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Yes I know about that. We considered it initially but came to realize he was not planing suicide but kept it as an option should things 'get too bad'. When I went to fetch his car I found he had bought a new air mattress and pump which he never even used. Lots of indicators showed he was not planning it. The first time he did plan suicide there was elation or any other change. He simply shut down his Facebook and said his goodbye's to friends and wrote a note to his mother and even said goodbye to his shrink which got him into the psychiatric ward where they took his anxiety meds away from him. His mother got him out the next day! He changed his mind when he started having nightmares about people choking (he was planing on hanging himself). That was after his breakdown. He did pick up after that but wasn't able to work for several years. But then he began to recover and grow in himself. But his pain was still there all along. By the way, he had Asperger's.
The question arises from my own son's suicide. Not all suicides are driven by the same force I should think. Some suffer depression, some suffer extreme anxiety. But is there a common driving force or are there several unrelated or perhaps related driving forces?
It has always struck me as extreme when someone jumps of a high building. What anguish did they suffer to make them take that step? Why not just take an easy and painless measure? Would someone choose to end their life simply because life sucks and they see no hope for improvement? I'm still trying to understand the enormity of it. I think I understand my son's case but not what triggered it at the critical time (not fully anyway).
One of the issues in our society is that we don't share our struggles. We put on a front. When we look at others, we're convinced they are doing better than we are but the truth is we all live lives of quiet desperation. We all have our struggles but we compare our inside to everyone else's outside (what they allow the world to see) so we don't ever measure up by comparison. I think the real question is why don't more people commit suicide? In a world where you're never good enough, facing each day can be tough?
Young people are also short sighted. They feel that what is happening now will always be. They don't see that life will change in 10 years and even if they do, 10 years to them is eternity. For a 16 year old, it's pretty much the entire portion of their lives they remember well. Telling them it will be better in 10 years is like saying it'll be better in your next lifetime. As we get older, we grow more resilient because we realize that things change and we realize that others are just like us even if they don't let it show.
One of the issues in our society is that we don't share our struggles. We put on a front. When we look at others, we're convinced they are doing better than we are but the truth is we all live lives of quiet desperation. We all have our struggles but we compare our inside to everyone else's outside (what they allow the world to see) so we don't ever measure up by comparison. I think the real question is why don't more people commit suicide? In a world where you're never good enough, facing each day can be tough?
Young people are also short sighted. They feel that what is happening now will always be. They don't see that life will change in 10 years and even if they do, 10 years to them is eternity. For a 16 year old, it's pretty much the entire portion of their lives they remember well. Telling them it will be better in 10 years is like saying it'll be better in your next lifetime. As we get older, we grow more resilient because we realize that things change and we realize that others are just like us even if they don't let it show.
This is very insightful.
On the other hand, most people don't want to hear another's troubles or complaints. Especially in families, if a depressed person reveals the extent of their hopelessness and despair, in many families this will only draw criticism, frustration, and censure. Most people do not understand depression, and think you can just will your way out of it. I guess there are some sympathetic people out there, but not many. Even this Elliot Rodger guy, his parents had to pay people to be his social companions/life coaches.
I believe in general, in life, there is very very little empathy or sympathy for the depressed, or anyone else experiencing mental difficulties.
I am so sorry for the loss of your Son. As a Father of two Sons, I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. My heart goes out to you.
But I think one factor is that when life gives you more pain than joy some people feel it would simply be better to end it. That pain could be physical or mental, it doesn't make any difference. I think many of us have at one time or another felt we might be better off dead. I lost a job one time and watching my family suffer because of it made me wish I were dead. If I didn't feel I had to stay around to pull them out of it I might have done something that I would never have considered otherwise.
Life can be very hard sometimes, and the person who commits suicide just wants the pain to stop and doesn't want to face another day of it.
Again, I am so sorry about your Son, and please understand it had nothing to do with you, it was his personal decision and his alone.
On the other hand, most people don't want to hear another's troubles or complaints. Especially in families, if a depressed person reveals the extent of their hopelessness and despair, in many families this will only draw criticism, frustration, and censure. Most people do not understand depression, and think you can just will your way out of it. I guess there are some sympathetic people out there, but not many. Even this Elliot Rodger guy, his parents had to pay people to be his social companions/life coaches.
I believe in general, in life, there is very very little empathy or sympathy for the depressed, or anyone else experiencing mental difficulties.
I'm thinking that is why there seems to be a mental health clinic in about every town now that charges on a sliding scale based on income not to mention a lot of groups that get together for specific issues. And, some people complain ALL the time yet are not willing to do anything about it like take advice or seek professional help. Those contemplating suicide don't need a friend, they need professional help and they have to make that decision to seek the help. They are responsible for seeking the help or not.
The question arises from my own son's suicide. Not all suicides are driven by the same force I should think. Some suffer depression, some suffer extreme anxiety. But is there a common driving force or are there several unrelated or perhaps related driving forces?
For me at least, it's the anguish of living in constant emotional pain, when your body seems to betray your wishes when it takes in breath when you want nothing more than for it to just stop, when dying (hopefully to not exist anymore) seems like such a wonderful idea. You actually get very jealous of people who are dead and want nothing more at all than to just not exist anymore.
1) Serious / chronic health problems: Imagine being in pain all the time, or being crippled. Imagine knowing full well that nothing can be done and the rest of your life will be nothing but pain, weakness, helplessness, and loss. You'll never be able to achieve your dreams - heck, you'll be lucky if you can even find a job and pay your bills these days... oh, and let's not forget the absurd medical bills you'll no doubt be paying, too. At some point, a person in such a situation can honestly come to the conclusion that death is preferable to years of pointless suffering.
2) Mental health issues: In these cases, the mind that is making the decision regarding suicide has been altered by the mental illness itself, so even if the decision is not "logical," the person making that decision may see it as the only way out. Mental health issues are diagnosed often far too late - especially in this nation - and treatment for them is often limited and less understand than an obvious physical problem. Finally, people with mental health issues are often ostracized and seen as "crazy" and "dangerous," which only further compounds the problem and leaves the victim more miserable and isolated, thus likely to end their own life.
3) Financial ruin / terminal unemployment: This situation can easily lead to abject poverty, and when faced with the choice of starving on the streets or dying, it is not hard to see why some would choose death. The situation grows even more complicated when a person feels like a failure to their family and friends and/or becomes a burden on others and thus wants to end it all to avoid creating such a burden. American society also hates the poor and unemployed and heaps scorn and ridicule on them, which only makes the situation worse. It is soul-killing to see one's life work be burned away and amount to nothing; it is common for serious financial problems or long-term unemployment to lead to mental health issues (depression, etc.) which are common triggers for suicide. Note that finding a job rarely corrects the damage done - the scars are for life.
4) Horrible family life: This covers a whole range of terrible things, such as: abuse, incest, etc. When one is unsafe at home and has nowhere else to go, suicide can seem like the only way out. Sadly, our society tends to discover these terrible situations way too late and long after the damage has been done.
5) Terrible loss: This covers anything not related to loss of health or money. The death of one's family, friends, etc. This can easily lead to mental health issues and a greater sense of "why bother continuing?" - and thus a short walk to suicide.
6) Unspeakable horrors: War, famine, pestilence, genocide, etc. When your whole nation has been reduced to burning ruins, your family and friends are dead, and you're starving, death may very well be a logical way out, especially if you're probably just going to die later in the genocide anyway.
I've made a few attempts; I had been feeling somewhat consistently miserable since the age of 12, and didn't think I had a real shot at changing this. Some factors that influenced this were depression/social anxiety disorder, and failures in school/socially.
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