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Personally, I never intend to hurt anyone's feelings. However, I do treat adults like adults. I speak plainly and directly. Some people have a hard time with people who don't sugar coat things or people who aren't afraid to say what they believe is true.
I read a lot of threads and it becomes clear that the person caused their own problem. If that is what I believe, I'll say that.
I have noticed that a lot of posters here do take issue with almost every poster's questions. Sometimes I think they are valid but sometimes I think people are just reacting to their own idealogical belief or life circumstance. Most people who post here with queries are genuinely puzzled about something. Most of them don't deserve to be balled out or called out.
However, things are far more civil here than on other forums I've heard about. And some people really do post awful comments to women, threatening violence and sexual abasement. These are often reactions to posts in other social sites that aren't monitored.
I agree. CD is a lot of fun, not only because people keep the nastiness out of it, but because every topic imaginable is discussed here. It's a thing of beauty, and we have the site, members, and mods to thank for it. But as a person who reads various media sources with poster comments all over the internet, I have noticed that troll posts are actually very boring and repetitive. First of all, these people are making an obvious attempt to infuriate/bait the reader, so they post whatever they think will help them achieve that goal, whether it's profanity, vicious, or controversial messages. Then they usually repeat the same message, possibly worded slightly differently in post after post, hoping to elicit angry responses from other. They're also boring because trolls tend to bait people the same way over and over. They always use the same tactics, and often different people say the exact same things. The best way to respond to these people is either to:
A. Not respond at all. That shuts them down completely.
B. Respond using reason. Although that is an approach that encourages discussion with other people, that isn't as effective with trolls as A. because they are trying to provoke you, not open up an adult dialogue.
I will end my comment by defining what a troll is, since people are often unclear about this. Many people believe that disagreeing with other people, even many people, is enough to be considered trolling (this is especially true among the age old Apple vs. Android debate). That is not so. A troll in Internet slang is someone who posts nasty messages in a deliberate attempt to provoke, inflame, or anger people. Simply disagreeing with the majority view and voicing this dissenting view calmly is NOT trolling.
I agree with mordant above that it would help to see an example. What described in this post does look more like trolling or just people saying something mean and hurtful. Out of curiosity I even went to look up the definition of bullying and it's essentially intimidation by someone of superior strength or influence. Someone disagreeing with you, no matter in how nasty language is not bullying. Something like a case mentioned here with people going to your FB account and bringing up real life information that is bullying.
As others correctly mentioned, people can be mean to others online because it is remote. But also keep in mind that online people can only see a glimpse of you. So many times people just jump to conclusion based on limited information. It does not sound right but it happens. Quite a few times I got a response that hurt my feelings and was uncalled for. Usually I try to reply calmly with this exact information and ask the person what in my post lead them to believe the situation is how they saw it. Sometimes it is a simple misunderstanding.
But, as noted above, it's important to identify the troll posts and do not feed them. Just watch the latest South Park.
Personally, I've given up asking "why". It is hard to understand and usually impossible to change. When I feel wronged I try to see it as a need for me to do something right to restore the balance. E.g. if someone cuts me off on a freeway then I'll be super nice to someone else (after yelling at that first driver, of course ). Online the bullies get superior strength only if we give it to them. I'm not saying that the victims bring it on themselves but online we are a community too and the only way to improve it is to stand up for each other.
I will end my comment by defining what a troll is, since people are often unclear about this. Many people believe that disagreeing with other people, even many people, is enough to be considered trolling (this is especially true among the age old Apple vs. Android debate). That is not so. A troll in Internet slang is someone who posts nasty messages in a deliberate attempt to provoke, inflame, or anger people. Simply disagreeing with the majority view and voicing this dissenting view calmly is NOT trolling.
I've been accused of trolling just for speaking my mind and making similar, although I don't think the same, posts about the same topic, even though the topic of the old post was made several weeks, months, or perhaps years ago. People have dug up my old posts and posted them on the forum to try to convince people I was "trolling." Cyber bullying is subtle here, or perhaps this person thought I really was "trolling." I'll admit to "trolling" one or two forums but not the issues I'm concerned about, like mental health and Education. I did "troll" the pets forums once, though, but I think that was more an attempt to bring the dog "trolls" out of hiding. I later opened a similar discussion in "Great Debates" and we had a pretty fruitful dialogue. This kind of stuff happens in real life, too, when you touch a nerve. People feel like they have to defend their deeply held beliefs. I still really don't know the difference between "trolling" and just good meaty controversial writing, though. Baiting, in and of itself, isn't really mean, but here apparently it's considered "trolling." Yes, I'm after reads and reputation points, but it doesn't mean that I don't have something important to say. Quite often, I pull my topics for discussion right out of true events that happened in my life or the lives of people I care about.
Why are people so cruel to each other on the internet? I know the standard answer is that they're cowards hiding behind a computer screen, but I think it's a much deeper problem.
I would consider myself to be a coward. I suffer from major anxiety and there's a lot that scares me. However I don't believe in hurting other people intentionally, even if I were able to get away with it on an Internet forum.
What goes through the mind of someone who chooses to be nasty to another human being? Do such people not realize that their 'comment' could be the final straw to someone suffering to push them over the edge?
Cyber bullying is no joke. It exists on this forum and on other forums. Why do people do it? If causing pain to someone else makes you feel good, there's something deeply wrong with you.
Wow, that stuff the other poster said that they do on the parenting forum is a classic example of cyber bullying (digging up private information from other social networking sites and posting it). I don't know. I guess there's a little bit of internet "troll" in all of us. I've had my posts about serious issues happening in my personal life and pain and concerns I shared on the internet to supposedly anonymous people be devalued and questioned.
People are kind of stupid, in my opinion. An anonymous group of people doesn't want to hear about your problems, so they accuse you of making the whole thing up. I don't understand that. I know that it happens in real life, too, but I think there are actually people out there who don't understand being plagued with so much anxiety that you CAN'T express what's going on to anyone in real life. Either that, or you've tried and been pretty disappointed with the results. Disbelief is a protective wall people build around themselves, and I wish they would stop it. Just because my experience isn't your experience doesn't mean it's made up or I made the post just to "push your buttons."
I remember giving signals that didn't cause people to take me seriously IRL when I was younger. Instead of getting help and support, people would often mock me. I didn't understand how people could be so cruel, but that's just the way things are. You have to overcome the barrier of disbelief, and there are different rules for different games. That's the conundrum of communication in general for me. You have to display something called empathy, which is basically "reading" the other person's mood and emulating that. If you don't, it's seen as insincere. That is so weird, considering doing that requires a considerable amount of acting. It seemed really fake when I was younger. That's weird isn't it? IRL, you have to be fake for people to think that you are "real." If i started lying and making up stories here on CD, maybe people wouldn't take me for a troll? People are stupid, so ignore them if it looks like they are intentionally giving you are hard time.
I've been accused of trolling just for speaking my mind and making similar, although I don't think the same, posts about the same topic, even though the topic of the old post was made several weeks, months, or perhaps years ago. People have dug up my old posts and posted them on the forum to try to convince people I was "trolling." Cyber bullying is subtle here, or perhaps this person thought I really was "trolling." I'll admit to "trolling" one or two forums but not the issues I'm concerned about, like mental health and Education. I did "troll" the pets forums once, though, but I think that was more an attempt to bring the dog "trolls" out of hiding. I later opened a similar discussion in "Great Debates" and we had a pretty fruitful dialogue. This kind of stuff happens in real life, too, when you touch a nerve. People feel like they have to defend their deeply held beliefs. I still really don't know the difference between "trolling" and just good meaty controversial writing, though. Baiting, in and of itself, isn't really mean, but here apparently it's considered "trolling." Yes, I'm after reads and reputation points, but it doesn't mean that I don't have something important to say. Quite often, I pull my topics for discussion right out of true events that happened in my life or the lives of people I care about.
-People haven't learned how to play nice.
-They think they're being clever but in reality they're being cruel.
-They have no concept of how their barbs can affect others.
-They enjoy pulling the bandwagon and having others jump on it.
But cyber bullies are only bullies if anyone pays attention to them. Block block block and don't look back. You have the power, don't relinquish it!
I also tend to think of bullying as indicating a power differential. On a forum, no poster has any more or less power than another, so that doesn't really enter in.
I suppose it WOULD be possible for a moderator to bully a member, since a power differential does exist, there, and the non-moderating member would have no recourse if they were being targeted by a moderator, and could get infractions and be banned.
Another thing I don't understand is why do people allow strangers on the internet to hurt their feelings. These people don't know you and you don't know them. You don't know if they are being sincere or just getting their jollies by being jerky.
One should take all internet comments will a grain of salt.
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). Online the bullies get superior strength only if we give it to them. I'm not saying that the victims bring it on themselves but online we are a community too and the only way to improve it is to stand up for each other.