - me too, I recently became black per the one drop rule so things be a changin.
Oh man, I hate mayonnaise. I carry around a secret supply of Jamaican hot sauce for when when my cracker relatives makes me some white bread and ham and mayo-smothered sandwich. And I'm supposedly white but I look like a Mexican and hate mayonnaise.
One thing white folks do love also though: Triscuits.
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