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I completely understand how you feel, I have the same!! I hope you read this since its' been quite a while since you wrote this, but I have the same. I can pretend that I love someone, but never actually feel sort of love. And as soon as a relationship comes closer I sum up all the flaws of the guy and eventually start to be annoyed whenever he does something...
Love is not the sensation. Love is feeling compassionate beyond a normal scope towards another. However creating lasting relationshipLove is seeing a person's mental design a certain way, and believing it to be the notch to your dovetail wafer. I have news for you. The notch can change, and so do you. Eventually many discovered non fitting a tributes begin to surface as time marches on. This is where actual love finally shows up. The ability to compromise, talk productively, and bend to the needs and wants of your counterpart. Odds are, that if you've been with the same person awhile and still mutually fit each other with these hypothetical notches. You can potentially spend your life maintaining a compromise that is mutually satisfying. My advice is to scrutinize with extreme prejudice before commitment. Then and only then commit with an understanding that the fitting notches you have left after this trial period are your basic rate of notches that will be lost in the future. If you have sensationalism persuasion anywhere in this scientific decision you will be following the leap of faith theory. Leaps of faith only work with people that do not get emotional about anything, no anger, no quick decisions, no irrational actions at all. Oh and the ability to overlook anything that they shouldn't have to. This leap of faith is almost as bad as traditional pairing. Some say "we just knew it". And are happy through the end of life. I say to that LUCK.
Omg! I don't agree with some of these posts but they have a right to their opinions. For starters please remember everybody in the world has a kink for whatever reason. I think you might find your answers if you do some research on bonding wounds, and false bonding through inability to love. You are not alone. You are a not psychotic. You do not need a psychiatrist. A therapist I think would be helpful if you can find a good one. If you do have this it will take some time and effort especially because you won't want to do it due to the bonding wound. Well wishes!
It's been 2 1/2 years since the OP started this thread. I wish she'd come back and update us on what she's done to improve her situation or on what discoveries she's made.
It would seem we are much alike in this. I used to feel very strong affection for people as a child but as I have come into adulthood my ability to love or truly care has fizzled out. It's all pretend now. I do still care for people in the sense that I don't want people to suffer or be mistreated but beyond that I have no love for my fellow man and have a complete inability to form bonds with anyone. Like you, I know I've been loved by others but have a total inability to love them back. It's burdensome having to pretend to care or be interested in those around you. I find myself withdrawing from others more and more as time goes on.
I know exactly how you feel. Dig deep and you will know why.
Could it be that some people are unable to feel love? I am 49 years old and have been loved, deeply loved by many men thru out my life. I have loved none. A few times I thought I did, but invariably the "feeling" went away very quickly. Eventually I loose all interest in the man, to the point that I can not stand his smell, his personality, or being touched by him. I only feel disgust.
I don't feel any deep love toward my still living mother. Or relatives. The love for my child did not come instantly like I always heard women say about their own children.
I have never been faithful. Never once. I don't feel great sadness over the mishaps or tragedies of others. I resent women who try to get too friendly.
I don't want to be alone, and so I have forced myself to stay in my present relationship. I know if I leave this one, it will be the exact same all over again with the next one. I am exceptional at making a man feel that he is loved. My ability for deception is something to behold. I see couples who still love each other after many years and I do not believe that they actually do feel that way.
I have been to a few counselors but after the first meeting I can tell that there is nothing to be gained. Perhaps I need a very specific type of counselor, or a psychologist?
I know that it is not "normal" to feel, or "not feel" like I do. There has to be something wrong, in my brain perhaps. Could anyone give me advice as to what kind of health or mental professional I need to see? Is there anyone reading this who is like me?[/quote]
Last edited by SimplyUnbelivable; 01-17-2016 at 07:21 PM..
Dear Petra, If you dig deep enough you would locate the source as to why you feel this way. I've felt this way as a child. I know or I believe I know why. I lack the full love of my mother and was physically and mentally abused by my brother and others. The manner in which I dealt with the mentally has left me with feelings of detachment, doesn't mean I don't want to love and feel love, I just can't or not for long. I pray about it and hope that it changes. I have a husband that has loved me for 27 years plus, and I remember what it was like to return the love, I pray one day that the lord will allowed it.. I wish you all the very best of luck. This is just a very sad situation but you do your best to make the best out of it... ]
This is EXACTLY, and I mean, EXACTLY, like me. I feel as though I am incapable of love, I feel nothing for others, but as you do, I do quite a good job at faking it. I completely disagree with any of those who commented that it is purely narcissism that causes you to be like this. I am not narcissistic, and I am not in denial, so they cannot immediately rule out all other options besides narcissism. But my main point is that it feels (oh my god I'm feeling something) so, so... relieving to know that there is someone out there who (almost word for word) sounds exactly like me, in this area. So although I do not have any advice, as I am in the same anti-love boat, I want you to know that (though you may not care, I don't know what type(s) of caring your incapability of feeling affects) someone out there feels exactly like you and is grateful that you have shown them they are not entirely alone in this. I hope it gets easier for you, if I find any solutions or concrete explanations to this, I'll let you know.
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I know exactly how you feel. Dig deep and you will know why.
