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I have often joked that I am not the man I used to be. But then I realized that I never WAS the man I used to be.
What I mean by that, is that as you grow older, you realize that you kid yourself about an awful lot of things concerning life and about yourself. One tends to have an inflated idea that they are a prime specimen of humanity and that they have a far better grasp on how to live life than they really do. Eventually you realize that you are just one more unremarkable person doing the best that they can. You make the same "stupid" mistakes you used to disparage in others. You aren't a special snowflake. Or put another way, you suck just as much as everyone else.
Once you are no longer the hero in your own personal melodrama you are free to be human and to live within your true scope. It's liberating, and allows you not to miss your salad days because while in some ways they were often simpler and more hopeful, they were also naive and misdirected in many ways.
Do you ever miss being your younger self, now that you are older?
I am currently in my early 30's...adult life is definitely not all it's made out to be in popular society; it's really just a rat race and a never-ending hamster treadmill, IMO TBH, I find that I actually miss and am frequently nostalgic for the days when I was younger (say 18 for example), quite a bit. To go backwards in time to happier, more care-free days, instead of forward, to the dreary and in some cases, the simply depressing life of the constantly-overworked, exhausting and ridiculously frenetic pace of adult life, where it seems all you do is work until you drop, if only from the pure exhaustion and fatigue...
Has anyone else ever felt like this?
I wish I could go back and avoid making some of the decisions that led me to where I'm at today. I am 31 myself and I feel like the best years of my life are over. I'm in a situation where I can't really change anything with my life because I don't have the financial means to do it. I don't want to be 18 again...that really wasn't a great time in my life. However, if I could be 22 again I would have made different decisions that would make my current life very different. Heck, if I could be 26 again I could have prevented myself from making the two worst decisions of my life...moving back to my hometown and making the financial decision that has me trapped here.
I think it depends on where you are. I am nowhere near financially where I should be, and I wish I could go back and un-do those mistakes. But, I can't.
So... I am where I am. And I have lived more years than I have left. Scary thought.
I do get really nostalgic. I'm 31 and I miss my high school years most. I liked studying and learning new things, had plenty of friends, going to lots of parties, had no problems with school, teachers liked me. University was good too. I think things started going down the hill when I met my boyfriend, with whom I've been for the past 4 years. I believe we're very different. I LOVE people - they give me so much energy, I love meeting them, spending time with them, chatting, exchanging ideas, laughing... Before I met my current boyfriend, I'd always had so many people around me. He's not a very sociable person, doesn't like going out, he's shy and not very confident. I used to take him out at the beginning with me but could see that he wasn't happy and didn't feel comfortable. He likes spending time at home on his own. And I'm so different! But somehow, I started staying at home with him, stopped going out, lost contact with people I knew (FYI: I moved to another country a couple of years ago and all of my childhood friends and family are not near me). I feel like I was on Sahara dessert yearning for a drop of water - I mean: missing people and having fun with them as only then life matters to me! I do go to work every day and there're people there but it's work and we're all busy and stressed, I guess, so it's not the same.
I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend is a very good person and I mean the world to him. I feel safe with him. I know deep down that I should leave him as he's not the one but it's so damn difficult... We've been renting a flat, sharing things. I'm worried I might regret leaving him as he's a very good human being that would never hurt me.
I'm sure I miss my old days as I had friends then and now it's basically only me and my boyfriend. It looks like he's happy with it and I'm not To make things worse, nearly all of my friends are getting married or are married already, planning kids and I wish I could still explore, learn and have fun. I don't think they understand me. I feel like I'm wasting my life and that I deserve sooo much more! I don't like my job either (used to be a teacher but moved to office job because the money's better).
I guess, I need to do some changes (scary and v important ones!) and maybe when I'm older I'd look back and not regret making them. Right now I'm just super miserable
We don't have kids, we're not married, no debts... How can I find that strength in myself and leave?
I do get really nostalgic. I'm 31 and I miss my high school years most. I liked studying and learning new things, had plenty of friends, going to lots of parties, had no problems with school, teachers liked me. University was good too. I think things started going down the hill when I met my boyfriend, with whom I've been for the past 4 years. I believe we're very different. I LOVE people - they give me so much energy, I love meeting them, spending time with them, chatting, exchanging ideas, laughing... Before I met my current boyfriend, I'd always had so many people around me. He's not a very sociable person, doesn't like going out, he's shy and not very confident. I used to take him out at the beginning with me but could see that he wasn't happy and didn't feel comfortable. He likes spending time at home on his own. And I'm so different! But somehow, I started staying at home with him, stopped going out, lost contact with people I knew (FYI: I moved to another country a couple of years ago and all of my childhood friends and family are not near me). I feel like I was on Sahara dessert yearning for a drop of water - I mean: missing people and having fun with them as only then life matters to me! I do go to work every day and there're people there but it's work and we're all busy and stressed, I guess, so it's not the same.
I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend is a very good person and I mean the world to him. I feel safe with him. I know deep down that I should leave him as he's not the one but it's so damn difficult... We've been renting a flat, sharing things. I'm worried I might regret leaving him as he's a very good human being that would never hurt me.
I'm sure I miss my old days as I had friends then and now it's basically only me and my boyfriend. It looks like he's happy with it and I'm not To make things worse, nearly all of my friends are getting married or are married already, planning kids and I wish I could still explore, learn and have fun. I don't think they understand me. I feel like I'm wasting my life and that I deserve sooo much more! I don't like my job either (used to be a teacher but moved to office job because the money's better).
I guess, I need to do some changes (scary and v important ones!) and maybe when I'm older I'd look back and not regret making them. Right now I'm just super miserable
We don't have kids, we're not married, no debts... How can I find that strength in myself and leave?
You are an extrovert and your boyfriend is an introvert. You should read up on what that actually is. Your boyfriend's shyness and lack of confidence is either separate from his introversion or you are misreading his introversion as shyness and lack of confidence when it's actually being withheld and relatively disinterested in socialization.
The difference between you is where your energy comes and goes from. As an extrovert, socializing energizes you; as an introvert, it would drain your boyfriend. As an introvert, he needs alone time to recharge. He may make an exception in many ways for his significant other (you) and to an extent, for one or two very close friends (quality over quantity).
Your move to another country has probably exacerbated the problem because your BF will be slow to make new friends, probably hasn't made any yet, and so he has all his eggs in your basket so to speak. Meanwhile you have lost your social network and may have some trouble of your own establishing a new one due to cultural and language barriers.
Given that you feel safe with and trust your BF and he is good to you, and clearly loves you, I do not know for sure that you need to "find the strength to leave" so much as you need a better understanding of how you can grow together and balance your separate and combined lives with greater understanding. It may be that the relationship simply can't work for you, but I sense that you aren't to the place yet where you can cleanly draw that conclusion. Relationship counseling might be a good idea, if the two of you can't talk it out calmly and openly.
I'm 65 and have lived a very full life, with every intention of hanging around for a few more years (universe willing).
I like what Satchel Paige said about life's rear-view mirror: "Never look back. Something might be gaining."
The most unhappy people I have ever known lived in the past, regretting choices made, or unmade. They wasted their present and future by endlessly replaying past events over which they had/have no control.
I spent much of my adult life in the furniture business. Decades of slugging dining room hutches, triple dressers and sofa beds made me strong.
Now, 15 or so years later, I know I'd struggle with some of lifting I did then. But I can still throw 40-50lb. bags of feed over my shoulder and climb a couple of flights of stairs. No doubt, in a year or four, I'm going to have use a handrail when climbing those stairs. But I won't look back on the years I could do so without such assistance. I'll be grateful I can climb stairs at all.
I do. My childhood was essentially robbed from me. I would love to get those years back, but I know that's impossible. I also wish I could go back and smack my younger self around the head for the bad decisions I made.
The only birthday that depressed me was when I turned 30. I felt like I was no longer young. Weird, huh ? All the rest were easy, but for some reason that one brought me down for a while.
Don
Yep, I can't think of any birthday that was a bit depressing like turning 30.
Turning 30, just felt much different then turning 21 or 25.
Sometimes I am nostalgic for when I was early 20s.
I don't really think much about being mid and late 20s.
I think in general though I am thankful that I grew up in an era that wasn't that long ago that was much simpler and less complicated compared to today.
I'm late 30s and yes, sometimes I do. I hate the lines and wrinkles around my eyes that prove I'm getting older. I hate that 20s are the most attractive and youthful years of one's life, which are now gone. I hate that a band I like is in their 20s, the most attractive, youthful, and appealing years. Sometimes I think about meeting them, but feel embarrassed because an "old lady" with lines on her face want to meet a band in their 20s. The reality is that I don't think I'll meet them, but it's just a thought I have that reminds me I'm getting older.
Emotionally, my 30s are definitely better. I felt so lost in my 20s with no career direction in life. It crushed me and I was depressed and hated myself, but I still could not push myself. I admired those who knew what they wanted to do and did the hard work to pursue it. I never had that ambition. I had a job that bored me to tears and I hated myself in my 20s because I had no ambition or drive career wise to pursue anything else.
Life got better in my 30s because I work for the family biz, and I finally have meaning in my career that I've always wanted. I also have children, and overall, I am very content. I never felt contentment in my 20s at all.
So the worst thing about getting older is looking old. The best thing is emotional and life stability.
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TBH, I find that I actually miss and am frequently nostalgic for the days when I was younger (say 18 for example), quite a bit. To go backwards in time to happier, more care-free days, instead of forward, to the dreary and in some cases, the simply depressing life of the constantly-overworked, exhausting and ridiculously frenetic pace of adult life, where it seems all you do is work until you drop, if only from the pure exhaustion and fatigue...
All the rest were easy, but for some reason that one brought me down for a while.
