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Old 12-21-2013, 09:00 AM
 
440 posts, read 668,607 times
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My reasons in order of reasoning and importance:

1.) I know I suffer from all kinds of mental disorders-social anxiety, depression, avoidant personality, bi-polar, mood swings(massive) and only I know the kind of torment I go through. There is no way in hell I'd want my child to go through the same. I have gone through phases where I go "better death than this life".

2.)Population explosion: Everywhere I go I see people. I am from a country with a population of 1.2 billion. Selfish people with self serving agenda(family, lineage continuation, society standing blah blah) who don't give a f@ck about the bigger, universal picture. What about the whales and the African lion. What about job prospect and environmental destruction.

3.)Too much responsibility: I see people with babies and it eats them. It is a massive responsibility-financially, emotionally. If I know I can't take care of my own self as of now I have no business bringing something just for the heck of it and becoming dependent on the system.

4.)selfishness: I want to be loved. More than anything.If my significant other will start paying the baby more attention I'd feel bad, especially since I am a late bloomer. I'd want sex lots of time, movie watching lots of time, just loving each other lots of time.

My parents are already aghast. They say it is my moral responsibility to give them grand kids.
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Old 12-21-2013, 10:06 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 10,228,445 times
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I would say the word is "realistic", not selfish necessarily.

And this should be between you and your spouse primarily. If there are good reasons not to have kids and you both agree, then that is what you should do.

I think it would be a mistake to have kids just so your parents can have grandchildren. That is unless they are willing to raise them and pay for them? If they were willing to do that, then that might be a possibility.
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Old 12-21-2013, 10:21 AM
 
726 posts, read 664,122 times
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Selfish to who? Do what you want. Kids ruin everything. They are an enormous burden. Our species is not relying on you to produce one. It is not your responsibility to provide your parents with grandkids at all - what is worse, upsetting your parents or living a life that you hate? Let them be upset.
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Old 12-23-2013, 02:41 AM
 
24,714 posts, read 26,785,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rishi85 View Post
My reasons in order of reasoning and importance:

1.) I know I suffer from all kinds of mental disorders-social anxiety, depression, avoidant personality, bi-polar, mood swings(massive) and only I know the kind of torment I go through. There is no way in hell I'd want my child to go through the same. I have gone through phases where I go "better death than this life".

2.)Population explosion: Everywhere I go I see people. I am from a country with a population of 1.2 billion. Selfish people with self serving agenda(family, lineage continuation, society standing blah blah) who don't give a f@ck about the bigger, universal picture. What about the whales and the African lion. What about job prospect and environmental destruction.

3.)Too much responsibility: I see people with babies and it eats them. It is a massive responsibility-financially, emotionally. If I know I can't take care of my own self as of now I have no business bringing something just for the heck of it and becoming dependent on the system.

4.)selfishness: I want to be loved. More than anything.If my significant other will start paying the baby more attention I'd feel bad, especially since I am a late bloomer. I'd want sex lots of time, movie watching lots of time, just loving each other lots of time.

My parents are already aghast. They say it is my moral responsibility to give them grand kids.
I disagree with #2. The birthrate worldwide is dropping. The biggest problem with the environment is about poor management, not overpopulation. Humans are short sighted, so they don't managed any resource particularly well (ranging from money to the natural environment).

However, all your other reasons are quite valid. If YOU don't feel up to it, please DO US ALL A FAVOR and DO NOT have children. PLEASE. Don't let your parents dictate your life to you. It is YOUR life. Not theirs. Unless they are going to legally adopt any child you have and raise it under their own roof and pay for the full cost of raising said child, they do not have a say in whether you have children or not.
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Old 12-23-2013, 02:44 AM
 
24,714 posts, read 26,785,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Selfish to who? Do what you want. Kids ruin everything. They are an enormous burden. Our species is not relying on you to produce one. It is not your responsibility to provide your parents with grandkids at all - what is worse, upsetting your parents or living a life that you hate? Let them be upset.
Exactly. And quite honestly, the OP can not make his/her parents upset. He/she is not responsible for their reactions. It is their choice to be upset (or not).
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Old 12-23-2013, 07:29 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
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Please don't have a kid unless you are 100% sure you are in it for the right reasons, and will try 100% to be a good parent.

My husbands parents had kids for all the wrong reasons, and now he is messed up today because of it. He was ultimately raised by his Grandmother, and even as an adult they never upped their game and tried to be a good parent. My husband is now 40, facing the death of the Grandmother that raised him, and doesn't have a parent figure there for him. His real parents are too busy and selfish! Don't have kids unless you are willing to give of yourself!
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,070 posts, read 8,560,010 times
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It is no one's moral responsibility to provide them with grandchildren. That's self-absorbed nonsense. However, it is culturally installed nonsense in a lot of societies and you have to cut your parents a bit of slack and understand that they are products of their generation and the expectations it instills. Just be polite but firm; having children for your own benefit is self-absorbed enough, but having them for someone else's benefit and choice RATHER than your own is just about guaranteed to be bad for the child AND the parents.

As for your reasons for not having children, in the great scheme of things, overpopulation is a self-limiting phenomenon; birth rates naturally fall when population density increases. You can't extrapolate future growth rates indefinitely. This doesn't mean that local overpopulation isn't an issue, just that global overpopulation is nowhere near the issue it has been made to be as an argument against having children. It is pretty thoroughly discredited empirically, but there are some alarmists who insist that an overpopulation doomsday is just around the corner. It sells books.

I would replace the overpopulation argument with the antinatalist argument, which is basically that existence is always a harm, that it is morally wrong to decide in advance for a child that their life is worth living, and that having a child essentially inflicts unchosen suffering on another being which may or may not outweigh the enjoyment they will derive from life. Not that this is an argument most people will support; I just think it's objectively true. Someone who never exists does not miss out on the good in life that they may or may not have had; no one who exists ever misses out on the suffering.

As others have said, regardless of the arguments used, no one should ever have kids unless you are 100% committed to the enormous responsibility involved. And you owe it to yourself to consider the potential benefits as much as the downsides. Even with my antinatalist sentiments I can acknowledge that being a father has been a unique experience and has taught me much, and at least one of my two children has in fact contributed a lot to humanity and feels that their life is worth it in spite of everything they've been through. In part, that's because she hasn't been through it alone, I have been present for her. In part, it's been dumb luck. Your mileage may vary.

My best advice to you is to just remain firm in the fact that this is YOUR choice to make and no one else's.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:32 AM
 
60 posts, read 124,985 times
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Hi I don't want children either. My mother's side of the family huge history of mental disorders. I couldn't imagine raising a child with mental illness! I am still young, 31, so I don't know how I will feel about this at 39 or 40...! But as of now I never wanted kids and I am okay with that. My partner is okay with that too. I've been called selfish before, but those people have no idea what they are talking about.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,070 posts, read 8,560,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by november4 View Post
Hi I don't want children either. My mother's side of the family huge history of mental disorders. I couldn't imagine raising a child with mental illness! I am still young, 31, so I don't know how I will feel about this at 39 or 40...! But as of now I never wanted kids and I am okay with that. My partner is okay with that too. I've been called selfish before, but those people have no idea what they are talking about.
My children's biological mother was a paranoid schizophrenic with borderline personality disorder. I advised both of my children very strongly to not have children of their own. Plenty of other people roll the dice and it's better to adopt than to knowingly give your children bad genes. You are still rolling the dice with adopted kids but at least if they suffer you are not increasing the net level of suffering in the world by adding your OWN genetic material to it.

Nevertheless the desire to have children is primal. One of my children went ahead and did it anyway. Child #1 is on the autism spectrum, child #2 seems okay (so far; a lot of this stuff crops up in late adolescence and into one's 20's and the kid is only 8) and child #3 is baking in the oven [sigh].

Anyway I salute you for being self aware about this and holding your ground.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:11 AM
Status: "I am in preparation mode!" (set 5 days ago)
 
5,514 posts, read 5,496,825 times
Reputation: 4210
No. I think it is responsible. There are a lot of people out there who have no business having children.
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