What white people like: An insider's view (regular, school, party)

[cometclear]

Originally Posted by Natural510

You forgot NASCAR.

NASCAR! How could I forget NASCAR??? Not a non-white face in the house.

Golf. White people love golf. Way back when, white people said, "Okay, we can share our restaurants with you. We can allow you to work alongside us in close quarters. We can even allow you to share our bathroom, but we'll be dam*ed if we're going to allow you on our golf courses!!! That's sacred white ground!!!!!!"

[Donn2390]

Originally Posted by cometclear

Thinking back to a couple weeks ago when a non-white wondered what a birthday party put on by white folks would be like, I think it appropriate to explain more about what makes white people tick. As a white person for several decades, I believe myself up to the task. Let's start with their likes.

These are things that your average white person really likes:

- Sit-down chain restaurants on Friday nights. It's like a suburban white meat temple at your local Chili's or Applebee's on a Friday night. Yes, the food is terrible, but you can practically suck in the stale whiteness that will warm your white soul in such places.
- Farmer's markets. White people love farmer's markets, in part, because it allows them to venture into the city during daylight hours when there is less of a chance of a Negro attacking them.
- Cargo shorts. White people love cargo shorts in the summer months. If you see a white man under the age of 50 who is wearing shorts other than cargo shorts in July, call me immediately.
- Mad Men. Now that we all have cable, Mad Men is "must-see" television for white people. It harkens back to an era when white people were at the top of their games.
- Minivans. Ask yourself this, if you had 2.3 white children, would a four-door sedan be large enough for all 3.3 or 4.3 of you to go to the youth soccer game? Of course not.
- Oprah. White women love Oprah. In the same way Bill Clinton was the first black president, Oprah is the first honorary white person.
- Self-help books. White people simply have more challenges and obstacles than everyone else. Fortunately, there are people out there who have most of the solutions to their problems, and they've written it all down, which leads me to...
- Kindles. White people love Kindles. It's like a book, but even better because there are buttons and stuff.
- Pets. White people accumulate pets like toads accumulate warts. It's a proven fact. Look it up in whogo's science book.
- Motorcycles. Middle-aged white men love motorcycles so much, they will even put on black leather chaps, bandanas and shave their arms just to have the pleasure of riding a crappy piece of machinery from Milwaukee, Wisconsin with only two wheels.
- Guns. White people love guns. This is mostly because white people believe it be self-evident that criminals will want to target them before any other groups.
- Closure. When something bad happens, from a death in the family all the way down to the pineapple upside down cake that didn't turn out, you will frequently hear white people speak of the need to have "closure."

What white people don't like:

- Black men. I cannot properly convey the terror they experience in words.
- Being the objects of humor. Yes, they've heard and even indulged in humor about other groups, but when the humor is pointed back upon them, they cannot be offended fast enough. Tell a joke about white people and watch the righteous indignation rise as thick as steam into the atmosphere.
- Taxes. White people hate taxes. They think those taxes are going to poor black people who spend it on crack and Colt 45 and rap music.
- Foreign languages. They're confusing to American white people and it makes them feel out of the loop. I really should have "being out of the loop" as a separate dislike, but I'll just stick it here.
- Mean people. In fact, some have gone so far as to have, "Mean people s*ck" made into a bumper sticker. Many a therapy session has been scheduled just to help white people deal with a mean person in their lives who is just, like, totally ruining their lives.

Like most of your posts, it wasn't worth reading. A rambling, ranting nothing...

[rudegubmintworker]

1. No. Food generally sucks, too many screaming kids.
2. Yep. Anywhere which sells local produce not grown over the border.
3. No. Don't like cargo shorts. Don't like any shorts. Don't own any.
4. No. Never have watched one second of that show.
5. Never liked santimonious Oprah.
6. Nope. Not a bit. Compact car, take the bus or my feet when possible.
7. Never read one, unless you count a yoga principles book.
8. Don't own one, don't want one.
9. Pets, yes, love my cats. Like pets better than people, too many people suck.
10. Nope. Will never get on one. Since you referred to men, husband never wants one, either.
11. Yep, have some antique guns and like going target shooting.
12. Don't want it. Doesn't exist, made up word.

From the don't like list:

13. Color has nothing to do with it, nor sex. See answer number 9.
14. Don't really care if someone wants to poke fun of me because of ________. I would have to care more about people's opinions of me, but see answer number 9.
15. Only hate taxes when I have to write a check each year but others I know get refunds even though they had zero tax liability because they popped out kydz they don't make enough money to afford.
16. Nope. Don't care if people never learn English when living in this country, just get irritated as a customer service clerk it's expected I'm supposed to speak their language. Would have to be interested in learning another language to agree with them, but alas, I am not.
17. See answer number 9.

I'm only part white, btw.

[cometclear]

Originally Posted by rudegubmintworker

1. No. Food generally sucks, too many screaming kids.
2. Yep. Anywhere which sells local produce not grown over the border.
3. No. Don't like cargo shorts. Don't like any shorts. Don't own any.
4. No. Never have watched one second of that show.
5. Never liked santimonious Oprah.
6. Nope. Not a bit. Compact car, take the bus or my feet when possible.
7. Never read one, unless you count a yoga principles book.
8. Don't own one, don't want one.
9. Pets, yes, love my cats. Like pets better than people, too many people suck.
10. Nope. Will never get on one. Since you referred to men, husband never wants one, either.
11. Yep, have some antique guns and like going target shooting.
12. Don't want it. Doesn't exist, made up word.

From the don't like list:

13. Color has nothing to do with it, nor sex. See answer number 9.
14. Don't really care if someone wants to poke fun of me because of ________. I would have to care more about people's opinions of me, but see answer number 9.
15. Only hate taxes when I have to write a check each year but others I know get refunds even though they had zero tax liability because they popped out kydz they don't make enough money to afford.
16. Nope. Don't care if people never learn English when living in this country, just get irritated as a customer service clerk it's expected I'm supposed to speak their language. Would have to be interested in learning another language to agree with them, but alas, I am not.
17. See answer number 9.

I'm only part white, btw.

As a customer service clerk, it would be impossible for you not to be a misanthrope. Everyone should be required to work in some sort of customer service/retail capacity at some point in their lives.

[TrapperJohn]

Things black people like:

My bike. My stereo. My TV.

See how that works?

[Hirilorn]

Originally Posted by cometclear

What white people don't like:

- Being the objects of humor. Yes, they've heard and even indulged in humor about other groups, but when the humor is pointed back upon them, they cannot be offended fast enough. Tell a joke about white people and watch the righteous indignation rise as thick as steam into the atmosphere.

Looking at this thread, there seems to be a bit of truth to this point. Hehehe...

I'd add Apple (tech brand) and Home Depot to the 'like' list. Also, white people despise rain and snow.

[nimchimpsky]

This thread is like a badly done version of Stuff White People Like.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Shiloh1

If I were starving I would not touch a mayoed sandwich

OOOOH! Triscuits -them be good. Only problem is they will shred your damn mouth

My current addiction are fig neutons... I live the mint oreo cookies or little mint candies but they mysteriously vanish in a few hours. I'm trying to redirect the munchies to something which lasts a while. And I hate triscuts... but ritz crackers, YUMMY. And puffed wheat cerial. That will definately shread your mouth. Beware of tomato sauce afterwards.

I prefer cheesespread on sandwitches over mayo.

Originally Posted by nightbird47

My current addiction are fig neutons... I live the mint oreo cookies or little mint candies but they mysteriously vanish in a few hours. I'm trying to redirect the munchies to something which lasts a while. And I hate triscuts... but ritz crackers, YUMMY. And puffed wheat cerial. That will definately shread your mouth. Beware of tomato sauce afterwards.

I prefer cheesespread on sandwitches over mayo.

Oh I had a year long run on the figs - YUM! Ritz Crackers - see Eddie Murphy - 'that aint no ordinary cracker that's a Ritz cracker' -(licks fingers with eyes wide open) He! He!

I do love Vanilla Wafers and Grahm Crackers - I bet I could make a million if I came up with Ebony Wafers What is with the 'white' lingo in these products

[btownboss4]

Originally Posted by cometclear

NASCAR! How could I forget NASCAR??? Not a non-white face in the house.

Golf. White people love golf. Way back when, white people said, "Okay, we can share our restaurants with you. We can allow you to work alongside us in close quarters. We can even allow you to share our bathroom, but we'll be dam*ed if we're going to allow you on our golf courses!!! That's sacred white ground!!!!!!"

I think you mean men, you see women aren't allowed in the US open 100% men.