Post your trivial 1st world problems (humor thread)
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Don't you hate it when they don't mow the grass at the dog park? You have to actually watch your dog "going" to know where to pick up! Such an inconvenience!
Yes, and it's bad enough that every dog I've ever had (so I assume it's a universal trait) turns his butt toward me, as if to show off what a great pooper he is, when he "goes." As in, runs out in front of me (never behind me), squats with butt toward me, and proceeds to do his bidness. "Look, Ma! No hands!"
And also no wiping. It occurred to me the other day that dogs never wipe their butts or brush their teeth. For their entire lives.
I am a deeply philosophical thinker so my mind is full of such musings.
I was pulling into a space in the parking garage today. Per my usual practice I was ready to "back in" to the space. The car behind me was rather impatient. While there was no accident, he revved his engine and inched closer to me. Rather than surrendering I put on my brakes and stood my ground. He went around me, wheel angrily screeching. I back into spaces so that similar geniuses don't whack me when I am exiting in reverse and can't always see them.
I was pulling into a space in the parking garage today. Per my usual practice I was ready to "back in" to the space. The car behind me was rather impatient. While there was no accident, he revved his engine and inched closer to me. Rather than surrendering I put on my brakes and stood my ground. He went around me, wheel angrily screeching. I back into spaces so that similar geniuses don't whack me when I am exiting in reverse and can't always see them.
This reminds me of something I did recently which gave me great pleasure.
Well, the first part didn't. The first part was that I came out of the Chinese buffet place and even though I had parked way out in the middle of nowhere, someone had parked next to me - and left a nice dent and scratch on the door of my car, with their car door.
So I left them a note that said, "Thanks for leaving the dent in my car door."
I keep saying to myself that I am going to order cards that say something like "You're a freaking, no driving IDIOT" so I can leave them on vehicles but I never get around to doing it. So I had to write this on an envelope.
Let's just say that when I opened my car door to get in, I wasn't worried about whether or not it hit theirs.
By the way, their car was trashed. It reminded me of when I worked in real estate and I'd show a home that was trashed - BAD JUJU, BAD JUJU!!! Dysfunctional living disturbs me.
By the way, their car was trashed. It reminded me of when I worked in real estate and I'd show a home that was trashed - BAD JUJU, BAD JUJU!!! Dysfunctional living disturbs me.
One turn deserves another....I was tempted to get out of the car and confront him. I wound up uttering choice imprecations to the empty interior of my car.
One turn deserves another....I was tempted to get out of the car and confront him. I wound up uttering choice imprecations to the empty interior of my car.
Well, no point in getting shot by some bizarre stranger!
OK, true story - one time this guy was driving so incredibly aggressively and then passed me GOING UP A HILL in a no passing lane of course, and shot me a bird while he did so, and I got so mad, I shot one back at him, and laid down on my horn and at some point I managed to drive past him (in a passing zone of course) and as I passed him I mouthed "A__hole!" to him as I passed him - and then realized that I had a crucifix hanging from my rear view mirror. Pretty sure he got a good look at that.
Oh, well, Christians aren't perfect either. I never claimed to be! But I did feel sort of chastised.
That reminds me of another story! Definitely a First World Christian Story:
A friend of mine came over one time and she had on the funniest T shirt - it said, "I love Jesus, but I cuss a little." Oh my, I had to have one - so I ordered one that night from Amazon. A few days later, yes, indeed, I did wear that T shirt while I was out shopping - thoroughly enjoying myself. I live in a small city that is filled to the brim with good Baptists, with a huge megachurch Baptist church here (can you tell I don't go there?) and I liked the idea of ruffling a few of those prim and proper feathers.
I was in Dillards, in the dressing room, and next door to me in the next dressing room, was a teenager, who had THE filthiest mouth EVAH - and she was cussing AT her mother. Not in general conversation but AT her mother. I listened to it for awhile (wondering why the mother was spending money on this person - or trying to, anyway) and finally I had had enough. I thought, "If I see that girl when I walk out of this room, I am going to shame her! I am going to say something like Do you eat with the same mouth you talk with?" Then I realized - oh wait - I have this shirt on. IRONY.
Setting up anew iPad
Tell me that isn't a third world problem ��
Since I can't remember passwords for apps from 10 years ago, I have to reset them and then reset on the phone!And maybe on the old iPad in case I decide I need it.
My wife and I went to the movies a few weeks ago. As we left the parking lot to get to the cinema, we had to cross the 2 car driving lane that passed in front of the store fronts . So we walked down the way about 50 ft. so we could cross where they had painted the white diagonal lines for pedestrians to walk across.
Well, we thought the white diagonal lines indicated a pedestrian cross walk. So we stepped up to the crosswalk and looked both ways and saw no vehicles coming.
But just as we got out in the middle of the crosswalk, a 20- ish year old female turned her car out of one of the closer parking lot spots and came speeding towards us.
She barley slowed down as she swerved her car around behind us, while she hung her head out of the drivers window and screamed at us...
"Get the f--- out of my way you two dumbazz old people" !!!
So my wife and I when out shopping now, remind each other to take two extra looks both ways now looking for cars. Before we step out on to what we now call the, "Cuss Lane" .
Hey, I like it - the Cuss Lane. I'll have to try that out and see if it works around here (it probably will).
This reminds me of a day that my husband and I have dubbed "Cancelling Day." It's May 1st. Now, every May 1 we have to cancel something we're no longer using or doing. This year it was gym memberships. Next year it may be some magazine subscription or something, who knows. Maybe some automatically renewing product on Amazon or something. SOMETHING. And then - only then, if we've cancelled something - we get to go get a Blizzard at Dairy Queen, to celebrate Cancelling Day.
Hey, I like it - the Cuss Lane. I'll have to try that out and see if it works around here (it probably will).
This reminds me of a day that my husband and I have dubbed "Cancelling Day." It's May 1st. Now, every May 1 we have to cancel something we're no longer using or doing. This year it was gym memberships. Next year it may be some magazine subscription or something, who knows. Maybe some automatically renewing product on Amazon or something. SOMETHING. And then - only then, if we've cancelled something - we get to go get a Blizzard at Dairy Queen, to celebrate Cancelling Day.
Wow. I can't imagine how much better fico would be, if I had that on calendar every year.
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