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Thinking back to a couple weeks ago when a non-white wondered what a birthday party put on by white folks would be like, I think it appropriate to explain more about what makes white people tick. As a white person for several decades, I believe myself up to the task. Let's start with their likes.
These are things that your average white person really likes:
- Sit-down chain restaurants on Friday nights. It's like a suburban white meat temple at your local Chili's or Applebee's on a Friday night. Yes, the food is terrible, but you can practically suck in the stale whiteness that will warm your white soul in such places.
- Farmer's markets. White people love farmer's markets, in part, because it allows them to venture into the city during daylight hours when there is less of a chance of a Negro attacking them.
- Cargo shorts. White people love cargo shorts in the summer months. If you see a white man under the age of 50 who is wearing shorts other than cargo shorts in July, call me immediately.
- Mad Men. Now that we all have cable, Mad Men is "must-see" television for white people. It harkens back to an era when white people were at the top of their games.
- Minivans. Ask yourself this, if you had 2.3 white children, would a four-door sedan be large enough for all 3.3 or 4.3 of you to go to the youth soccer game? Of course not.
- Oprah. White women love Oprah. In the same way Bill Clinton was the first black president, Oprah is the first honorary white person.
- Self-help books. White people simply have more challenges and obstacles than everyone else. Fortunately, there are people out there who have most of the solutions to their problems, and they've written it all down, which leads me to...
- Kindles. White people love Kindles. It's like a book, but even better because there are buttons and stuff.
- Pets. White people accumulate pets like toads accumulate warts. It's a proven fact. Look it up in whogo's science book.
- Motorcycles. Middle-aged white men love motorcycles so much, they will even put on black leather chaps, bandanas and shave their arms just to have the pleasure of riding a crappy piece of machinery from Milwaukee, Wisconsin with only two wheels.
- Guns. White people love guns. This is mostly because white people believe it be self-evident that criminals will want to target them before any other groups.
- Closure. When something bad happens, from a death in the family all the way down to the pineapple upside down cake that didn't turn out, you will frequently hear white people speak of the need to have "closure."
What white people don't like:
- Black men. I cannot properly convey the terror they experience in words.
- Being the objects of humor. Yes, they've heard and even indulged in humor about other groups, but when the humor is pointed back upon them, they cannot be offended fast enough. Tell a joke about white people and watch the righteous indignation rise as thick as steam into the atmosphere.
- Taxes. White people hate taxes. They think those taxes are going to poor black people who spend it on crack and Colt 45 and rap music.
- Foreign languages. They're confusing to American white people and it makes them feel out of the loop. I really should have "being out of the loop" as a separate dislike, but I'll just stick it here.
- Mean people. In fact, some have gone so far as to have, "Mean people s*ck" made into a bumper sticker. Many a therapy session has been scheduled just to help white people deal with a mean person in their lives who is just, like, totally ruining their lives.
And like should include gazebos, trips to the shore, bargain matinees, and Honey Boo Boo. Not that I want to stereotype anyone... pee-wee football, movie comedies about talking babies, socks with sandals, books about weight loss, Trader Joe's, frozen quiche....
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-08-2012 at 07:09 PM..
The OP has watched too many Moore movies.
In that entire list.
I have a kindle. Why? It can store about a thousand books, kindle versions are cheaper than hard copy oh and they down load within seconds. Wow big bad mystery.
Guns. Some people enjoy target shooting. There is very little crime where I live. I seldom lock my doors. What part of target shooting equals fear of criminals?
Blackmen? As a vet I not only served with black men I lived with them. Ate with them and partied with them. My best friend was a black man I was there when he died.
Thise thread is nothing but troll bait.
09-08-2012, 07:10 PM
2K5Gx2km
n/a posts
Don't forget we all like MAYO - YUMMY!
'As a white person for several decades' - me too, I recently became black per the one drop rule so things be a changin.
The OP has watched too many Moore movies.
In that entire list.
I have a kindle. Why? It can store about a thousand books, kindle versions are cheaper than hard copy oh and they down load within seconds. Wow big bad mystery.
Guns. Some people enjoy target shooting. There is very little crime where I live. I seldom lock my doors. What part of target shooting equals fear of criminals? Blackmen? As a vet I not only served with black men I lived with them. Ate with them and partied with them. My best friend was a black man I was there when he died.
Thise thread is nothing but troll bait.
Thank you for dispelling this myth. I know many white people, and NONE fear black men. Why should they?
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