Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My opinion is that the social world (and much of life) revolves around extroverts. In my experience, extroversion is seen as the normal default setting for human behavior; and introversion, in contrast, is often seen as a deficiency of some sort. Again, this is just my own personal opinion borne out from my own limited life experience. As a naturally introverted guy, I have often been told to 'talk more' or 'say something' when in various social situations. To me, being quiet or not saying much at all feels perfectly normal to me. If I have something to say, I will say it; if I have a question to ask, I will ask it. But I don't see why I should just manufacture talk just for the sake of being talkative.
I will say, however, that I feel a lot of social pressure to be more extroverted when in many social situations. Much of what is considered polite social behavior seems to revolve around being fairly talkative and engaged, which is not my normal modus operandi. So, to act socially appropriate and to meet the expected social norms governing many of our social interactions, I often force myself to be more extroverted and talkative; that is to say, I fake being interested in conversations and in people when I am really not interested. I act attentive, I show the 'correct' facial expressions, I used the proper vocal range, etc; I become a good actor simply as a means to meet the social demands/expectations of whichever social situation I happen to be in at any given time. Doing this, obviously, makes me feel as if I am betraying myself somewhat, but it is purely at a superficial level, and it is done for pro-social reasons (read: to act correctly and behave in an expected manner), so whatever fakery I employ is done for positive reasons.
And that fakery applies to everyone I am assuming, since it would be impossible for any single person to never wear a social mask (which covers many of our true thoughts/beliefs) and to always be completely transparent 24/7. We are all actors, at least much of the time during our social lives. So, often times I 'act' more extroverted simply because to not do so might be seen as my being rude or uncaring.
Very well said! You just described me as well. I think the difference between you and I is I wish I was extroverted. Maybe I'm discounting the strengths introverts have and things my own strengths, but I think I would be a lot more successful both personally and professionally if I was an extrovert. I just believe my life would have been much easier. Oh well, some things just can't be changed.
Very well said! You just described me as well. I think the difference between you and I is I wish I was extroverted. Maybe I'm discounting the strengths introverts have and things my own strengths, but I think I would be a lot more successful both personally and professionally if I was an extrovert. I just believe my life would have been much easier. Oh well, some things just can't be changed.
I think you're in your 40s? I'm probably 15 years older than that, and I think through both of our formative years and beyond introverts were often viewed as broken extroverts. I see that changing, but it's still accurate to say that being introverted is something like being left handed. The world isn't designed for us, and we have to adapt and to carry that awareness that we're different.
Different, but not inferior. In fact, I'd venture to say that extraverts are "inferior" in terms of functioning.
They have this NEED for attention from other people that we just don't have to deal with. Sure they might look like they're doing so well in social situations, but it's all dependent on other people. I can't imagine going through life, unable to be alone, feeling lonely, and hardly ever attending to my own internal experiences. Plus, I can fake sociability well enough to work a room when needed, but I still have the peace of my own internal self that extros don't seem to understand.
I think of extros like people with insulin-dependent diabetes. They have an extreme need that I just don't have, and I'm grateful to not have it. If they ever ended up deserted on an island, they'd shrivel up and die of loneliness, even if they had ample food and water. The whole last season of the TV show Alone illustrated it well: most of the people who tapped out didn't do so because of lack of food or fire, or fear of predators. They tapped out because they were lonely. Severely lonely, to the point that they were having mood swings, depression, anxiety, and losing any sense of meaning in their lives.
Sure they might be excellent at "working a room" during a party, or "networking" at a conference, but I would never trade what I am as an introvert for that surface "happiness."
Americansociety discriminates heavily against introverts. I've been to Japan and they are very reserved there. Many of them seemed quite shy. In fact, they get mad when people talk loudly, or really at all when using public transportation. It kind of surprised me to experience a fairly introverted society.
At every office I've worked at (here in the U.S.), I've caught quite a bit of flak for not socializing with my coworkers. I'm very polite and nice to the people I work with. However, I just don't care to get to know them or chat with them about not-work related stuff. I've had the "not a team player" label thrown at me quite a few times, I've been called a "snob," "standoffish," etc. I heard a manager at my old job claim that he hired someone for an accounting job because he was "personable." Why crunching numbers all day requires someone to be personable is beyond me, but apparently that was important to my old manager.
Not having close friends or dating is seen as pathetic here, as is doing things on your own like going to movies, traveling alone, eating alone, etc. Loners are viewed as mentally unstable and potentially dangerous. So yeah, I'd say that American society has a problem with introverts.
Last edited by statisticsnerd; 08-21-2016 at 03:54 PM..
At every office I've worked at (here in the U.S.), I've caught quite a bit of flak for not socializing with my coworkers. I'm very polite and nice to the people I work with. However, I just don't care to get to know them or chat with them about not-work related stuff. I've had the "not a team player" label thrown at me quite a few times, I've been called a "snob," "standoffish," etc. I heard a manager at my old job claim that he hired someone for an accounting job because he was "personable." Why crunching numbers all day requires someone to be personable is beyond me, but apparently that was important to my old manager.
My wife and I are both introverted but she is more social and was raised in a family of social-climbing types so she was constantly pushed outside her comfort zone to "fake it". As a result she values what she calls "rising to the occasion". When we go out with friends she is always complaining that I am not sufficiently effusive and enthusiastic and seem cold and distant at times. Whereas I feel she is sucking people's posterior orifices and we are staying up way too late with people who aren't that interesting.
We do our best to meet in the middle. I think she needs to go easier on herself (and me) and quit putting on her exhausting performances. Since she's every bit the introvert I am, she ends up exhausted near to the point of collapse by the end of the night. I have no desire to feel like that. On the other hand, I was raised in a family of introverts, and never learned to stretch myself at all, and in fact, I know that I seem like a cold fish or indifferent when that's not my internal state at all. I need to work on my endurance in social settings so that its good for more than about 90 minutes. Unfortunately we can't be terribly picky about our friends and the current learning lab is a couple who are moving in next door who are a bit more affected upper middle class types like my wife's parents were. You can imagine the dynamic. To make matters worse they want to ply you with wine until you're practically under the table, which serves as social lubricant because the couple are actually shy and insecure and live in mortal terror of showing it.
Yeah, life is hell for an introvert trying to interact with extroverts. At this point in my life the last thing I want to do anymore is stay up until midnight making small talk with uninteresting, shallow people. But my wife wants a couples social life once in awhile so I play along, at least until she wearies of it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
